Bruce, handing Jason a present: Happy birthday Jaylad, I’m so glad you decided to spend this one with the family.
Jason, opening his present: Thanks B, it’s nice to- what is this?
Bruce: It’s a new bag, now you can get rid of the old one.
Jason: My old duffel bag is in perfect condition, why would I get rid of it?
Bruce: Well, I wouldn’t say it’s in perfect condition. It has some pretty bad stains…
Jason: Alfred got most of those out for me. You know that.
Bruce: Well, it- I just- for the love of god Jason you kept drug dealers heads in that bag!
Jason: Exactly, that just proves it’s a sturdy bag!
Bruce: But the bloodstains!
Bruce: Just throw out the bag Jason!
Jason: No! It’s sentimental!
Bruce: It’s senti- what the fuck Jason?!
Jason: I’ve had that bag since I was a kid, since before you took me off the streets…
Bruce: Oh, Jason I’m sorry I didn’t-
Jason: Nah I’m just kidding I got it at Walmart after I cut off the first drug lords head and realized I had no where to put it.
Jason: Still not throwing it out.
Dick: Happy birthday Little Wing! I’m so glad you’re back and celebrating with us, I really went all out on your present this year.
Dick passes Jason a large box.
Jason: Thanks Dickface, I’m happy to-
Jason: Dick, is this my headstone?
Jason: Did you steal my headstone?
Jason: Did you really steal my headstone, wrap it up, and give it to me for my birthday?
Jason: And you thought this was a good idea?
Dick: So, do you like it? Or do you love it?
Jason looks at the headstone, face blank.
Jason: Dick, I- this- this is the best fucking present you ever got me, let’s go hang it!
Tim, on the bat computer not paying attention to Jason: What.
Jason: Y’know it’s my birthday, right?
Tim: Of course I do, why else would I be wearing all black.
Jason: Okay, hardy har har, a super boy t-shirt and black sweatpants don’t count as a mourning outfit.
Tim: Keep telling yourself that.
Jason rolls his eyes leans on Tim’s chair. He proceeds to subtly try to annoy Tim.
Tim: What? Did you come here just to annoy me or did you want something?
Jason: Well, now that you ask… what’d you get me for my birthday?
Jason, looking unimpressed: Really? You got me nothing?
Dick walks into the cave looking at some papers, not paying attention.
Dick: Wow Tim, nice job with that new community center! I still can't believe you were able to buy Jason's old apartment complex before they demolished it.
Dick looks up: Oh, hi Jason! Have you visited the Catherine Todd Community Center yet?
Jason turns to Tim who's basically glowing red. Tim tries not to make eye contact.
Jason: Did you turn my old apartment into a community center?!
Jason: You fucking liar! How did you do that without me noticing?
Tim, whispering clearly embarassed about how much effort he put into Jason's birthday: You were off planet... and I was, uh, bored?
Jason: You are such a little liar you shithead, god fucking dammit Tim!
Jason: Why the fuck are you apologizing?! This is the best present ever you asshole!
Tim: Then why do you sound mad?!?!
Jason: IT'S CALLED BEING AGGRESSIVELY HAPPY ASSHOLE! Fuck, you suck... and I love you... you're a good brother... asshole.
Tim: It wasn't just me, Cass helped.
Dick: Cass has been coordinating the after school events, she's surprisingly good at it. Honestly it could be a future career path.
Jason: Holy shit, when did you get here?!
Cass passes Jason a brochure for the Catherine Todd Community Center.
Damian: Todd. I am told that it is tradition to give family members birthday presents. Here is yours.
Damian immediately leaves.
Jason, looking at the box and reading the letter aloud: 'For the next time'?
Jason: YOU GOT ME A SHOVEL YOU ASSHOLE?!?!
Duke, passes Jason an envelope: Hey Jay, happy birthday!
Jason, slowly opening the envelope: Thanks Duke.
Jason looks at the two slips of paper and smiles.
Jason: Wait, what? Are these?
Duke: Two tickets to hear Margaret Atwood speak, I thought it might be fun together. I mean- uh, unless you don't want to- you can take Roy or some one else. I know we're technically brothers, but like-
Duke: Did you just call me Dookie-
Jason: Shhh, shut up, there's no technically about it. We're brothers and we're gonna go to this talk together and bond and shit.
Duke smiles: Oh, okay, cool.
Steph throws a book at Jason's head: Happy birthday asshole.
Jason, looks at it slightly confused: Wait, did you get me a fucking coupon book?
Steph: Yup, I'm not adopted, I don't get that good good Wayne allowance.
Jason, looks at it for a second then shrugs: Fair, wanna go to Olive Garden? I have a buy one get one entree?
Babs tosses a bag at Jason, and tries not to smile: Happy birthday.
Jason, pulls a hoodie out of the bag: What the fuck?
Turns the hoodie around to reveal a sweatshirt that says "Red-arse 4ever" With a giant heart.
Babs, trying not to laugh: Do you like it?
Jason glaring at her: I hate you.
Roy walks in and sees the hoodie.
Babs starts crying laughing.
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