Hey there, this is an independent, selective, and headcanon based blog for James “Bucky” Barnes specifically of the MCU.

My name is Griffon, or Griff, also known as Jones; I am 26, and use they/them pronouns. I work full time in project development and business improvement, which is a pretty intense position filled with travel and long days. I will most likely be around a couple hours every other day, and Sundays! 

As mentioned, this is a headcanon heavy interpretation and exploration that will deal with torture, gore, disassociated identity disorder, violence, and sexual themes. As such, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. All interactions will take place in my own canon divergent verse based post TFWS unless stated in the tags.

“i’m not–” she’s ready to throw some more bullshit excuses on him but she shuts up when he grabs and lifts her arm to see her injury. All right – maybe her arm was a little worse than she wanted to make it look, but she certainly wanted to avoid a trip to the medical ward. Maybe that’s why, seeing him crossing the room in search of supplies made her feel a little more calm.

She sighs and obeys him when he points to the counter, sitting down shortly thereafter. “You know – looking like you wouldn’t be that bad. You look pretty bad-ass with that cool metal arm of yours.” There’s a hint of humor in her voice, but Scarlett knows what he means and knows that  losing an arm for real wouldn’t be nice. She also knew that treating her wound there wouldn’t be a very pleasant experience, but she’s willing to go through with it. She trusts Bucky to fix this– to be honest, to her, this solution is better than a hospital. “Gues the sooner we’re done with this the better, alright ??”

    ❥❥❥|HE CANT help the snort that sounds in the back of his throat, and head shakes a bit as he sits in front of her. large hands work quickly; cleaning, sterilizing, and picking what ever debris is left within the wound. cool metal holds her arm before him while flesh hand descends on her with tweezers to poke, and prod, and occasionally pluck wooden splinters from her flesh. “ let me just call the Russians then. “ Bucky doesn’t look up from his task. 

Of course she knows who he was. It’s part of her job, but she still gives his hand a gentle squeeze. Can he feel that? is the stray thought that crosses her mind. She doesn’t think on it for too long. She lets go of his hand. “I’m happy you’re here,” she tells him, genuinely meaning it. 

Abby has wanted a chance to get to know him. The party may not 100% be the best for that, but perhaps she can make somewhat of an impression on him. Even after she’s let go of his hand, she realizes that she’s staring at him. No, not staring. Studying. His features. The expression on his face. It’s an old habit from her journalism days. 

“Sorry,” she apologizes. “Old habit.” 

   ❥❥❥|TYPICALLY, HE is the one to stare, and just like her it is less staring, and more studying. Bucky takes little offense, instead he lets shoulders roll in an easy shrug. she is odd; different not like him but certainly not like most people. he’d be a liar to say he didn’t mind it. “ don’t worry about it. “ 

           she didn’t THINK he’d be going with ‘rosie’, but it was nice to hear him say it.  ❝ great choice. ❞ she chuckled. after he offered his feelings about her parents, she just smiled and nodded, hoping that the moment of mentioning them would pass quickly. she loved them and they had passed a long while ago, but it still made her SAD to think about them being gone. especially since with branson and cullen’s absence, it was basically just her and mia now. and mia hardly had any time to actually be with her.

          his confusion about ‘videos of music’ amused her as they exited the elevator on the top floor and she stopped briefly in front of his suite’s door to get the key in her bag. ❝ yeah. you know, youtube? i play guitar or piano and sing and record myself doing it to post it on the internet. see if anyone likes it. a lot of famous artists have been discovered that way. ❞

          although there were three other suites on the top floor —- bigger than any of the others —- mia made sure that he had the whole floor to himself. rosalie opened the door and let him go in before her.  ❝ welcome to your new place. ❞ it was spacious, beautiful, fully equipped in every way, probably way more than he needed or wanted. but he was important.  ❝ i’m sure you’ll be very comfortable. if you need ANYTHING, this is my number” the handed him a card.  ❝ i’ll make sure you get it. but honestly, we’ll see each other almost everyday so you can also just tell me then. ❞ suddenly, she wondered if he was even AWARE of that part.  ❝ did anyone tell you about that part? ❞

   ❥❥❥|HE IS silent while she explains her self further, and Bucky has to bite his tongue as not to ask just what the hell youtube is. he knows how it will look if he does, and the man would rather avoid the explanation of his entire fucked up life right now. maybe another time. but, Bucky nods none the less, making a point to at least look like he understood what she was saying. 

     “ sounds. fun? “ a lame response, and the man huffs a bit at himself while she turns to open the door for him. Bucky nods in thanks as he enters, and suddenly he feels as though this entire situation is far beyond what he deserves. the suite is---well its extravagant. head tilts as Rosie hands him her card, and he makes sure to tuck it in his back pocket for safe keeping. 

                   whenever   bucky   calls   her   ‘sweets’   ,   seychelle   swears   her   heart   is   going   to   explode .     can’t   say   that   she   enjoys   this   thing   called   FEELINGS   ,   but   she   does   enjoy   him .     this   entire   thing   is   so   new   to   her   that   she   never   knows   what   to   expect .     lets   out   a   playful   scoff   at   his   words   ,   eyes   rolling   in   an   equally   playful   manner   before   focusing   back   on   him .

