TheLastMarauderOfficial

(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)

So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,

and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing

but i also think:

“i write for myself, but i post for others.”

because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.

people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,

and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:

“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”

especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,

and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.

And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,

and then it’s like,

It’s just a story that has been living in your head for so long. You plan it out, write outlines, come up with dialogue, characters, and their interactions. It becomes a rich, expansive world that exists inside you, and you feel so full of it that you just want to share it with someone.

So you spend your time turning it into text, hoping that now someone else will get to know this story too, and that you’ll have a chance to talk about it with them. It would be so nice to discuss events from it, like in a book club, you know?

And when there’s no response, you start thinking: maybe I made it all up? Maybe the story isn’t that interesting? Maybe I’m weird for even thinking of something like this? Was all of it pointless? Does that mean I’ll only ever be able to talk about this story with myself?

And then it’s as if you retreat into a dark room in your mind, hug your knees, and quietly whimper, thinking about deleting this "embarrassment" before too many people see it.

That idea just doesn't hold up to scrutiny, and I'm pulling out my soap box and going on a rant.

Tonks absolutely brings the jokes in The Advanced Guard chapter. She's not afraid to make fun of herself ('did you hear me break that plate') or ask really stupid questions ('I suppose it varies, just like with wizards?'), or make fun of Mad-Eye ('you do know that's disgusting don't you?').

But, beyond 'The Woes Of Mrs Weasley' ('my head of house said I lacked the necessary qualities [...]like the ability to behave myself'), she doesn't crack jokes at the quite same rate ever again.

She's still funny, the narrative hasn't actually forgotte, it's brought up all the time ('at least Tonks is a laugh'). But it's not the key thing that she is in every single instance.

There's so much more to her.

By Christmas in Ootp, we see she's got a bit of a bite: casually threatening Stan Shunpike with violence ('say his name again and I will curse you into oblivion' muttered Tonks, menacingly') and being serious and abrupt getting the kids to school ('And [Tonks] shoved Harry forward toward the steps').

She's "bossy", in charge, and in control there and in the Advanced Guard ('“We’re not going through clouds!” shouted Tonks angrily.'). From the very beginning.

There's a vindictive, vengeful streak that rears it's head in DH ('I just wish I got her, I owe Bellatrix') whilst being very casual about violence ('we definitely injured Rodolphus').

And that stems from her almost irrational guilt complex that, whilst not the most pressing issue, is part of her struggle throughout HBP ('She thinks it was her fault [Sirius] died').

She's a solider and a fighter. The only other member of the Order who matches Tonks being in every key fight, is Remus. She's the protege of the most successful auror in the country, is known to be smart ('And she’s more intelligent,'), and commits treason the first time the opportunity comes up.

I'm not sure I'd really classify Tonks as always cheerful or always goofy in just The Advanced Guard when she is definitely 'on' and, we can assume, lightening the mood ('stop being so cheerful Mad-Eye, or he'll think we're not taking this seriously') never mind all. of. the. time.

She's just funny.

It's a one-dimensional pigeon hole that you don't usually see other funny characters (like Remus or Sirius) getting stuck in at quite the same rate that Tonks seems to.

snape: so how did you break up with him?

tonks: actually he broke up with me.