This is not enough @reheated-rivalry - Tumblr Blog

we have to stop moralizing the human condition and start jerking each other off while making out

I have had so many bad takes on this post and not only is this a breath of fresh air, I’m gonna kiss you for it, you get me

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insomniac-arrest

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

insomniac-arrest

Our age of plastics is collapsing

insomniac-arrest

Our age of information is collapsing! *remembers generative AI, nods to self* our age of information is collapsing.

lula2481

my head 24/7…

actuallysara

ilya edging shane until he's crying and when he tells him to "use the magic words" to come, a delirious shane says "I love you" and ilya is the one who comes right away

#canon actually #to me

fuckyoucanada

Hollanov canon au Shane gets outed but no one can identify the guy and they decide to hide ilya’s identity until they don’t have to worry about his Russian passport only now there are a bunch of men coming forward claiming to be the guy and so Shane has to state the guy who will remain anonymous is his long time partner and then guys online keep trying to convince him that they wouldn’t hide/to break up with that guy and Ilya is basically foaming at the mouth at this point.

He counts down the days and as soon as he doesn’t have to worry about russia he starts posting online asking Shane Hollander to pretty please consider him for his next boyfriend and Shane visibly flirts back and people are going crazy because does this mean that the other guy is out of the picture or???

Only they post a picture of them together a few days later that reveals Ilya was the guy all along and the internet explodes

“I can believe I asked Shane Hollander if Ilya Rozanov could fight I just barely escaped with my jaw intact omg”

”sorry I said I was better looking than your boyfriend I have taken my humble medication”

”what kind of power does hockey robot Shane Hollander hold to pull rose landry AND Ilya rozanov???”

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poprocksromance

Woke Boston Fan after Ilya and Shane are outed: Guys what the fuck are we gonna do when Rozanov plays in Boston? We always boo him for being a traitor and leaving us for Ottawa, but apparently he did it for love?? I don’t want people to think we’re booing because we’re homophobic! Can we wave the rainbow flag while we boo him?

Ilya in an interview: It’s so sad that Boston doesn’t like gay people. 😞 I guess they just don’t want to see gays win. 😢

cottagehillsunset

Ilya who, whenever Jurrasic Park or any sort of dinosaur movie is on, takes a picture of the TV and sends it to Scott Hunter with a "good game" or "did not kow you were playing tonight".

Scott just lets out a long sigh everytime and counts to ten in his head.

He ends up on the same flight to New York as Shane after an away game in Ottawa, with Scott going back home and Shane travelling for the launch of a new Rebook store in New York.

And Scott can't help but laugh when he sees what the in flight movie options are. At Shane's curious look he waves at the small tv screen and explains the bit Ilya has going on. And Shane, just for a second, gets this weird glint in his eyes before offering Scott one of his earbuds with a smile.

"Want to rewatch the game with me instead?", he asks, holding up his IPad. And, why the hell not, Scott thinks, there are worse things than reviewing their game with Shane (even though he doubts Shane will share any of his strategical thoughts with him).

So, Scott takes the earbud and settles into his seat. Only to be hit with the opening notes of Jurrasic Park five seconds in.

#Shane is a bitch and I love him SO much

ilya-cigs

a knight lives to serve

to serve

to protect

to love.

#goddddd I reallyyyy need to get back to writing heated chivalry #i ended it at such a weird point but UGH #i want to add scenes and build out the world and their relationship a little more bc it felt a little too abrupt now #heated chivalry #I WILL COME BACK TO IT I PROMISE I WILL

themoonandmyman

HR SEASON 2 ANNOUNCEMENT! They’ve officially cast The Weevil!

It’s rumoured that The Weevil will have a minor but nonetheless impactful role in the continued narrative of our explosive stars, Shane and Ilya. The young bug’s team has issued a statement on InstaGrain noting how excited he is to embody the fan favourite character.

themoonandmyman

I regret to inform you that due to recent scandal, the young rising star has been recast. It’s a true shame, but ultimately the actor taking the role is the lesser of two weevils..

#wow so sad to see a young bug caught up in the evils of Hollywood so young hope he gets help #i’m sure Other Weevil will do a great job!! just sad we won’t get to see Weevil in the role #cw bugs

darlingofdots

the thing is that Shane LOVES when Ilya is an asshole and he is right there with him. he's joyfully participating. he's setting him up for jokes so he can enjoy the punchline when Ilya delivers. they're gonna be cuddling on the sofa watching a game and tearing every single player to strips while giggling and jerking each other off. asshole4asshole relationship 💖

#ASSHOLE4ASSHOLE JOCK4JOCK #they are so similar and i hate when people try to make them polar opposites!!!

