Due to recent events, I have no choice but to revive this blog.
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@relaxpdx
Due to recent events, I have no choice but to revive this blog.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
The Hero Stumptown Needs of the Day: Reportedly spotted last night on the southeast side of Portlandβs Justice Center, incidentally (?) adjacent to theΒ Crime Stoppers of Oregon HQ.
[reddit / thanks jowo!]
Relax, @GooglePDX
In HELL we'll still drink Tazo after those traitors cross state lines!
But seriously, relax, @GooglePDX.
Relax Portland's Conundrum of the Day
There's a Starbucks on every corner, yet no one in Portland would DARE (admitting to) stepping inside one. How do they manage to stay in business?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Your Relax, Portland Headline of the Day
Do you have an overpriced-because-it's-ironic shitty plastic camera and access to trees? YOU could be the next unpaid art director for Portugal. The Man! Hell, cut the hassle and use Instagram.
By the way: I really enjoy the music of Portugal. The Man.
Relax, Easygoing Drivers
Everyone knows that jaywalking is only OK when you're the pedestrian. Except Portlanders. Are you seriously stopping for me in the middle of a four-lane road so I can cross a half block closer to my destination? I'm not sure what compels drivers to smile and wave at the audacious low-lifes who cross wherever they please and add 30,000 milliseconds to everyone else's commute. I can only guess that these guardian angels of the choose-your-own crosswalks are aiming to build positive self-fulfillment, but isn't that what raising urban chickens is for? So just relax, easygoing Portland drivers, and tell me to "Use a fucking crosswalk dumbass!" like a normal person.
In related news, this person also needs to relax.
Very good.
dadsaretheoriginalhipster:
Your dad lived in Portland before you did and he has the ironic t-shirt to prove it. So set down your fair trade, organic, soy, non-fat, vegan latte and give good old dad a call because he probably knows of a few bars that have been serving PBR since before he banged your mom.
Relax, Portland Intruders
I guess the scum-bags of Portland should just stick to panhandling because it looks like they don't have the stones to pull off a big-time burglary.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Relax, Bruce
"I bought a used bike at the community bike store on Alberta today!"
Congrats, here's a gluten-free gold star.
"I'm gonna piss on that guys grave!"
- Adult dodge-ball poor sport
#RelaxPortland
This isn't even from The Onion
Relax, Stumpy
I've never met a soul in Portland who hated Groupon. I was sure that a love for bargain hunting was the only thing I had in common with these people.
So confused by this, must research further.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
ββΊβ
Relax, Trimet
The "Tuesday" this article is referring to is pictured below:
This post writes itself. Β Relax, Trimet.