born and raised in a 7-11

Dirk: *Points to versions of himself committing Fucking Atrocities*

A Witch is someone who looks at a problem and thinks of how to break it apart and put it back together again.  They see obstacles as resources and weapons at their disposal, and use them to their advantage.  They dance with their Aspect and play it like a piano, putty in their hands.  Also they always prototype something that’s going to wreak tremendous havoc with your Session, it’s a rule or something.

A Maid is someone who can handle anything the world throws at her, and throw double back.  They don’t let anything get in their way, and smash anything that does.  They use their Aspect like a claymore, massive but slow, and great at breaking stuff.  Thanks to having the highest physical defense stat in SBURB, Maids are the tanks of your team, they waltz into danger and shrug off damage like no tomorrow.

A Sylph is someone who looks at other people and sees the whole potential of who they could become.  They help people up to their highest point.  This seems like healing to onlookers, but to the Sylph she’s just revealing what she knew was always there.  Also the mother-bear class, with the highest melee offense stat in SBURB, tied with the Prince.

The Rogue is the classic Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.  With their crazy high speed, agility, and stealth stats, papilionaceous pilfering is a piece of cake.  It doesn’t matter if they’re stealing money, knowledge, or hearts, they take from their enemies and give to their friends.  (With a little taken off the top for services rendered, of course).  

A Knight is a shield in the form of a sword, someone who takes the hits for others because they know they can take it.  They protect their friends with guts and headbutts, but often try and hide themselves behind the shield they use to protect.  It takes good friends to lower that shield, but a good Knight always has good friends.

A Prince is the end to the story.  They enter the story, slay the dragon, rescue the princess, etc etc.  When they enter the situation things are coming to a head, one way or another.  Through sheer force of personality they bulldozer their way through the riff-raff and fix the problem, either with duct tape or a hammer. They are the guillotine blade, the tick of the last tock of a bomb, The End.

A Thief takes what they want, and they don’t want no sass.  If something they want is in front of them, they’ll fight, cajole, or sneak their way to get it.  They often lose interest in the thing they wanted as soon as they get it, though, and is never far from picking a new target, be it material or social.  A considerably high speed stat, and it tied for the highest stealth stat, with the Rogue.

The Page is a powder keg with a really long fuse.  They start out small, but Oh, The Places You’ll Go.  The movers-and-shakers from humble beginnings, a Page never stops advancing, never stops growing.  As long as they keep moving, they know they’ll get where they’re going eventually, a matter of simple physics.  They slow down when left alone, however, so remember to poke them with a stick or something every once in a while.

The Mage is the one who looks and is displeased.  They find a way to grump about everything, but because of that they’re always looking for ways to make things suck slightly less.  Their methods may seem like magic to the plebian folk, but really, it was elementary, my dear idiot. And if that ends up benefitting everyone, well, so much the better.  "Really, I was just in the neighborhood, it’s not like I care or something.“

The Bard is in it for the laughs.  They don’t care who’s laughing, as long as someone is, be it them or others.  The trolling, the pranks, the shenanigans, it NEVER ENDS.  However, a true comedian is occasionally unable to distinguish from tragedy, so be sure to laugh along with their more harmless tomfoolery, even if they really aren’t that funny.

The Seer knows what you need to do, and they know you won’t be happy about it.  Regardless, it’s something that needs to be done, and it’s their job to make you do it, one way or another.  This class may seem cruel in its execution of necessary evil, but it’s a dirty job, and someone has to do it.  You probably couldn’t, so stop your yabbering.

The Heir always gets their way, but you just can’t hate them for it, dang it.  No matter how much you try, they always win you over with their “earnestness” and “authentic kindness”.  Ugh.  It’s not easy being the person who has everything, but they sure make it look easy.  They have the easiest time acquiring special abilities, quite a bonus to their Mangrit stat, and their Aspect clings to them like a heavy mist.  Even universal archetypes can’t get enough of these guys.