hiatus till 10/13!

blake kathryn
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Jules of Nature
Peter Solarz

if i look back, i am lost
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Product Placement
Cosmic Funnies
d e v o n

titsay
One Nice Bug Per Day
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Acquired Stardust

Kaledo Art
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Keni
occasionally subtle
I'd rather be in outer space šø
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@refocal
hiatus till 10/13!

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spected.
āthanks, but i wonāt.ā not this time at least - heās indebted to god knows how many people by now, negatives only increasing in his bank account by the minute for each time heās caught outside with someone else.Ā āiām not that hungry,ā is a blatant lie, guilt reminding him he canāt even really pay junha his dues for training all by itself. a burden he didnāt exactly ask for, yet did, yet - really didnāt. still did. fuck.
kiel sniffs when his eyes glaze over the menu, fingers tapping against his cheek. his shoulders feel drained, his chest heavy and stomach growling at the sight of all items in every single row, column, corner, side. the smell of the place definitely doesnāt help, a deep inhale coming through his nose half in despair, half to take it all in. the gulp that follows matches the latter sentiment.Ā āwhy donāt youĀ choose? you know, like. organize the whole meal.ā he clears his throat.Ā āsurprise me.ā iāve never been here before anyway (ā¦probably).Ā āintroduce me to what you think is best.ā i trust you.
sorta.
you know that iām not doing thisā i mean, iām doing this because weāreāĀ
because what, junha?
āfriends?
he snorts.Ā āorganize the whole meal? really, kiel?ā mockery is the form in which he pretends he doesnāt know what kiel is trying to do, and he wishes he could just blatantly tell him outright that no, things donāt work like that, you donāt form relationships based on who owes you what and what you owe people and cross them all off until youāre even. (not as if heās master at keeping any of his relations alive, anyway, but still.) heck, heās not sure why he does, but heās doing this because he wants to.Ā
hence either way he orders six plates of samgyeopsal and four plates of bulgogi and two bowls of rice (along with two glasses of water since he doesnāt feel like dealing with a hangover or a drunk either of them for tonight, thank you very much). it doesnāt matter that they probably wonāt be able to finish it; it doesnāt matter that itās going to cost more than what junha usually eats in a day. theyāre both here, and thatās probably just all that matters.
and so, they wait, and when the food comes, junha piles as many side dishes as possible onto kielās plate. āeat.ā itās a command, with little room for argument.Ā
why is he doing this again? oh, right. friends.
saturday finds junha in lotte world, cotton candy in his left hand and rosie's fingers laced with his in his other. itās not his kind of scene - at least one thatās not in his comfort zone, and it shows in the way his lips are pressed together, seeming a little out of place in the sea of smiles and supposedly infinite happiness. rosie, on the other hand, looks like sheās completely immersed in her element, if her excited chatter and the beam on her face donāt indicate otherwise.Ā
itās worth it, junha thinks. heād do this a million times over just to see her happy.
(heād asked her once: how do you find joy in things that are so little? how do you see the best in everyone even in the ugliest parts of them? itās not possible. itās not human.
and maybe thatās what makes rosĆ© one of the best people heās ever known.)Ā
he pulls her to his side as they maneuver through the crowd, only releasing her hand for a second when they find a bench and hands her the cotton candy to pull out the park map from his pocket.Ā āwhat should we go on next?ā junha squints at the tiny figures on the crinkled paper, before simply looking up at rosie, whoās paused halfway with the candy to her mouth.Ā
cute.
(but what heās really curious about is,
see: choi junha. how do you love someone thatās so unlovable? how do you love someone who has nothing to love?)
for that, rosie is a saint. she must be, for no one ever looks twice at a boy whoās all hard lines and misguided actions, let alone take him into their arms and look at him like heās the best fucking thing to ever happen to them. only her, and he wouldnāt have it any other way.Ā
@asteriose / past.
HELLO PALS iām sorry iāve been slacking lately (in both replies and imās)!! itās been a real busy week, but i promise iām here now!
also, seeing as itās been like more than a month since junhaās been alive and i still only have ⦠like two threads going (bc i absolutely SUCK at approaching ppl sorry) maybe you could LIKE this if youāre interested in establishing smth for our muses and we can plot stuff out yea (also bc i really want to get to know people here)!! THANK YOU love u all ā¤ļøšššššā£ļøššššššš
asteriose.
( sms: my starlight š« Ā )Ā theyāre my name when you say it with a smile, oppa
( sms: my starlight š« Ā ) ^ć ^Ā
( 문ģ: special sunshine girl )
- um - okay, rosie - maybe i should do that more often then - what are u doing why are u so free to text me thisĀ
( 문ģ: special sunshine girl / deleted )
- youāre not supposed to be this cute

