lover girl

Robby kisses you fervently, like he couldn't get enough. He supposes it was true. Or maybe he was just desperately avoiding the chem study packet calling his name. 

“Robinavitch!”

Your fingers thread through his long hair, lashes fluttering open slightly as the knocking sounds again, louder. 

Although Robby is less sure it's knocking at his door and not the clashing drums of the cd he's blasting; a throwback mix he’d gotten one of his roommates to burn for him. 

“Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?

That I'm in love with you?”

Robby feels you slowing down beneath him, your face turning slightly from his. 

“Robby.”

“Hmm,” he hums, chasing your kiss swollen lips, the scruff of his facial hair scratching against your cheek, dipping into the crook of your neck to ravage your shoulder. You giggle beneath him, pink polished nails digging into the cut up sweatshirt he was wearing. 

“Robby- Michael.” That gets his attention. He pushes himself up, hair falling over his forehead, his necklace hanging loosely from his neck.

“Yeah?” You smile dreamily up at him, still caught up in the haze of his cologne and the heat of the room. 

“I think there's someone at your door,” you point a manicured nail at the big wooden door, the brass handle currently jammed with a wooden chair beneath it. He turns, big brown eyes raking over the band poster falling off by one corner plastered on its backside, the messy pile of sweats and jeans bunched in the corner, the cd player still blasting. 

Robby makes a show of pausing. He shakes his head and turns his back slowly towards you, grinning. 

“I don't hear anyone.” 

“But-”

“Hey Robby! Come on man.” 

“Think you're hearing things.” You laugh sweetly, brushing his long hair away from his face, holding it gently in place. 

“I’m not Mr. Resident advisor. I think your students need you.”

He huffs. “They can wait. I’m busy helping you study,” he mumbles against the crook of your elbow.

“Robby, we stopped studying, like, an hour ago. And I’m helping you study.” 

“No, come on. We moved on to anatomy, remember?” You giggle, moving to sit up.

Robby doesn't let you, straddling your hips, head tilted playfully as he runs a hand through his long hair. He'd been growing it out this semester. His facial hair too.

Because it was the style and the last time Robby had tried to trim it himself he’d nicked his ear so bad he wore a bandaid for a week.

Or maybe it was because you had mentioned something about liking guys with a beard-

“You're killing me with that floppy hair of yours,” you grin. Robby gives you a look, mouth pulling into a sad little pout. 

“My hair’s not floppy.”

“It is a little,” you giggle. “I like it though. Very Brendan Fraiser.”

“Oh yeah,” Robby’s brow raises, laughing. 

“Yeah,” you sigh, pulling him back down by his sleeveless sweatshirt. Robby hums amusedly as you run your hand over the scruff of his cheek. You blink up at him, eyes darkening a bit as you trail the plane of his bare shoulder, goosebumps erupting over the line of his bicep. He chuckles.

“Thought you said there was someone at the door?” 

“I don't hear anyone now,” you smile. 

Robby kisses your cheek. Then your chin. The crook of your neck. He trails down, your hands threading through his hair again as he moves downward- 

“ROBBY I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” 

Robby shoots up, hips twisted as he watches the doorknob rattle. You whine, eyes narrowing in annoyance at the door.

“Okay. Okay okay, maybe there is someone at the door.” You give him a look, pushing him towards the edge of the mattress. Robby hops off the bed, pulling up his sweats as they slide low on his hip. 

He gives you a cheeky grin as he saunters over to the door, moving the chair blocking the lock. You grin from the bed, jean clad legs still tangled in his sheets, the sleeve of your tanktop sliding off one shoulder. 

Robby unlocks the door, and cracks it open, an arm coming up to block the space. He frowns as a familiar looking auburn haired MS1 lets out a relieved sigh.

“Finally man. I’ve been knocking for like five minutes.” Robby sighs, rubbing his forehead.

“What is it? It’s late.”

“I forgot my key.” Robby gives the kid an incredulous look.

“You forgot your key? Again?”

“Yeah. Me and a couple of the guys were at the library s- studying and I thought Sammy had his key so I left mine…” The kid rambles on and Robby sighs. Studying was obviously the poorly veiled code word for smoking… if the smell coming off his clothes and the glazed look in his eyes was any indicator.

“Okay okay- Abbot! Stop talking, geez. You’re gonna make me kill myself with your rambling.” 

“Sorry. Oh shoot. I didn’t realize you had your girl in here.” Jack cranes his neck, peering over Robby’s shoulder. Robby glances back at you, your hand lifting in an embarrassed little wave from the bed.

Your girl. 

Robby hadn't realized people perceived the two of you that way. Like you two were a set. Not just two students who made out and occasionally slept in each other's dorm. The inbetween something with no real stipulation. 

