I'm something of a devoted jester.

{Regulus}

Rabastan watched him carefully, seeing such a broken damaged thing. His compassion instantly took over but he refused to be so soft. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare walk out that door,” he spoke gently, but firm. He would not let this divide them either. Regulus had so easily forgiven his wrongs, hidden them away from the world in protection of his safety. Surely he would not leave so suddenly. “You will not leave me simply because you frightened me. So what. You got to it first. And one day we shall match, Regulus. We will be more together than anyone could ever ask for. We’ll be together forever in the Dark Lord’s service, Reg. I can handle this. You can take on my sins, then we shall sin together and I will protect you,” he offered, holding his hand out. He wanted Regulus back. He wanted to hold him in his arms and never let go. Just that much. Just for that moment. He just wanted to hold him.

Regulus froze when he wasn't allowed to leave, he wasn't sure if Rabastan was mad at him or if he wanted to comfort him, which he didn't deserve at all. Not his attitude, nor his words were considered fair by him. Why was it that Rabastan always reacted this way? "N-No!" He ran to the other boy's arms and shook his head. "I don't want you to do this too, you don't know what you're even saying. W-With me is more than enough to join this so called dark side, we don't need more sinners on our side and you shouldn't talk about it like that. I-I don't need your protection and...and I don't want you to be by my side if it means you'll have to sacrifice yourself for me, please." His eyes were as pleading as his words were. He really didn't want the other boy to get involved with him at all. He had done enough already and he didn't need to suffer anymore, that's why he had made that sacrifice, for him to be safe and in peace.

{Regulus}

Rabastan stood silent. Watching Regulus move over him and then roll up his sleeve, it angered him, but he would not move. He didn’t even bother to open his mouth. Every ounce of fury blazing through him forced him sentinel. His eyes looked over the mark  a hundred times before he could find the power to speak. “What is this?” He asked stupidly, putting his hand over the wrist and covering the death seal with his own hand. “Regulus, what is this?” He asked again, louder this time, allowing it to echo off the walls of his frail room. Every power in his body was urging him to crush the wrist in his hand, but he held it gently, not wanting the thing to burn. His eyes looked over the boy, watching him intently. His entire body was lit with anger and it took a great deal of willpower not to explode.

Regulus stepped back and covered his own arm with his right hand, just right now he felt embarrassed and stupid, maybe it hadn't been the best decision he had ever done, considering how Rabastan was reacting to what he had done. "Y-You know what it is..." He frowned and turned around, feeling like throwing himself to the bed and try to ignore everyone and everything, but from now on that would be impossible because he'd have to fulfill the role of a murderer from time to time. "I am so sorry..." Tears were now finally rolling down his cheeks and he proceeded to walk to the door, being the loser he was, he deserved to be alone and deal with this by himself. But Rabastan would be alive and safe. 'Forever' the Dark Lord had told him. A soul in exhange for another one sounded fair enough, especially is he was going to become his slave until his life cycle allowed him.

{Regulus}

Rabastan felt stunned, like he didn’t know how to move or speak or defend himself. Instead, he simply took everything in, watching Regulus stutter and falter over his words until he finally drove Rabastan crazy. Pressing his lips firmly over the other’s, Rabastan tried to hush the insanity in him and pulled away only after a bruising kiss. “You will never, ever feel this way. Do you understand me? You are not a monster. You did nothing wrong, Regulus. You’re doing your best to keep me safe, and I’m strutting about the castle like some arrogant prick ruining what we have. Is that something you should really be trying to claim responsibility for?” Rabastan asked, holding the other tight and staring straight in his eyes. It drove him to madness thinking Regulus was just as torn up inside over this. “I did this, Reg. I did everything, okay? Stop trying to be the evil one. You are not so dark. You are mine, my one and only love. And you are…” Rabastan could see the tears forming and watched him look away. “You’re perfect to me. No matter what.”

Regulus hit him hard on his chest and felt like yelling at him, instead he pushed him away and stood up quickly. "Y-You aren't really listening to me or seeing me, right?" He then kicked the desk standing before him and but his lower lip. He didn't want to be the evil one, there was no need to feel like a victim when the situation was already a fucking mess, why would he even try to drag attention over him that way? "I did it Rabastan, it wasn't easy at all, but I was accepted among them...a-and I was promised you'd be safe. Nothing else matters as long as I know you are safe. If you feel like not talking to me anymore I'll understand it, but let me tell you I don't want you to assume any guilt. This was my own decision and you had nothing to do with it. N-Nothing at all..." He took off his robe and rolled his left sleeve up, not daring to see directly the other boy into his eyes, but showing the dark mark staining his skin. Of course he wasn't proud of it, but the Dark Lord had convinced him they would be okay and Rabastan would be safe, who cared if he had to sacrifice people in exchange for that? His life was more precious that any of the ones he'd end up taking. It was worth the risk.

