Literally made of Moose and Squirrel

Dear real world.

Thank you for your generous offer for me to re-enter normal society, but I choose to decline in favour of living in the fangirl bubble forever.

Yours,

Red

Step 2: work like a bitch at regaining marbles.

Step 3: in a fit of madness, purchase a six hundred dollar VIP pass to Wizard World.

Step 4: attempt to purchase a plane ticket to Chicago. Fail because the bank stopped your card.

Step 5: call the bank and sheepishly tell the unimpressed Scottish woman that yes, you did indeed spend six hundred dollars on "Wizard World" and please can they approve the plane ticket purchase.

Step 6: suffer sudden and unexpected death of beloved cat a week before convention. Crack up again.

Step 7: force self to board plane to Chicago after packing bag whilst stunned as a bat and drowning in grief.

Step 8: wake at crack of dawn, psyche self up, order room service.

Step 9:

Birds are singing outside and I'm still posting random shit about txf finale.

Guess what?

When The Truth aired I stayed up posting shit until the birds started singing outside.

I went into this episode fully expecting to feel enraged, and violated, and heartbroken. I've been with this show since I was 13. I'm now 35; I have had my heart ripped out by CC more times than I care to count. I lived through s8 and 9 just barely; I had a full-scale breakdown and it was ugly. When The Truth aired, I felt the weirdest sense of relief. It was over; it couldn't get worse; and more importantly, M and S were together, clearly a couple, and still had adventures ahead of them. I was sad it was over, but I was ok.

IWTB rolled around. It was a weird time in my life. My relationship had just blown up and everything was in flux. I didn't really know who I was. The movie was a hot mess, but M and S were together. It was all going to be ok for them.

Season 10 fucked with my head, hardcore. They were apart. Founder's Mutation was a marvellous episode (homophobia aide) and dealt beautifully with their pain, but otherwise the season was far from stellar. I was actually ok with the end of MS2 because it was open to interpretation, but it was far from brilliant.

I came into this season, frankly, terrified. I've been on edge since January. Every episode, I've just been waiting for them to break up for good. I had a full scale meltdown at the end of Nothing Lasts Forever because I was convinced it was a breakup conversation. I've been so stressed that I got physically sick over the weekend. I sat down this evening 100% ready to scream and cry and wail and christ, I even wondered if it would be so awful that I'd want to get rid of my tattoo. I Was Scared As Fuck.

And actually, it's ended with them together, finding some peace, drawing a line under the past.

It all feels remarkably similar to how it felt when The Truth aired. And I don't say that lightly, because when I rewatched that episode this year I cried until I was hyperventilating, from the devastation of it being "over" in some fashion.

I am so so ok with that ending and I feel like everyone hates me for it.

My thoughts:

Scully has a mental link to Jackson and knows he is still alive. All she has ever wanted - and she has made this clear - is for him to know he loves her. He told her that he knows this. She feels like she can move forwards.

The pregnancy story is a little batshit, but I had a week of insane hysterical speculation to adjust to it so I'm OK with it. Janet Jackson had a baby in her fifties so why not Scully The Indestructible?

I went into this episode expecting to be gutted, devastated and heartbroken. I'm not any of those things.

CC clearly was trying to have M and S draw a line under their insane conspiracy-filled lives and move forwards. It was far from perfect but it was very X-Files in how it achieved that goal.

Skinner is still alive. He is stacked as fuck. Once CSM walked off he bench pressed the fuck out of that car.