You had both agreed on that first night out together that it was just casual. Nothing tying you down, no big expectations or anything. Robby was cool with it.

He knew you'd been burned by one too many boyfriends before to want to be tied down by something concrete. You knew he had bad habits and liked a gentle escape if needed.

But your girl. 

He liked the sounds of that a little too much for a guy who refused to put labels on anything. 

You laugh, “Hi Jack.” 

“Hi,” Jack grins, stumbling a bit in the doorway as Robby slips his shoes on. “Woah.” 

Robby sighs again, grabbing the dorm masterkey from where it was laying on his dresser and shoving Jack back out the door.

“I’ll be back,” he calls over his shoulder. “Hey move it.”

“Thank you so much brother.”

“I told you not to call me that.”

------------------------------------------------------

When Robby gets back to the dorm, he’s greeted with silence. The cd long run its course, the fan no longer humming softly. The lamp is shut off, the orange glow of the hallway the only light, casting deep shadows across the room.

It’s the first thing Robby notices as he stands in the doorway of his empty apartment.

You’re gone.

Not completely, of course. There are still remnants of your existence lingering. Little touches that remind Robby you do in fact exist and aren’t some beautiful figment of his imagination.

The sheets of his bed have been straightened, the pile of books now stacked neatly on his desk; messy laundry tucked properly into the hamper. There are still little pieces of you: a few pink highlighters and gel pens strewn about his desk, a scrunchie left on his nightstand, a picture of you and him pinned to Robby’s corkboard. It still smells like you. Your fruity bubblegum and sweet bath and bodyworks spray.

Robby scratches the back of his head as he shuts his door, trying not to think about the fact you'd slipped out while he was gone. Sure. Plenty of girls had done the same before. Hey, even he had done it too. Irish exits and promises to see each other again left unfulfilled. 

But you didn't do that. 

You always said goodbye. 

Robby hates the way he keeps thinking about it. Like it meant something.

So what? He didn't care. You could leave without saying goodbye. It wasn't like you two were very serious anyway.

Robby throws the key back on his dresser, chucking his shoes back into the closet and flops onto his bed, face down. 

He doesn't know why it's bothering him so much. Why he feels the familiar tightening of his chest, the worry crawling like maggots in his brain. Robby lays there in the dark. 

And then the phone rings. He sits up, startled by the loud sound echoing from his nightstand. He crawls over the bed, reaching and picking the phone up from the receiver. 

He was expecting a call from another locked out student or someone needing maintenance to come unclog brownie batter out the drain. 

“Robinavitch here-”

“I forgot to tell you goodbye!” 

Robby’s face softens as he realizes it's you. He'd recognize your voice anywhere. He's surprised you're calling, so much so he doesn't catch what you're saying. 

“What?” Robby chuckles, just happy to hear you again. 

“I just left. I didn't even give you a kiss or anything.” 

“That's alright.”

“Did Jack get to his room alright?”

“Eventually. Although he was so stoned out of his mind, I don’t think he’d know his left foot from his right.” He hears you click your tongue on the line, sighing. 

“The life of the party. A shame he’s got to be sent away."

“Yeah.” Robby listens as you move around on the other side of the line. Something clatters and he hears you settle onto the bed.

“I’m really sorry. I should have kissed you goodbye.” 

“It’s okay, really. I think we’ve made out more than some couples do their entire marriage.” 

“Marriage?” You laugh. “You thinking about marrying me already, Robby?” 

The question is innocent. Coy in your own sweet way. Robby grins widely, glad you couldn't see the blush blooming across his freckle strewn face. 

“Maybe,” his voice cracks in spite of the joking tone he uses. You giggle. 

“Good. I really like you, you know. A million times better than the other boys who've tried to suck face with me.” Robby makes a face. 

“That's kinda a crude way to put it.”

“Just saying. They don't deserve to be remembered as anything more.” 

Robby laughs, picturing your cheeky smile. The way you’d shrug. He gets that tight feeling in his chest again and swallows thickly. 

“I know. I like you a lot too.” 

“Like, ‘want to get married’ a lot?” Robby rolls his eyes. 

“We're only 23 sweetheart. Isn't that kinda young?” 

“I’m planning on getting married by 25 Robby. I think I told you this, didn't I?” 

“Yeah. You did. But I'm barely making it through med school as it is. And you can't even remember where you parked your car half the time. You want to get married?” 

“Well yeah. You always remember where my car is. We're made for each other.” Robby laughs, a hand running down his face amusedly. Your next words hit him hard. Right in the chest.

“I don't think I’d ever want anyone else Michael.” 

