I hit the mental isolation stage as I began to recognize that much responsibility accompanies the new found freedoms. While I thought I had the hang of it all, the tests, papers, assignments, work demands, and extra-curricular activities began to catch up with me. I learned that what I was able to do in high school and at the community college wasn't going to cut it.
I was very active in extra-curricular activities in high school, worked a part-time job, and got through it; however, I sacrificed my grades during high school in order to spend more time being active in school activities. I could not let this happen in college but wanted to be as involved as I could. It was during this mental isolation stage that I began to learn that I was going to have to pick and choose activities. I, the new adult, was going to have to say no to some things in order to balance my time and be successful. This was hard for me.
I began feeling resentful towards the students who were in a position where they didn't have to work during college. I felt alone because I had to work and it was a burden others didn't have. I also resented the fact that many of those who didn't have to work also didn't have a desire to be involved on campus. I really wanted to be more involved, but due to finances, had to pick and choose activities that would fit in my work and school schedules. It just didn't seem fair.
This was also the time that I began to realize that I was trying too hard to build relationships with individuals who were not genuine. Many were only focused on the party, the drugs, the alcohol, the sex, the temporary highs. This was isolating because I felt like I was spending more time pretending to agree with their short-term goals than I was being who I actually was. It was a frustrating time, and one where I was dealing with overwhelming responsibility (that I had not had to deal with before) and the disappointing reality that my lofty social expectations for my first-semester were unrealistic.
At the same time, I began to realize that I needed to move out of my current living situation. My first semester, I shared a room with the RA who spent much of his time making out with his girlfriend who lived two doors down. I had to negotiate with my roommate, the RA, about his behavior in my our shared room. This put me in a tough and awkward spot. I had to navigate the bureaucracy of the college housing department, but was able to move to another dorm in the spring.
I found that I loved my new job teaching gymnastics to kids; however, I also found that teaching children during the first semester you move into a dorm was a double whammy regarding health. I was sick consistently during that semester. I actually didn't have a voice for a full month--this probably had more to with my efforts to socialize and cheer for the Gamecocks though.
I also had spent a lot of time and energy rushing for an honors fraternity, Phi Sigma Pi. I met a lot of people during the process, but it was an intense experience. I was barely able to balance the rush demands with my work schedule; however, I made it work thanks to a flexible supervisor. It was during this mental isolation period that I completed all of the pledge requirements (and there were many), made it through the first-round of voting (where the brothers vote for who they feel should be allowed into the fraternity), but,at the last moment, was notified that I did not make the cut. I was extremely disappointed and mad. I had made a lot of sacrifices in my life to fit that organization into an already busy schedule, but I was one of the two people who were not accepted. It was a very difficult experience, one where I not only felt excluded. I was formally excluded.
All of these challenges made me feel isolated. It made me doubt whether my decision to go to the University of South Carolina was the right one, whether I would be better off moving back home, or going somewhere else.
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