                    ❛   oh   ,   please .     as   if   i   couldn’t   evade   them .     it’s   not   like   i   haven’t   been   doing   it   already .   ❜

    ❥❥❥|IT’S GETTING harder and harder to deny THIS, their...relationship romance. it’s nothing but trouble for the both of them but it’s---good trouble, Bucky thinks. 

           hands stay in the same position,       trying to offer some reassurance that he’s keeping his word,       not coming any closer and remaining as non  -  threatening as possible.                      he tries to project a sense of safety to bucky,      chest tight with undeniable emotion for his best friend.                 it’s heart   -  breaking to see him in this state,       and steve knows he has to help him.                he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure bucky’s safe again.                       the other’s distress is obvious in his tone with his words,      and brows furrow briefly as steve tries to remain as neutral as possible.                            “  calling you what,       ‘ buck ‘?                    that’s always been my  nickname  for you,  ”                            he says.              with every passing second,       it becomes more obvious that although it looks like him,       this is not his bucky.  

           he hears the whisper        thanks to his supersoldier hearing,       and it makes his skin crawl.                    the implications of why bucky has to say that,       like he’s reminding himself of it,        linger in the silence between them.                      steve feels like his stomach is falling to his toes.                              “  yeah,         ‘m steve,  ”                            he says as gently as possible when his voice is threatening to become unsteady with emotion.                              “  i’m your  best friend,         since we were  kids.  ”                               what the hell has happened to his friend? 

            steve notices that flinch         at the brunet’s speaking of his own name.               brows furrow slightly as pain creeps into his features.                    whoever had done this to bucky was going to pay with their lives,      steve was sure of this.              he’s never been a particularly violent man,      but this is  unforgivable,        whatever exactly this is.                         “  yeah,      your name is bucky,  ”                        voice openly shaking now,       and he clears his throat after,       trying to reign in his emotions.

           steve’s been in bucky’s dreams?                     could those possibly by the same dreams that steve’s been having of bucky?                      with every passing moment,      steve’s losing it a little bit more,       and he knows he has to be present with bucky now,       but christ.                what would cause him to forget his own name?                                    “  that   –   that makes sense.  ”                          if bucky couldn’t remember his own name,        but he’d been dreaming of steve,     then it would make sense that he would  cling  to that,      right?     

           “  i’m   –    we’re important to each other.            i can  help  you,        bucky.  ”                              steve’s eyes look pained and pleading as he watches the brunet,                             “  i would never hurt you.           i would never do  …   whatever has happened to you,       you’re  safe  with me.                  i’ll protect you now.  ”                       thankfully his voice is steadier now,      confidence rising as he forms a plan of action in his mind.  

   ❥❥❥|THE SPACE is needed, almost like water; ‘cause the walls of the alley are closing in and his chest is so so tight. breathing is difficult, and he has to focus long and hard to simply take a breath. there is a shrill ringing in the back of his skull, and it moves with each sound of the booming city; intensifying, electrifying, pushing him closer to the edge of combustion. 

that’s always been my  nickname  for you,

     head shakes; wags back and forth while greasy strands of black stay stuck to his forehead---practically glued there from sweat and dirt. that’s not HIS name---whose name is it? Bucky. Buck. 

     gaze locks with the others and there’s a long moment of silence while the asset listens. there’s no dishonesty in the mans words, no ulterior motive that he can detect. body language is on par with someone shocked---and nervous. the asset isn’t sure why but, he knows that he can trust this man. needs to trust this man. 

     “ i don’t know who i am. “ said so softly, like a scared child. a stark contrast to the MACHINE that stands before Steve. 

she’d be the first to admit she’d been a little distracted, too sure of her muscle memories’ ability to help her navigate. before she can swerve, she’s collided with him — and her clothes with his coffee. she’s quietly mourning her new pastel coat as he curses, the pain of having to take it to the drycleaners halfway more than that of the coffee. ❝  yeah, i’m good — are you? i’m so sorry.  ❞ she says apologetically. 

   ❥❥❥|HANDS PAT down the hot, wet spot on his jeans, and head is shaking because this would have never happened if he had been paying attention. steel hues rise to catch the obvious, and rather large stain on her coat, and Bucky frowns. “ yeah m’fine. “

It’s unusual for her to be quiet for so long and it’s also unusual for her to concentrate on something for more than fifteen minutes – but this is different. She needs focus because she’s too competitive and she wants to win that game. “Years of practicing. I had to have a decent poker face – do you know how difficult it is to lie to mom or Fury ?? This is a skill I always needed. A smile appears on her face when she hears what he has to say and she casts a quick glance at him before looking over her cards. 

“What do I get when I win this ??”

     ❥❥❥|HE HUMS, gaze shifting between her face and the cards in her hands. he’s less worried about that expert poker face and more concerned with her sleight of hand. Bucky knows who raised her, and he wouldn’t be surprised if she had a literal card or two up her sleeve. 

“Siberia. Had to be over a decade by now.”

Her forearms are resting on the same surface, cupping a mug as she stares into her cup of tea.

Earl grey.

Honey and cream.

The cafe’s quiet, at least.

Alura takes a deep breath, doing her best to collect her thoughts. “That’s…why I asked you to meet me here. I guess it just didn’t feel right to bring it up the other night. I wasn’t entirely sure it was you.” She hadn’t been searching for him, exactly. It was mostly dumb luck that two ex-Hydra experiments might meet on an evening out. Unless fate was to be believed in, that is.

“Do you remember anything about a project Borealis?” She finally meets his gaze, uncertainty written plainly on her features. Alura could only recall brief glimpses of the infamous Winter Soldier. Usually in passing, when she was escorted from one wing of the facility to another. Maybe they’d planned on making him train her, maybe it was pure coincidence that they were kept at the same location. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter what Hydra’s plans were for her. She’s free now and the man before her is the best shot she has at something like closure.

❥❥❥|HE REMEMBERS now; the terrified little girl that was totted around the complex. Bucky never knew the full extent of why she was there, but he could guess. knowing Hydra, the poor girl had gone through hell. he wonders briefly if they had intended for him to train her.  Bucky frowns some at the thought, shifting in his chair rather uncomfortably.