There's a seriousness beneath your teasing tone. Robby thinks he almost stops breathing. Then you laugh. 

“But maybe you're right. Oh! Actually I almost forgot. I left you a little something.”

Robby clears his throat, trying to recover from that. 

I don't think I’d ever want anyone else Michael

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah. It's just a little note. Something silly.”

You were always leaving little things for Robby to find. Poorly folded gum wrapper hearts in his jean pockets or post its on his car dash. Robby thought it was endearing in spite of the way his friends made fun of him for keeping them. 

“I’m sure it's not silly. Where?” 

“In your study packet.” Robby laughs. 

“Okay, where?” He repeats. You laugh. 

“Well, you gotta actually read the material to find it.” 

“Wow. You have no faith in me, do you?” 

“I do!” You protest. “I believe in you Robby. But you can't be a great doctor if you don't know the difference between the dermis and epidermis.”

Robby smiles. 

“You think I’m gonna be a good doctor?” 

“A great one. Yeah.” 

“Thanks.”

You're quiet on the other end for a moment. And then you yawn. 

“Okay enough mushy talk. I seriously have a test I’ve got to study for.” Robby chuckles. 

“Okay. goodnight hon.”

“Goodnight Micheal.”

He’s about to hang up when you add two little words. “Love you!”

The line clicks.

Robby holds the phone to his ear for a moment longer, heart clinging to those two little words. His chest tightens again, the unfamiliar feeling blooming in spite of the way Robby was trying to push it down. 

The phone clicks against the receiver with a gentle sound, the bed creaking as Robby lays down on his back. He stares up at the popcorn ceiling trying to ignore the overwhelming elation rising through him. 

Which is stupid, he immediately thinks.

It probably means nothing. You guys aren't serious like that. Not serious enough to be joking about marriage late at night at least. 

Robby knows you know about his not so pretty dating history. The long list of girls, the endless streak of letting good love slip away. He knows he's overheard your girlfriends remind you to take it slow. To remember Robby has a bad habit of leaving. 

Not being the one left. 

Robby knows people change. People come and go. He's had plenty of people leave his life. People he cares about. People he’s wanted. 

He knows things probably won't ever stay the same. 

Robby can be honest himself: he's got commitment issues. He can thank his mom for that. He sometimes likes to blame all his worst parts on her. His quick temper, his bossy nature. The need to always be right, to be needed. 

Robby knows you were joking about the marriage thing. Of course you were. 

But no one's said ‘I love you’ like that and not meant it. 

Not to him at least. Without any hesitation or doubt. Without burden. 

You said it like it was a habit he didn't even know you’d formed. Like the two of you had unknowingly grown into something more than casual dates. Something more than two med students who’d bonded over a rough emergency department rotation and less than productive study sessions. 

Something softer and sweeter. 

The thing Robby tried so hard to stop himself from wanting. 

It unraveled something deep inside him. A truth he had been trying to keep at bay for a while now. Because the truth was he did want that. To be your one and only. 

He wanted a marriage. He wanted kids. He had this vision, this dream, of being the dad someone could be proud of. The doctor who would show off his family in pictures around his office, who’d come home from blood and gore to the sounds of laughter and life. 

And yeah, maybe a part of him had begun to picture you as that person. Maybe you had begun to bleed into his dreams; the laughter brightening into your high pitched squeal, the pictures shifting into someone with your face. 

Robby doesn't even realize how long he's been lying in the dark thinking until he hears the hall lights blink out, the sign curfew was officially in place. His fingers clench around the star hanging from his necklace. 

This was stupid. He shouldn't be thinking things like that. Overly romantic and head over heels kind of thoughts that you'd see in movies. 

Life didn't work like that. Robby knew that better than anyone. 

But you’d said goodbye. You said ‘I love you’- 

Robby scrubs a hand over his face letting out a deep breath. 

“Just forget it.” 

He gets up, turning on the lamp and settling heavily into his desk chair, half heartedly picking up his textbook. Robby flips open to the marked page, fingers threaded through his hair as he tries to pay attention to the words on the page. They swim before him. 

It was just infatuation. The biological reaction to receiving attention. 

He didn't… 

You were just a fling. A casual date he’d move on from after a few months. Right? 

Robby pauses, counting how many months the two of you had actually been hanging out together.

 The number is a lot more than a few.

“Urgh, forget it,” Robby lets out again with frustration, tossing the study packet onto the floor. He watches as the packet flutters to the ground in a crumple. As a pink flashcard slides out and onto the wood floor. 

Robby stands, crouching to pick it up. That's right. You had said you’d left him something. He picks the sturdy card up, frowning as he tries to read what it says. 