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( sms: my starlight š« ) oppa, can you guess what my two favourite words are? š
( 문ģ: special sunshine girl )Ā
- what- knowing you, itās probably i love u or smthn- wait thatās three- idk
Bold everything your muse has done:
solarade.
broken a bone | gotten stitches | had a near-death experience | killed someone |Ā tried and failed to kill someone | invented something |Ā been hungover | kissed someoneĀ |Ā slow-dancedĀ |Ā been in a long-term relationshipĀ |Ā had sexĀ |Ā had sex and regretted itĀ |Ā had a one-night stand | had a threesome | experimented with their sexualityĀ | had a kid |Ā gotten marriedĀ | self-harmed |Ā traveled to another countryĀ | been in a play |Ā received an inheritanceĀ | been in a car wreck |Ā lost a loved oneĀ |Ā been dumped | dumped someone | smoked | gotten high | been slipped something in their food/drink | won a contestĀ | won an election | joined a sports team | gone skydiving | gone hunting | been in a band |Ā had a job |Ā been fired | been in a wedding partyĀ |Ā owned a petĀ | seen a ghost |Ā skipped class/work | learned an instrumentĀ | gotten a noticeable scarĀ | sued someone | been robbed |Ā been muggedĀ | been kidnapped | been sexually assaulted | been brainwashed/hypnotized | gone more than one day without eating | had a recurring nightmare |Ā been bullied | bullied someone | seen someone dieĀ | attempted suicide |Ā been tied/chained up | shot someone | stabbed someone |Ā saved someoneās lifeĀ |Ā cheated on someoneĀ | been cheated onĀ | had a stalker |Ā been betrayed | been in a fight | been arrested | been to a funeral | had surgery |Ā broken someoneās trustĀ | gotten a piercing |Ā gotten a tattooĀ | used a fake name |Ā been torturedĀ |Ā been abusedĀ |Ā been blackmailedĀ | had an attempt on their life | gotten away with a crime | gone on a road trip | been in love
spected.
itās kielās turn to frown.Ā āyou have to act?ā he chuckles genuinely under his breath, tongue in cheek when he finally allows himself to look back.Ā āi mean, you know. not that iām surprised.ā a smirk next, retracted immediately when he sees the otherās not smiling at all.
ājesus, lighten up.ā
he turns around completely, takes a few steps back to where junha stands. his hands fly up, sort of in the way heās been taught if necessary for defense, settling on either side of his trainerās face however. itās not a tentative move, thumbs pressing gently into plush skin. he looks like a hamster, he thinks.Ā āyouāre not as hard as you think,ā (every other wordās punctuated with a sink to his cheek) kiel tells him.Ā āliterally.ā the corners of junhaās mouth go up unnaturally, donāt actually move all that much on their own without the help of his fingers. iām not sure if you look better this way as opposed to when you frown.Ā (thatāsĀ hypocritical to some extent.)
he spares a once-over, junhaās face now between his thumb and index, middle fingers. āwe can talk about your tattoos and how much each oneās hurt.ā maybe.Ā a mindless offer, more out of curiosity than saying something just to say it by now.Ā āhow you could have afforded each damn one up to now.ā kiel prods the otherās forehead when he says this, gives another half of a smile before turning on his heel and drawing his hand away.
āover some dumb samgyeopsal.ā
my dude.
āthereās no need to get so fucking gross.ā
heās joking, of course (contrary to popular belief, the word actually does exist in his vocabulary), the usual gruffness of his words layered with something that sounds a lot like fondness. his lips immediately tug harshly downwards in resistance as kiel presses his fingers into his faceāwhatever heād been expecting, it hadnāt been this. itād be a surprise if he didnāt look like a complete idiot.
āstop!ā
the way junhaās face is contorted muffles his words as he sputters in protest, and he smacks kielās arm away (admittedly a little harder than necessary), but in contrast to his actions, his mouth twitches with something other than a scowl for once.Ā āyeah, whatever. bet youād be too chicken to get one anyway. can we just go?ā the words are foreign on his tongue, unfamiliar to the concept of a casual banter, but itās comforting, in a sense.Ā
he could get used to this.Ā
grumble, grumble. he's already turning around before kiel can form a reply, fingers reaching out to switch off the lights.Ā āthey didnāt hurt, by the way.āĀ
samgyeopsal nearing midnight feels different, somehow. everything seems to be more. the stench of soju is more pungent in the air than usual, conversation in the enclosed space seemingly louder. a grimace finds its way onto junhaās featuresānot that he actually minds all this, but heās never really been able to stand the way oil clings to his skin like film.Ā
