Reformed Teen Detective

.

Dense human.

I am insulted and must set things right. Death demands it of me. It is just. How would you feel if someone broke your bones?

That’s an odd insult. Even if it is probably true.

Nice. Hardcore. You going on some vigilante mission? Might want to wait until your bones heal.

Yep. Certainly, very nuts. Part of a whole group of crazy. No offense taken.

A whole group of crazy? The phone thief did say some pretty culty shit. I don’t know if I should be concerned that he found others that think the same way or impressed.

I wish it was bud, but some Farm Jake is out there making reputation and I gotta stop him. 

Knowledge is power .They are breaking in because Leah is keeping that power for herself and refusing to tell people truths. 

.

I hope they do. My public image could use some work. 

Tried, and generally failed. Though that goes for just about anyone I try to level with, suddenly they want nothing more than to murder me. It’s exhausting.

Personally, I think more people should learn how to deal with being told things they don’t wanna hear. Grow a thicker skin, you know? [ this is hilariously hypocritical coming from this user, who throws a hissy fit and murders friends of enemies to ‘teach them a lesson’ for not treating it nicely. user obviously does not pick up on this ] But that seems nigh impossible in this day and age, so sure. Nicer it is. I just need everyone to know that I’m nice now, because acting like it is taking too long to get the point across.

.

If it counts for anything, I don’t want to murder you right now. I mean I barely know you, but I mostly feel completely indifferent towards you. That has to count for something right?

🐺

How old are you? You talk like Shaggy from Scoo Eh. Not depressing the way I see it. 

It was last year. But what’s passed is past. 

Well as long as you don’t see it as depressing. If it makes you feel better, I’ve had a lot of drinks thrown on me. And they were usually alcoholic. I was not the most popular guy in high school. And that stretched to college parties apparently.

lol 

The truth is, nothing in this world matters. Not even a little bit. We exist just to die, to decay. Every good thing you have will go away if given enough time. We were given a chance to see it. The event horizon. The epitome of what humanity will eventually create. And it is beautiful. No more inequality, no more strife. We will all be either dust or reborn into filth and prosperity. 

So no, I don’t need anything from you, or anyone else. I’ve gotten all I need. 

Very existential of you. Look dude, I don’t disagree. The world is shit. But what the fuck else do I have to do other than log onto this website and carry a lackluster conversation with some random phone thief. 

I really don’t care what you respect. 

No potential, I did steal it. It’s mine now. And ‘Teddy’ is gone. I think he was just really in the wrong place at the wrong time, making stupid decisions he thought were for “the greater good” or some sappy shit. 

No scams here, just good old fashioned chaos. And the best way to do that is to share the truth! Everyone keeps such delicious filthy secrets in this town. I think people should be more open. 

You might hurt my feelings random stranger on the internet :(

Hm. Great. Well this is all getting a bit too serial killer-y for my vibes.

No doubt, I was […] just trying to be sympathetic. But you’re right.

Uh… not that young, anymore. Honestly I guess a book about how to interact with humans without freaking them out and/or pissing them off all the time would be just as helpful. Or… not helpful, depending on what it is they’re suggesting I do. I can only be so saccharine. 

It’s a great way to keep yourself entertained, that’s for sure. And I’m too good at it, to the point that I can’t not do that even when I’m trying really hard not to. Don’t know what that says about me, but fuck it.

.

Aw. That’s so nice. Let the people that think you’re an asshole read this and know that you’re a very sympathetic person. Bam. In their face.

I’m not really one to give advice on this. I don’t really like self help books. Especially self help books disguised as instructional guides. Have you tried just like... having a conversation with them? Just try to level with them. Person to person?

Maybe it’s a defense mechanism? Mine definitely is Well I’m not qualified to speculate on that - but I can say that it generally works out better for people when they aren’t complete assholes to people. I’ve seen it in action. I think my step sister is annoying as hell, but she’s fake nice to people and generally people like her a lot more than they like me. We could probably both use to be a little nicer from the sounds of it.

That’s so shocking. Maybe you should take my job at BTG. That’s not shocking at all. I don’t think you’ve ever been good at talking to people :/ 

You’re embarrassing yourself for whoever else reads this actually, it’s very public. You should say hi to whoever else you’re embarrassing yourself in front of. Suitors? Really? I can’t answer that for you, only you know who’s willing to put up with your dumbassery.

I’m not out here trying to be a work wrecker, Sloane. You could have at least played along and pretended like I make for good conversation.

You should know by now that I’m completely shameless. I basically embarrassed myself junior and senior year with no shame. Also did a fair bit of embarrassing other people. I should probably be a bit more shameful about that part. Anyways, I think you’re the one that puts up with my dumbassery now. 

Lol 

Not here to be smart about it. Maybe just a smart-ass. Been told once or twice that’s my specialty. 

You gonna do anything about it? Call the pigs? 

I can respect that at least.

૮ ⚆ﻌ⚆ა 

[pm] You call it a paperweight but I know you think of it more dearly than that. It wouldn’t be so well taken care of if you didn’t.

I just very carefully took it apart and replaced the broken bits. It works for most things.

I’ll be happy to see you often then! If you want we can discuss wages since you are doing work for the shop after all.

[pm] I don’t think its nearly as simple or as easy as you claim. I think you just got some kind of talent for this thing.