Making this hellsite worse, one post at a time

when you see a Good post, you can say "HEEHO" when the post is Bad, the post is "wawoo"

Wawoo

shut the fuck up 

Penis nomenclature is one of the less-discussed hazards of having very particular tastes in erotic fanfic. I once ran across a story that improbably had both the exact pairing and the exact kink I was looking for, only to get clotheslined at the first sex scene by the fact that the text consistently referred to the lead's penis as their "dork".

Monster dating sim with a Sierra adventure game circa 1990 ethos about bad endings where the monsters are genuinely well meaning and there are just an unbelievable number of ways for them to accidentally kill you, and – this is key – there's a fuckass narrator who has a unique stupid pun for every single one.

Ideally it should also have a 90s Sierra adventure game approach to routing, like you can make a seemingly innocuous decision in the first five minutes of play that locks you into an unavoidable bad ending. You neglect to pick up the condoms from the nightstand (which is not even visually flagged as interactable) in the very first scene, and three quarters of a route later you have a bizarre allergic reaction to your partner's bodily fluids that somehow causes your head to pop off of your shoulders and go shooting out the window like a bottle rocket. The narrator responds with a strained wordplay about the semantic distinction between "getting" head and "giving" head.

there should be a jesus on the cross emoji. not for any religious reasons. just so I can use it for every slight inconvenience.

new DB Cooper theory: he went up

We need more women characters who are Male Protagonists. You know. Slightly haggard. She's splashing cold water on her face and gripping the edge of the sink staring in the mirror for a minute. She's coping badly with her deadwife

Ok listen I get that people tagging posts with men is a rule of physics on this hellsite but it's kind of bizarre how badly some of you have failed the assignment on this one. A generic male protagonist archetype who is a man is nothing. That's just the normal cliche I'm talking about subverting. What?

Like if you are For Serious headcanoning your blorbo as a trans woman I am kissing you on the head. But I KNOW most of you are not doing that. Come on. For one dollar name a fictional woman. No being a loser does not make him a woman try again

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

can we focus on the gnome for a second

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

these are the people i have to share a highway with

we are witnessing the gentrification of the term "tumblr sexyman" in real time and it is extremely disappointing. like no, live-action white boy #265 played by ryan gosling isn't a tumblr sexyman. i can't believe i have to say this but if it wouldn't get you shoved into a locker it probably isn't a sexyman

the year is 2035. the new beauty standard is for women to cut their ears off, as ears are a masculine trait which make the face look too big and hearing isnt necessary as it doesnt align with being demure. evil feminists say perhaps this is unnecessary and ears are natural. women are agressively proclaiming they are cutting their ears off due to sensory issues

feng shui sabotage by placing thousands of tiny ball bearings in a bag under your couch you won't see them but you'll feel the clutter