for a second, he eyes kiel who sits across him, and tosses him the menu.Ā āgo wild. like i said, itās on me, anyway.ā you kinda deserve it, too.Ā
his (drafted) texts to taeho take form in five kinds.
they go along the lines of:
- hey, long time no talk (but whoās fault is that, really?) - have you been doing okay?Ā a stupid question, better off unasked. - do you remember me? heās almost impossible to forget, given the circumstances. next. - i hope lifeās treating you well. but then again, does it ever? - itās junha. letās talk.
and of course, he goes ahead with the last.
jump to: 1:21PM.
he finds himself in a quaint cafe cozily tucked away in the corners of bustling seoul, the tap, tap, tap of his fingernails drumming against the mug in his hands.
this isnāt his scene. the fighting ring isāwhere he can convey feelings in the form of skin on skin instead of words that heās never been good with in the first place. fighting? he can deal with. emotions? not so much.Ā
is this supposed to be an apology? somewhat. maybe.
junhaās never been one to apologise, though.
the seven years (give or take) of wear and tear on the both of them whoāve gone though god-knows-what were upheld with silence, and frankly, junha has no idea what to expect from their sudden reunion. the answer, oddly enough, is anti-climatic.
it takes a second for him to register the male that enters and sits across him as ryu taeho. the ryu taeho he supposedly used to know. (did you mean: a stranger?)Ā
most of all, junha doesnāt know how to feel. a mix ofĀ reliefguiltdreadpanic, perhaps.
so, he settles for a smile that barely conveys his feelings and stretches it thinly across his featuresāsticky and tight, a stark contrast to the thick unease thatās already settling between them. and god, he hopes he makes it out of this alive. words sit heavy on his tongue, a jumble of thoughts that never make it out into the open. it goes like,Ā
iām sorry iām sorry for leaving you when you needed me iām sorry for not being there iām sorry for not noticing i wish i could turn back time are you okay? iām so glad youāre alive iām so glad youāre here but what if what if what if, if we didnāt leave each other would any of this have happened?ā
instead, he says, eyes dropping to his hands curled around the handle of the mug,Ā āitās been a while, taeho.ā
i missed you.Ā
@solarade
spected:
ādo i,ā kiel mimics quietly,Ā āwant to go for samgyeopsal?ā
he thinks in monosyllabic words that mean something one way or another. if he agrees to it, well. pro: samgyeopsal. con? _________. and what would declining mean? samgyeopsal (the word) tastes good when itās paid for, better if itās on him. the real thing, best for freeāa shameless admittance.
the monosyllable he opts for is āwhy?ā when he walks past the door, past junha. sweat stings into a busted lip as he wipes his thumb over broken skin.Ā āis this part two of your pity plan?ā a cloth hangs over his shoulder to make up for the look he never spares, minimal effort in at least stopping in place to garner a response.
four, three, two, one are set and ready on the tip of his tongue for an answer heās not even sure heāll receive. just in case.
i need you to not be easy on me. (this would mean trying.)
i need you to not think weāre friends. (no one would win this argument. will.)
what the fuck do you think this is (not)? (that goes without saying. should.)
are you gonna cut the crap? (re: ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.)
pity plan? are you fucking kidding me?
insufferable.
he shouldnāt even grace such audacity with a reply. kiel is many things to him (or god knows what, really), but in times like this heās just a fucking nuisance.
instead, he says, āsorry, but iām not a charity organisation.ā bites out the answer, tightens his grip on the strap. āthought i might as well just try out the thing where i act like a decent person for once, y'know?ā is it really supposed to be this hard?Ā āwhatever, kiel. take it or leave it.āĀ
this is how it goesāfor him at least, with a pride bigger than heāll ever be able to handle and uneasy words that are tucked beneath his tongue, but there is a constant, silent pleadĀ that sounds a lot like just give this a chance.
( are you willing? because if you are, i am too. )Ā
in this fine line that blurs between confusion and something akin to a (sort of) camaraderie, junha briefly wonders: what are we?Ā
thereās too much surface thatās been scoured to be strangers, too much knowledge to be acquaintances. friends? yeah, right.
and more importantly, maybe this isnāt to the point of lonelinessĀ anymore?