He moves back over to the lamp, tall frame scrunching close to the poorly lit bulb. The card glows a hot pink beneath the light, your sparkly pen glittering. 

U + ME = <3 

Oh God. 

------------------------------------------------------

It’s early the next morning when Robby realizes he’s totally and completely fallen for you. Literally.

He crashes onto the floor of your dorm room, his long leg catching on the ledge of the window as he tries to sneak in.

Your roommate sits up in her bed, a confused and sleepy look crossing her face as she blinks at the two of you. Robby gives her an embarrassed wave, grunting as you hold out your hand. 

“I got it, I got it.”

“Let me help you Robby,” you giggle as bend down. He lets you pull him up, giving you a flushed smile as he takes in your cotton sleeping shorts, the big band tee you'd stolen from his closet swallowing your frame. Robby presses a kiss on your cheek in thank you and moves towards the bed on your side of the dorm. 

“Sorry Amy,” you whisper, nudging her apologetically. She swats your hand away, rolling over. 

“Just wake me before the exam is supposed to start.” You giggle an ‘alright’, turning back to Robby as he fidgets with the tasseled ends of your pillowcase. 

“What’s up? I thought we were meeting up after class?” 

Robby looks up at you, still high off the adrenaline of running halfway across the big courtyard to your dorm. 

“I just…” 

The words are suddenly lost on his tongue. 

The speech he'd been practicing in his room, late into the morning. He'd been pacing a hole in his wood floors, clutching that pink flashcard in his hand as he went over what he wanted to tell you. 

He knew he had to tell you.

He knew he had to ask you. 

If you wanted to be something more. Something that came with a label and commitment. 

But for a guy like Robby, who'd never even spoken an “I love you”- not even to his grandma who'd taken him in- the task suddenly seemed monumental. He supposes it was. 

“What?” You ask, giving him a curious look. “Are okay? You look terrible.” 

Robby lets out a puff of air, chuckling quietly as you cup his scruffy face. You've got that assessing look on your face, like you've already nailed down the clinical eye doctor’s need to have. 

“I didn't get much sleep last night,” he finally says. 

“Oh. Were you really worried about studying?” You frown. 

“Um, I didn't do much studying last night.” 

“Robby,” you croon in a chastising tone. He shrugs. 

“I have a photographic memory. Remember?”

“Uh huh. Yet you keep forgetting where your shirts are,” you grin, caressing the familiar edge of a shirt he had definitely stolen back from the laundry hamper.

“That's cause you steal them,” he pinches your side. You laugh, quieting when your roommate throws you an angry glare. 

“So… why'd you come here?” 

“Um,” Robby looks over at your roommate nervously, mumbling quietly, “I wanted to tell you something.” You frown. 

“Huh?” 

“I- I wanted to tell you-” You lean in closer, trying to hear him. Robby is so nervous he can barely get his voice above a whisper.

“Take me?” 

“No-” but your eyes are already lighting up and you let out a surprised gasp. 

“Wait, are we gonna get breakfast?!” Robby blinks. “That's what you were gonna say, right? You want to take me to Starbucks. A pre exam coffee?” 

You're bouncing on the balls of your feet, clearly excited about the prospect of a caffeine pick me up and sugary pastry. Robby gives you a resigned smile. 

“Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.” You squeal and throw your arms around him. 

“You're the best guy a girl could ever have! I gotta go change and then I’ll be right out.” 

Guy. 

Not boyfriend. Because Robby and you had agreed: no labels. 

“Yeah sure,” Robby nods, watching as you flounce over to your closet pulling out an outfit and running to the bathroom. When you shut the door he lets out a deep sigh, scrubbing his hands over his face. 

Maybe this was better. He had time to work up the confidence to actually say what he wanted. Besides, maybe it wasn't appropriate to ask someone to be your girlfriend while their roommate was snoring five feet away.

When you come back out of the bathroom, the traces of sleep gone and smelling like toothpaste, you give Robby another concerned look. 

“Are you sure you're okay?” 

“Yeah,” he nods. A little too quickly. You grab your backpack, giving him a look over your shoulder. 

“You know you can tell me if something’s wrong. Right?” 

“Why would anything be wrong?” Robby’s shoulders tense. Was he really that obvious? You smile, reaching out, your fingers brushing against the backside of is hand. The hand clutching his necklace. 

“You're holding your star. You only do that when you're anxious.” 

He hadn't even realized he was doing it. Or that you noticed that about him. 

“I’m okay. Let's just go get your coffee. Okay?”

“Okay Michael,” you say softly. “But, go out the window. I’m not getting fined if someone catches you.”

