Then I met my kids dad. His and I were childhood sweethearts we went off in our own direction and he became a father of four and Me a college student drop out struggling to find her purpose in life. Me and my BF moved incredibly fast moving in together and then a year later, his kids are in the states custody. So it a matter of 48 hrs, the wreck I am became a mom. Now I never got a chance to give birth, I never changed a diaper, clipped nails, wiped someone else’s ass other than my own. Up until those 48hrs… I had to step up. (Mind you me and my man were already going through a rough patch)

It was a good start, then everyone’s true colors came out. Even mine, I never realized how impatient I am. I never realized how annoyed I get, I irritated I get, how much my heart rate fluctuates. Like damn I’m surprised I haven’t suffered a heart attack or stroke by now. (Sorry if that offends people) but I hyperventilate and have panic attacks probably 2-3 times a day.

I was treated as a nobody so I enter the relationship with his kids, as a nobody. I’m told, they’re great loving kids , their so sweet and nice.

Bitch, where?

I get talked back, eyes rolled, yelling at me, fighting, messes, sassy ass attitudes more than I get an I love you. Shit, I NEVER.. heard I love you.

Why am I the bad guy? Why does my man think I make this about me? What do I have to do with ANY of the shit going on with the way they treat me? Like wtf did I do to deserve this but if anger?

Like I’m mad I get disrespected in MY HOUSE? my house? Would y’all allow anyone to disrespect you in your house every single fucking day. From morning to night? All you get is disrespect. Let’s hope and pray they wake up in a good mood because that sets my mood. I’m sooooo big on following peoples energy of your ugly and mean, I will make sure you won’t come for me because I will be uglier and meaner. If you give me attitude I will reply back with attitude. If you RESPECT me, then I will REPECT you back.

Like what am I doing wrong? Please MOMs out there, adoptive moms out there, foster moms, Forster kids ANYONE who understands mixed homes pleeeeeease tell me what am I doing wrong?

I cook for them, I clean their rooms, I do their laundry, I take them to school, I help them with homework, I buy their clothes, I settle all the fights and crying and whining. I get to deal with the attitudes and disrespect and have to tolerate it. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? I don’t say I love you because they never showed me affection I’m assuming they don’t want it from me . They don’t hug me (I also don’t force anything because I want to respect their space) they don’t say I love you. Like what am I doing wrong other than just trying to help THEM out?