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CHOI JUNHA,
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā your pride will be your downfall.
( āŗ REBLOG &Ā LIKE / + FOLLOW )
āagain.ā
thereās the familiar brush of air as knuckles barely graze his cheek, and the taunting smile he wears morphs into something uglier as he ducks away. āyou weak or something, kiel?ā a harsh laugh manages to slip its way between that and a quick jerk which goes along the lines of knee foot ankle, and junha watches in triumph ( or whatever little of it ) as he successfully hooks the other from under his legs.Ā
but there are no blaring alarms that signal the universal language of defeat. all thereās left with is a mess of blonde, sweat and bruises that lie in a heap at his feet.Ā
in other words, kiel han.Ā
tiredness falls over him, just like it does every time he works this hard. and yet, despite the effort that it takes him, he reaches out a hand amidst the rumble of heavy, uneven breathsāa nudge toĀ get up, get up and keep going.Ā
or maybe, he can allow a break just this once.Ā
( he tells himself itās not because he caresāa ridiculous thoughtābut more so because, well, he does care. )
āi went easy on you today.ā
( a lie, but kiel doesnāt need to know that. he would have had to be blindāor made out of steel, really, to not have noticed. )Ā
thereās a disapproving scowl on junhaās lips as he slips one, two gloves off. āwell, letās call it a night.āĀ
steps out of the ring, wipes off his sweat. tosses his things into his duffel bag. itās almost routine by now, shady hours of sparring with kiel and the unmentioned intent to be better. itās working, at least.Ā
only as he swings his bag over his shoulder and prepares to head out does he stop at the doorway, hesitant figure turning around almost as if it were an afterthought. itās far from it, though. ādo you,ā he says slowly,Ā āwant to go for samgyeopsal? my treat.āĀ
not as if he cares, anyway.
@spected
high tide signifies the uppermost peak. pique is to curiosity. animosity is absent, and unsent is all of this.
they play games by pretending two bottles of soju arenāt supposed to burn when you do a thing called dash. junha makes up nonsense about getting by, kiel punctuates this with a barely (slurred). itās the only truth they face when they stumble out of the joint, uncharacteristic smiles not meaning shit at all upon forgetting āone foot in front of the otherā on the way to somewhere (nowhere).
inebriation:
āstop treating this like itās fucking fight club.ā
āthen do your fucking job better.ā
sobriety:
- itās not a damn movie.
- then be a little damn realistic.
one. know my face even in a crowd, have a hand ready to point. remember me. even if you would have to blaspheme the holy temple with india ink and wine stains, have the syllables of my name on your body, like a bruise, like blood collecting under, like something you feel to be there. see me in shadows, against your eyelids. force me into your prophecies, make me inescapable. two. donāt ask me to promise not to leave, because i would never, but i couldnāt stay. i am cruel, and selfish, and i love you. but i have never known love to be selfless, and so go ahead, have my hands pierced through your own palms. know that i would go before you sleep (my hair heady with your scent) (sackcloth and ashes at the ready) (walking away, all the while looking back). three. when i bleed, and i will, when you run and find my knees on asphalt and the thorns of the roses they threw at you: donāt venerate me, my blood isnāt wine, isnāt holy. and donāt lay a hand to heal. i will not be a stripe on your back.
the conditions set by a non-believer; or, on loving a modern messiahĀ pt. 1Ā || bsc (via bunnycorcorans)
awesome hoshi | editing is allowed, but do not crop the logo

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