{Regulus}

With a deep sigh, Rabastan allowed himself to fall in the comfort surrounding him. Regulus felt painfully familiar and he was certain that he could simply fall dead to the remainder of the world and be perfectly content. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he whispered against the other, taking the soft kiss in stride and smiling back. They were so comfortable, even after days without interaction. True feeling. “What are we going to do with you, Reg?” He asked with a deep breath, wrapping his arms protectively around the smaller boy and pulling him as close as possible. If he could, he would have simply fused them together. “To believe you aren’t as much my husband now as you will be,” he smiled, eyes bright for the first time in days. He needed this kind of relationship with Regulus. Needed him more than anything in the world. “You didn’t have to come, you know. You could have left. But you’ve stayed. Every night. Beside a monster. If we can make it through that…” he trailed off and simple grinned pathetically.

Regulus quickly shook his head and frowned, it couldn't be possible Rabastan called himself like that after all of what they had talked about after that night. "Don't you ever call yourself like that again in front of me, Rabastan Lestrange! M-Merlin you are so stupid!" He felt like crying in front of his boyfriend, but allowing himself to do it would be a mistake. "I am the monster here, Rab. You want to assume your responsibility but I am now allowing you because I am selfish and...and evil." He leaned his forehead against the other's shoulder and held him tight. "I-I just don't want you to leave my side, I-I cannot live without you..." He took another deep breath and stared into Rabastan's eyes for a couple of seconds, holding the tears back and hen turning his head to see his left arm. "I...I wouldn't expect you to forgive me, b-but...but..."

{Regulus}

He hadn’t said a word, hadn’t even heard him come in. It was when he felt the presence of a pair of eyes that Rabastan finally perked up and turned to his loving boyfriend. “H-Hello there, Regulus,” he smiled, trying to seem less controlled than he had before. His very presence in his room was calming, though he was infinitely tired and he knew it showed. “S-Sorry, I must look terrible. It must be pitiful to be so terribly attractive and have a boyfri- husband, that looks as dreadful as this,” he grinned, pulling his lover into his lap. “Where have you been hiding away from me all this time?” He asked. He’d known very well that they’d be avoiding each other, but the thought hadn’t bothered him till he could get his hands on him, and simply appreciate his likeness in person once more. “I know you have so don’t deny it, Reg. I know you too well,” he watched the other pensively, waiting for the responses he looked for.

Regulus rolled his eyes after chuckling and left his books scattered all over the room before he was dragged to be close to his boyfriend. "What kind of nonsense are you saying, Rabastan? We're not even married and years will pass by before this actually happens." He gasped when he felt felt Rabastan over his body and took a deep breath before resting his forehead against the other's. It had been a while since they have been together like this, a couple of days actually, they always tried to ignore each other and he knew the other boy was right. "I-I..." He placed his hands on Rabastan's chest and smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, Rab" He nodded his head and leaned closer to kiss him softly. It had been a while since they had kissed and to Regulus this felt considerably similar to what people had told him heaven was like. If Rabastan had understood or not his words was not important, it was important that now they were holding each other and perhaps loving each other too.

Regulus tried to avoid interacting a lot with Rabastan for the past few days, it was really hard to stare into his eyes without feeling guilty and remembering all of what he used to think about when he went to bed. He would prefer to stay in his room alone instead of suffering while noticing how much his boyfriend was struggling with the situation and more important, he couldn't stop thinking about himself as a monster. The worst one. But Rabastan had begged him to keep sleeping with him, how hard would that be? He sighed as he checked one last time if there wasn't anything else to that would keep him distracted from all of his thoughts and away from the room. Since he had finished with all his assignments, he closed the books and quickly ran back to the Slytherin common room, after climbing up the stairs, he hesitated a few couple of seconds and finally entered the room. Unfortunately Rabastan was already there, he quickly smiled to him and ran to the side of his room without saying a word to him. What was he doing?