------------------------------------------------------

The little round table you'd picked out is cold beneath your arm, the metal surface creaking beneath your elbow as you lean on it. Your leg bounces beneath the chair, the smell of roasting coffee beans and something like caramel filling your senses. 

You watch Robby as he stands in line to order, his hands stuffed in the pocket of his sweatshirt, eyes darting around the place nervously. 

Not that he'd admit it. 

He had been unusually quiet on the drive over, knuckles white against the wheel, jean clad thigh tense against the leather seat.

You tried to talk a bit. About how you wanted to get into a pedes rotation soon. If you could bribe Amy into switching textbooks with you because hers was nicer and not stained with lipgloss and coffee. 

But you’d given up after the third “hmhmm” from Robby. 

Which was fine.

You didn't mind listening to his radio, perpetually stuck on an old 70s rock station, and tracing your name on the car seat leather. 

A part of you wondered if it had anything to do with your phone call last night. You had really been laying it thick. Bringing up marriage. Saying you loved him. 

Of course it had been. How could it not.

You sigh at the table, resting your chin in your hand as Robby orders, his hand coming up to scratch the scruff on his jaw. 

You always had this problem. Getting attached too fast. Catching feelings in spite of telling yourself it was casual.

All your girlfriends had warned you. Take it slow. Don't get involved. They had rolled their eyes when you had told them Robby had asked you out. Reminded you Robby had never held a decent relationship for more than a month. 

He was a known flirt. A guy who liked to sleep around for fun. 

But he wasn't like that with you. He was funny and caring. Yeah, you guys agreed to be casual. You knew what you were signing up for.

You had been friends before that, student doctors bonded after a joint rotation in the emergency department; study partners and theater hoppers and restaurant critics and the occasional partygoer. It didn't seem like that big of a leap.  

To blur the line of friendship… with additional benefits.

But some nights, when Robby held you in a too small dorm bed, you felt like it could be something more. 

Maybe that's why you had said it. Because you'd always been upfront about your feelings. No matter who it was. All your ex boyfriends knew. They would scoff and roll their eyes if they had heard your phone call. Because of course you were talking about marriage. Of course you’d gotten attached. You always did catch feelings easily.

Robby often told you about how he felt when he first met you. How he’d asked you out to dinner after an awfully rough shift. 

“Hey. You wanna get some real food? Not the tuna melts they serve here?” 

“Robby, you know you could take me anywhere and I’d be happy.”

He liked to tell you how that had made him laugh. How you seemed so carefree. Still smiling after a terrible day. 

It made you feel special. Like he noticed the little things you hadn't even thought to think of. 

Sometimes you felt like you were getting ahead of yourself when you thought of things like marriage or being a thing. Something that came with a label. With expectations. 

And Robby-

You jump in your seat as the chair opposite you scrapes against the floor, Robby taking the seat. He chuckles as you yelp and give him a wide eyed look. 

“You okay there?”

“Just thinking,” you smile. “Got my banana bread?” 

“Of course,” he nods as he sets down your loaf slice in front of you. “The coffees are gonna be another minute.” 

“Doesn't your black sludge take like three seconds to pour into a paper cup?” You're already tearing into the slice of ooey gooey bread. It's good. Warm and nutty. 

Robby shrugs, fingers drumming against the metal surface. 

“I don't know. I’m a doctor, not a barista. And it's not sludge. Black coffee is perfectly fine for sustainable gut health.” 

You shrug. “I still think you're gonna give yourself an ulcer. Especially with the way you worry about things.” 

Robby lets out a breath, running a hand through his long locks. He doesn't say anything, just smiles. 

Oh boy. 

Maybe you shouldn't have said anything last night. At least, not on the phone. You always did this. Made things more complicated and crossed lines you’d clearly drawn for yourself. 

And now you were spiraling over a piece of banana bread about a boy you really did love instead of worrying about your exam later- 

“Here.” Robby sets a cup down in front of you. You hadn't even heard him get up. “This one's yours.” 

“Oh. Thank you-” you reach out to take the cup, the thick paper cup warm beneath your hold. Your heart beats a little faster as Robby’s fingers bump into yours, his index finger nudging into the flesh of your thumb. 

He smiles at you crookedly, eyes bright with anticipation. You take the cup-

“Hey. Did they write something on here?” You turn it slightly, noticing the thick black sharpie peeking beneath your fingers. 

U + ME = <3

You laugh with surprise, almost forgetting the little flash card you’d left Robby last night. Mostly as a joke because you knew the little things you made him always got a laugh. Or a smile. 

But mostly because it was true. And because you’d seen the way he secretly pockets the things you make him, like they were something special. 

You smile at the cup, another laugh slipping out.

