Dead Marauders Watching Moony Lose His Virginity
Lily: so you two have been watching for quite a while now... I don't think it'll happen, guys.
Sirius: ah, shut up Evans. It'll happen.
James: don't you dare tell my wife to shut up.
Lily: can both of you calm down before things get ugly. And... oh, they're going to bed now, let's go, come on.
James: no, no. I don't think they'll sleep just yet. Five more minutes.
Sirius: ....now they're talking.
Sirius: and some more talking
Sirius: come on! I've been waiting my whole life for this!
Lily: James, foetuses don't know about those kind of things in utero.
James: yeah, but foetus Sirius Black obviously did.
Sirius: can you two stop talking about me like that? And besides, stuff's starting to happen around here.
James: they're... er, snogging.
James: you had all those opportunities to snog Remus when you were still-
Sirius: go and boil your head James. Besides, things are about to get exciting!
James: Merlin, he's getting his shirt off
Sirius: oh, she's eager for him.
Sirius: not you, I meant Dora. And besides, why don't you watch?
Lily: because I want to give them done privacy, AND I'm still married to your friend!
James: so then you shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you. And how are things going down there?
Sirius: uh... shirt, check. Trousers, check.
Marlene: what's going on here?
James: oh, hello McKinnon. Wanna see?
Marlene: what is that down there?
Sirius: one couple's fun night.
Marlene: oh. Well, I might as well just.... hey, wait a minute... is that Remus Lupin?
Sirius: Remus Lupin and all his glory.
Sirius: he's bigger than me.
Marlene: how would you know?
Sirius *grinning*: you would know.
James: I think it's going to happen!
Sirius: what, has he lost it?
James: no, but I think he's going to do it.
Lily: guys, you're not meant to be seeing this...
James: whatever... wait, he's hesitating.
Sirius: oh god, but she wants him so bad.
James: yeah, and he wants her obviously, just look at his face. He's still thinking about it, he won't last. ... wait, wait........ OH, MERLIN'S BEARD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
Sirius: oh, sweet child of mine....
James: HE DID IT! HE DID IT AT LAST!
Sirius: Moony lost his innocence, didn't he?
James: HE WON'T DIE A VIRGIN!
Sirius: Remus Lupin, the thirty year old virgin?
James: over thirty. WELL NOT ANYMORE!
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