{Rabastan}

The voice that came from behind almost startled him. Whirling around, he found Regulus in his own doorway and though it wounded him a bit, Rabastan couldn’t help the smile on his face. “Yeah,” he smiled, crossing the hallway quickly toward him. He felt like a damn fool. Like a man first discovering how pathetically in love he was. It was just beginning to dawn on him. “I was,” he quipped, propping an arm against the door frame and leaning his body against it. He wanted to swoop the boy up and carry him back to the appropriate room, hold on to him and never let go. But he could at the very minimum settle for this. Rabastan was more than pleased to just see that look on his face, a cross between annoyed and intrigued. It never failed to put a smile on his face. “I’m not used to my room being empty, you know…” he trailed off, licking his lips and staring down into the eyes that followed him so often. It was taking every ounce of his will not to simply push into the room and flop down on the bed, Regulus cuddled in his arms. Rabastan didn’t know what it was that had caused this in him. This insane desire to just give up on the world around them. Perhaps lying so often, breaking all the rules. It allowed him to ignore the immorality. The others would lie to everyone else, he might as well lie to himself as well. “What are you doing all the way over here?” He questioned, face moving inches closer.

Regulus frowned once he noticed the boy was smiling widely, who would have thought he had done what he had done a couple of nights ago? It wasn't the same and he was sure it'd be an event that would mark their lives forever, especially because they were keeping it as a secret, and someone would hardly learn about it happening because of his own selfishness. "You should be used to it, Rab. What would happen if I suddenly disappeared?" He chuckled and rolled his eyes, trying to ignore how he had licked his lips. He took a deep breath and avoided those eyes again, turning his head around looking at the hallway and not thinking about how close they were. "Wh-What was I doing over here? Just…thinking. I've abandoned my room completely and I thought paying a visit to it wouldn't hurt anyone, right? I-I was finishing some essays too…You seem to be happy, right? Why would that be?"

{Rabastan}

Bolting from the astronomy room, Rabastan made his way to the library, running in the halls with a giddy smile on his face. Regulus, despite everything he’d done was still his. And he missed his very presence. It was all he wanted in the world right now to see him. Even if he had that peculiar scowl on his face that he got when Rabastan interrupted him at his work. Not finding him anywhere, he made his way hurriedly back toward his room, hoping fully to find him there. But he suddenly began to recognize why he hadn’t seen Regulus all day. Pausing at the door to his room, he knocked. Foolishly, he stood there, waiting for any sign of life on the other side. It was strange that he’d not walk directly in. But he felt he owed Regulus and and every bit of privacy he could afford. “Reg?” He called softly, knocking lightly once more. The goofy grin had not left his face, though it was wildly inappropriate for what he’d done so recently. Everything seemed so odd. Like a wave had washed over him, like he knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life and all that mattered was Regulus. The future, as dark as it might seem, would be fine, because in the midst of it was a beacon of light. They promised, determined to stay together forever, and he was practically rocking back and forth on his heels waiting. He began to worry, wondered if Regulus had even bothered to return to there room, and he began to rock faster.

Regulus was lost in thought, staring at his own arm and wondering if it would hurt to be marked by the Dark Lord. He shook his head and sat up on his bed, trying to stop thinking abou that, he had promised he wouldn't even dare to consider joining the "dark side" to Rabastan, but it was too tempting not to even think about it. Was it really power what made him think about joining his forces? Or maybe he only needed a place where he could belong to. He slapped himself softly and chuckled, standing up from his bed and looking around for something to distract him again from the real world. It was until he listened to persisten knocking on one door that he thought someone might be in trouble. Rabastan's room was far away from his own and after opening he saw the boy knocking on his room's door. He hesitated before opening completely his mouth for a couple of seconds, then he leaned against the frame of his door and cleared his throat. "I am wondering why would you knock on your own door, Lestrange. Are you waiting for someone to let you in?" He raised a brow and began thinking about that profile of his right now. Perhaps he would end up scaring Rabastan again. And now he was frowning.

A Letter

There was a moment, where Rabastan was completely out of sorts. Regulus had come to expect things, a certain amount of attention, and now, when he was beginning to feel distance between them, Rabastan was tempted very much to fall to his boyfriend’s whims. Divulge in the secrets that those lips kept from him, bring him into his arms and never let go. And for a second he allowed it, capturing the lips and letting the moans wash over him. But they were so intermingled, haunted by the moans of another and it pulled him from the distraction. “S-Stop,” he whispered, forcing his eyes open. “Please, Regulus. Come with me. H-He has to go to the infirmary,” it was taking nearly every ounce of willpower to pull himself away from the other. The desire in him so strong, but there needed to be some order. “We’ll let him handle it. And then we’ll return to the dungeons, I’ll shower, and then…” he trailed off. He wasn’t sure if this rampant jealousy would continue. If Regulus would stay like this, or perhaps even leave him in the night. But right now, he simply wanted to wash himself clean. Mend what he could and destroy all traces of evidence. “I am yours to do with as you please, but can we please get this over with?” Rabastan was pleading with him, absolutely desperate to let this go. He wanted to never see Lockhart’s face again. To simply be with Regulus and adjourn to their room and fall into a deep sleep, only waking to converse, or were he lucky, to have at the seductive man. “Please come with me?” He asked finally, closing his eyes and waiting. It was hard, to be so controlled, and yet so scared. Rabastan could feel the muscles tensing in his body in anticipation.