“Aw Robby. You got my note! It looks so cute on-” you trail off as you turn the cup more, seeing he’s made an addition. 

U + ME = <3 (forever) 

You look up at him, his mouth pressed together in a nervous line, brown eyes staring, waiting for you to meet his gaze. It shouldn't feel like this monumental thing. But it does. 

And the way he's looking at you makes you suddenly nervous. 

“Robby-” 

“I, um,” he swallows thickly, hands flexing around his own cup. “I- truthfully I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking about our conversation. About us.”

“Us?” 

“Yeah,” he nods. “When you said… you said you loved me.” 

You swallow thickly, suddenly feeling a bit like a young school girl. Your heart pounds and you have to remind yourself not to get your hopes up. To stay realistic-

“Did you mean it?” His question only furthers your hope. The earnestness behind it. The golden glint of his deep brown eyes. You nod.

“Yeah. I meant it.” 

“Okay. Good.” You chuckle, brows drawing confusedly. 

“Robby, what's this about?” You gesture towards your coffee, finger hovering over the Forever.

“I- well I have a question I need to ask you.” 

“Oh.”

Robby swallows thickly, laughing nervously. 

“I know we agreed to be casual, no labels. And I know you said you weren’t exactly looking for someone to be your, um,” Robby’s hand moves, frowning as he searches for the word. 

“To be my forever?” You offer shyly. Robby freezes. And then he nods. “Yeah,” you swallow thickly. Robby lets out a shaky breath.

“I know it’s not what you were looking for. Or what I was looking for. But after our talk on the phone last night, I realized… I realized I might like you a lot more than just being my sleeping buddy.” 

“Study partner,” you smile. Robby laughs.

“Right. Although we said no labels.”

“Right,” you look away, flushing.

“Anyway,” Robby clears his throat, hands shaking against his coffee. "I really like spending time with you. Talking and studying and everything else. You’re funny and pretty and smart and… and everything a good doctor should be.”

That makes you feel warm inside. Being called a good doctor. Maybe more so than being called pretty. Of course you were pretty.

“And I wanted to know if you’d like to be something more. If you’d like to by my girl-”

“YES.” 

He looks up at you in surprise, mouth hanging open.You can feel your ears go red, you hide behind your hands.

“Did I say that way too fast?”

Robby laughs, loud and genuine. 

“I- No I think it was just the right amount of enthusiasm.” You smile shyly, peeking out from your fingers. He’s smiling at you fondly, the tension gone from his shoulders. He’s still got the embarrassed flush on his cheeks, the stupidly cute smile on his face. 

“Good. That's good. Forever huh?” You look up at him. 

“Well, I don’t think it’d be appropriate to ask you to marry me.” You laugh loudly.

“No. No, definitely not. I’d have to gently let you down. Tell you we skipped a few steps.”

“Yeah,” Robby scratches the back of his head. “Yeah, I’m definitely not ready for that.”

“What made you think you were ready for this?”

“Being your boyfriend?” You nod and smile. You liked that. Robby nudges your leg beneath the table with his sneaker.

“Something Jack said.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He pauses, and then leans forward, inches from your face. “And how could I not let the girl who said she loves me go without her knowing I feel the same.” 

You go soft at that. Your heart melting. You bridge the small gap between you, noses brushing as you press a gentle kiss to his lips. He deepens it, the table creaking beneath him as he leans further, cupping your face. 

You’re pretty sure the coffees have gone cold. You’re almost positive the exam you had to take had already started. But one thing you knew for sure was that you loved Robby. 

You loved Michael Robinavitch. And you think you would always.

Forever and ever and ever.

------------------------------------------------------

Did you catch the lyric references? ;)

Clark Kent | Superman:

> Safe Sex by @kryptidfiles

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, S Word Count: 450 Description: Your cat-and-mouse game with Superman comes to a head.

> Dirty Dancing by @/kryptidfiles

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 700 Description: The familiar comfort of scripts, dinner, and Clark's apartment starts feeling a little too close to call friendship.

> Starving by @/kryptidfiles

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, S Word Count: 3.75k Description: Loving Clark Kent means loving Superman too, even when the city steals him away on the nights you wanted him most.

> FutureSex/LoveSounds by @/kryptidfiles

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, HC + S Word Count: 850 Description: Smut, voyeurism!!!, p in v, breeding kink if you squint, brief mention of hyperspermia, creampie, time travel AU (Younger!Clark early 20's, older!Clark early/mid-30's), yearning!Clark

> Don't Become True by @satellite-evans

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 4.2k+ Description: There are some fears even Superman can't outrun.

> Less by @/satellite-evans

Tags: One Shot, A Word Count: 5.8k+ Description: You wished Clark loved you less.