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wheeloffortune-design

my publisher: Good morning! Huh did you advertise for the pre-sale yesterday? Because we launched twelve hours ago and we already made sales!

me: yeah, i posted on tumblr

publisher: .........tumblr?

me: that's where the gays are.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western)

wheeloffortune-design

update

publisher: And what is your marketing strategy on... tumblr?

me: idk, i shitpost at 2am?

publisher: .....and it works?

me: depends on what the gays find funny at that point in time.

publisher: Could I have a link to your tumblr?

me: .......absolutely not.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western where 50 year old women kiss and murder)

wheeloffortune-design

update!

publisher: I've been looking into tumblr, have you thought of using Blaze to promote your book?

me: NO

publisher: But it seems like an efficient way to get this in front of more eyes-

me: people on tumblr hate Blaze.

publisher: There is no algorithm and you can't pay to promote a post? I don't understand how anyone advertises anything on tumblr.

me: That's the best part. They don't. They can't.

(trying to make him understand that we do not control the attention. We just have to show something shiny and gay enough and if people are interested, they'll reblog.)

(Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a deconstruction of the colonialist cowboy mythos dressed up as a sapphic romance.)

yearningendlessly

wait guys we’re all going to live watch season 2 together…

yearningendlessly

like we’re going to be a year into getting to know each other and becoming friends and we’ll have all these jokes that we’ve made to watch the show through the lens of and the first time we see #fingersinhismouth or a #stringofspit or #hispanties dash is going to explode and i cannot fathom the amount of fandom joy that will occur

#GOD I CANT WAIT!!!!!!!! GOD IS REAL AND HE IS MAKING HR S2!!!!!!!

marchingmoths

thinking about the boston raiders spending years watching ilya flirt with models, actors, pop stars, and all sorts of Professionally Hot People. always at the top of his game, no matter how famous or supernaturally attractive they are. no one’s seen him so much as stutter when chatting up someone whose face looks perfect on a billboard and somehow better in real life.

then the raiders shoot a PSA for the boston library. it’s the first time ilya’s been in a library since he was a child. and he simply cannot handle the librarians. they spend an extra hour filming because ilya stutters whenever someone with glasses asks him a direct question. he misspells his own name while getting a library card when the man helping him rebuttons the top of his collared shirt. he tries to flirt with a woman reshelving books by asking her what the numbers on the spines mean and if he can get hers; she doesn't clock his pick-up line and explains the dewey decimal system to him for ten minutes. ilya blushes the entire time.

marley tells this to shane years later and shane is like,,,that tracks and no i will not elaborate. but we own an industrial grade glasses cleaner because i couldn’t figure out how else to get cum out of the crevices.

tafkarfanfic

But you have to understand, this is the environment all this is going down in:

#this is killing me

bitchass97

I need everyone to STICK WITH ME ON THIS ONE

In an alternate universe:

Ilya Rozanov: Marley I have something really important to tell you. I have hidden a secret about myself for a long time. You are one of my closest friends, and I hope that knowing this doesn’t change anything…I’m bisexual

Cliff Marlow: (visibly confused) yeah…I know that???

Ilya: what? How did you know???

Marlow: Dude you don’t exactly hide it

Ilya: What are you talking about????

Marlow: yeah dude you speak Russian all the time. You have an accent. It’s not that crazy

Ilya:…

Marlow:…

Ilya:…

Marlow:…

Ilya: THAT IS BILINGUAL YOU IDIOT-

hollar-off

*after explaining to his Idiot bestie what bisexuality really is*

Marlow: ooohhh so that’s what that thing with Hollander is

Ilya: ??????!!??!??????!?!???

snowsmoked

One thing I've been thinking about recently is that the Metros were holding Shane back. The Admirals holding Hunter back makes sense, in an oh shit he's going to kill this kid way. But the Metros holding Shane back? Shane who never fights? Shane who is a known peacemaker? Maybe the argument can be made they wanted to protect him from getting hurt/getting fined but, Shane is their captain, if he wants to fight, a fight there shall be.

Unless.

You consider that the Metros know that Shane absolutely does know how to fight. They've all done checking clinics with Shane. They've all wrestled and roughhoused with Shane. He's strong and he's fast and he wants to win.

The Metros understand that Shane doesn't fight, not because he can't, but because he's a little too good at it. And Shane generally doesn't even like violence. He likes to win by playing the game, not hurting the other team.

So when they see Shane, after the whistle, drop his gloves to Scott Hunter, there is a collective thought of oh shit he's going to kill Hunter and they have approximately 1.5 seconds to grab their captain and prevent him from getting arrested.

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