Once the kisses were broken by Rabastan's whisper, Regulus found himself frowning and trying to catch his breath again. "Wh-What?" He blinked a couple of times and shook his head to come back to reality and notice where he was still standing. Obviously he was pissed off by the actions made by his boyfriend, but in the end, he was right and the other boy needed as much help as possible. He turned his head around and looked at the other boy with hate. He loathed him only because he had meant a threat to his relationship. Was he acting crazy and possessive over someone? Was it even okay? Regulus shook his head slowly and walked to the other boy. "I will come with you and help you, but you have to promise me you won't say anything or for Merlin's sake I will petrify you right now and do what I please with this bastard. J-Just stay safe, d-do you promise me you won't say anything? Please?" He looked into the other's eyes hoping he would see anything that would let him know if the boy was lying or not to him. The only thing he wanted to do was forget about everything, go back to their room and hold him as much as possible.

A Letter

Rabastan watched him warily, tempted to throw the wand far away from either of them. He winced, feeling every tap every movement Regulus made against the other. Perhaps it was contradictory. But his desire to help Lockhart was growing stronger as he watched Regulus. It felt far too overwhelming, the sort of control Regulus had. Rabastan both envied and loathed it, almost dared him to make a mistake. But it would not set things right. “I didn’t want you to torture him,” he started, feeling relief as Regulus began to pull away and his attitude began to change. It was calming to have him somewhat back to normal. Like Rabastan wouldn’t be walking on eggshells. “I want you to do as you please, Regulus. But you aren’t you when you’re like this. Not anymore than I was myself some time earlier today. I transformed into something I hated. Something sick with power. You have far better talents at controlling it though,” he tried to smile at his love. Tried to make it seem like everything would be okay, but Rabastan still felt terribly ill. “He’s going to be sick if we leave him much longer. You decide, Regulus. No strings attached. Which would you have me do? Would it really bother you so much for me to claim responsibility? To get what I deserve for doing this to another human? He is of pureblood, Reg. I’ve soiled it,” Rabastan leaned over, drawing the Ravenclaw in his arms and waiting for an answer. 

Regulus stood besides his boyfriend, watching the other poor boy slowly dying inside for a couple of minutes and suddenly he held the other boy's hand. Interlacing his fingers with his and not really turning around to see him, he tried to avoid the tears that were just forming in his eyes and sighed sadly. Had he really become something different from what he usually was to the point of scaring his boyfriend the way he did? Even if he had smiled, he was almost sure of what he was feeling and perhaps it wasn't the best feeling in the world, to see the one you love frightened of the idea you've become. "I…" His voice was back to normal again, and there was a slight hint of fear in it and he had to clear his throat a couple of times, never releasing the other's hand. "I only want to be with you and I want you to be safe. I-If you left Hogwarts I don't know what would be of me. I'd try to follow you but mother is just…" He finally moved and held Rabastan tight, again taking a deep breath and inhaling that sweet scent of his, only to move his head after this and kissed him on his lips slowly for a third time that night. "Please, I-I love you…d-do it for me, okay? I will never ask you to do anything for me anymore, but please stay safe, stay with me." He closed his eyes and kissed him again, trying to distract Rabastan from the poor who was just losing it completely on the floor. He meant a distraction to his boyfriend, it had been since they had met and he wasn't quite sure if he liked how things were actually working now between them. He had been turned by himself into a horrible jealous monster and he was willing to torture and kill anyone who tried to keep them away from each other. With eyes closed, he opened his mouth to moan between kisses and whisper Rabastan's name. This wasn't proper at all, it was not the right time to do it and obviously not the perfect place either, but he longed for the other's lips and touch and that delicious scent of him that drove him crazy. What had happened to him? Why was he acting like this? He was repulsed by the ideas that were running through his head, but he needed to be sure Rabastan was still completely his, perhaps caressing the other's chest wasn't the best idea or provoking him with the sounds coming out of his mouth, but nothing else mattered anymore.