> Old Habits Die Hard by @onlyasteelmancanbealover

Tags: One Shot, Smallville!Clark, Chubby!Reader, A + HC Word Count: 3.3k Description: Clark adores you, but Chloe doesn’t.

> Topping Clark Was Easy by @/onlyasteelmancanbealover

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, Smallville!Clark, Chubby!Reader, F + S Word Count: 1.1k Description: Topping Clark was easy. All you had to do was say, “You know how to listen, don’t you?”

> Beach Safety by @/onlyasteelmancanbealover

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, Smallville!Clark, Chubby!Reader, F + S Word Count: 2.4k Description: You look too good in your bathing suit on vacation.

> Heartbeat by @harveystan

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 6.9k Description: "I love Clark Kent so much and I still have no idea why I only have one fic about him here, that's gonna change from now. Anyways, I am sorry if this is a tiny bit angsty but I swear there's fluff and smut and you're gonna be nauseous because these two love each other way too much. Like a lot".

> My Home by @rosenclaws

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 4.6k Description: You're in Smallville as Clark's date to a childhood friend's wedding and the longer you're there, the more it feels like you don't fit into his life like you thought you did.

> Under The Yellow Sun by @purplespiritimagines

Tags: One Shot, A + HC + F Word Count: 12.2k Description: Reader who acts as a healer for the team, and their ability on paper [and seemingly in practice] is just that they can heal anybody, no matter the damage or cause, except their power actually works by stealing the wound and inflicting it upon themselves. They can take any pain, mental, chronic, sometimes even emotional depending on circumstances and the degree of it. No one knows until they take on something far too bad: losing a limb, breaking their spine, guts spilling out, etc.

> Alien Dick!Clark and Pavlov Conditioning by @innorality

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, S + F Word Count: 2k Description: You ended up realizing that making Clark your lab rat would simultaneously be the best and worst decision of your relationship.

> Goddess in Red by @chrisisvbun

Tags: One Shot, Chubby!Reader, A + HC + F Word Count: 1.7k Description: Clark wants to help you buy new clothes, but surprise hits him when he realizes how the fashion industry treats plus size women like you.

> Mostly Chimes by @little-miss-dilf-lover

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 1.5k Description: After a difficult day at work, you come home appearing despondent. You struggle to express your feelings, fail to speak the contents in your brain, unlike Clark. With some coaxing, you share what's on your mind—talking as best as you can on a late night trip to the beach

> False Devotion by @theworstwolvie

Tags: 18+, MDNI, Series, F + S + A + HC Chapter Count: Prologue | Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 Description: Being the object of a demigod's affection is what everyone wants, isn't it? That's why you're honoured to be doted upon by Apollo's favourite son, Kal-el. But when your father forces you to separate from him and become a priestess instead, you learn that being the object of a demigod's affection - and the target of his Father - isn't something anyone should yearn for.

Joel Miller | The Last of Us:

> Force of Nature by @skyesdelight

Tags: 18+, MDNI, Series, F + A + S Chapter Count: Pt. 1 | .. | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 Description: The construction company your neighbors hire to do work on their house are loud, inconsiderate, and quickly get under your skin. One man in particular seems hellbent on driving you crazy until one day, all that tension comes to a head.

> Locket by @softly-potter

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 607 Description: Working remotely has its perks, like being able to see your husband often, but it also makes it hard for you to know when to log off. However, Joel has no such problem.

> Avoidant by @/softly-potter

Tags: One Shot, A Word Count: 2.7k Description: Joel admits he’s fallen for you, his partner, and you say everything you can to avoid it.

> When You're Near by @familyvideostevie

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 2.4k Description: Joel takes off your boots, and you make out. Isn't life great?

> Lullaby by @roryispunk

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1k Description: Joel plays his guitar for you <3

Multiple Pairings | The Pitt:

> A Chance in Hell (Brendon "The Shark" Park) by @rr-after-dark

Tags: One Shot, Grumpy!Reader, F Word Count: 6.2k Description: You're the person who has to deal with the consequences of Brendon Park's actions, which means you're the only one willing to bite his head off. You want to strangle him; he wants to kiss your feet.

> Love At First Coffee? (Brendon "The Shark" Park) by @metal-armed-muse

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 4.6k Description: Brendon Park has built an entire career on being the smartest person in the room. Then he meets you, who makes him forget what he was about to say.

> In Retrospect (John Shen) by @youvebeenlivingfictional

Tags: One Shot, F + A + HC Word Count: 7.2k Description: John’s hands hook onto the railing of the gurney, his eyes darting to your face every few seconds as your entourage of medical professionals steers you down the hall. 

> Absolutely Not (Jack Abbot) by @/satellite-evans

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 6k+ Description: You trust Jack with your patients, your career, and your life. Realizing you'd trust him with your heart is a much bigger problem.

> Favorite Flower (Jack Abbot) by @/satellite-evans

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 11k+ Description: Six years after losing your daughter, a patient reminds you and Jack that grief doesn't disappear. Sometimes it just waits for you to stop running.

> Expectations (Jack Abbot) by @/satellite-evans

Tags: One Shot, F + C Word Count: 7k+ Description: You finally have expectations when it comes to men.

> Honeybee (Jack Abbot) by @dumbbandpoetic

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1.8k Description: In which Jack Abbot wasn't sure he'd ever love again, let alone think about marriage again, but here he is now doing both. (based on the song Honeybee by Olivia Rodrigo!)

> Roughhousing (Jack Abbot) by @frickyeahfanfic

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 464 Description: Thinking only about his freckled biceps...

> Breathe (Jack Abbot) by @thatfanficstuff

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 5.9k Description: Jack knows what love feels like, knows he could never feel it again. His lungs beg to differ.

> Take Care of You (Jack Abbot) by @bluetimeombre

Tags: One Shot, F + A + HC Word Count: 7.7k Description: Jack really wants to take care of you, you're really not used to that feeling, but when an accident has you in harm's way and rattles Jack more than you, you have little choice but to accept how he feels about you. (I want to take care of you- it's rotten work- not to me, not if its you) type.

> For What It's Worth (Jack Abbot) by @spikedfearn

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, F + HC + S Word Count: 12.9k+ Description: You’re used to handling things alone, even if handling them means skipping meals, ignoring problems, and laughing before anyone can see where it stings. Then Jack Abbot starts noticing too much. He pays attention in that quiet, maddening way of his, all dry comments and practical solutions, until calling him your sugar daddy stops feeling like a joke and starts feeling like the only safe label for something you’re too terrified to name. Because the problem with Jack Abbot isn’t that he wants to take care of you. It’s that you want to let him.

> Code Blue (Jack Abbot) by @isbellah

Tags: One Shot, A Word Count: 2.8k Description: Jack Abbot thought he stopped noticing people a long time ago. The hospital had a way of sanding grief down into routine - overnight shifts, cold coffee, fluorescent lights that made everyone look half-dead before they even were. But every night for a week, he notices the same woman sitting outside Room 214. The last person he expects to find in that hallway is you - the woman he once loved in the aftermath of losing everything. Now you're keeping vigil beside the hospital room of the ex-husband who broke your heart, and Jack is forced to confront the ghosts the two of you never really buried. A hospital grief fic about widowhood, loss, oncology wards, and the terrifying intimacy of being understood by someone who survived the same kind of devastation you did.

> I Hate You, Jack Abbot (Jack Abbot) by @raccooninthemachine

Tags: One Shot, A Word Count: 9.3k Description: Jack Abbot thought he was ready to remarry. You were steady with his son from his first marriage, patient with his grief, and gentle with the parts of his life he still could not touch. But being loved by Jack does not mean being chosen by him. It means living in his first wife's shadow, loving a child who is afraid to need you, and slowly realizing that sometimes love is not enough when it arrives at the wrong time.

> No Place to Put It Down (Jack Abbot) by @/afterdarkbydel

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 6.8k Description: Jack Abbot gets drunk. This is rare. This is unexpected. This is apparently also how you end up standing at your bedroom window in Pittsburgh, staring down at your husband while he recites Shakespeare on the lawn like a very handsome, very intoxicated theater kid with excellent lung capacity. He is romantic. He is committed. He is loud. You are in pajamas. The neighbors may never recover. Eventually, you get him inside, get him sitting on the edge of the bed, and attempt to help him into sweatpants while he becomes deeply concerned about your honor, your reputation, and the fact that his legs “don’t match.” Jack Abbot is steady under pressure. Drunk Jack Abbot is apparently one balcony away from a community noise complaint.

> Bite the Bullet (Jack Abbot) by @lauraneedstochill

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 7k Description: When Jack arrives in the ER in his SWAT uniform, he is surprised to see a new surgeon. And right away, he takes a liking to your brazen tone and notices your skills. He finds you intriguing. Except, you hate everything about his hobby, and you aren’t afraid to let him know.

> Maggots for Brains (Jack Abbot) by @p1stach-io

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 2.4k Description: Overwhelmed by the emotional distance of your careers, you seek a brief moment of comfort from husband amidst the chaos of his hospital shift.

> Body Keeps Score (Jack Abbot) by @mcybank

Tags: One Shot, Chubby!Reader, A Word Count: 12.6k Description: Jack used to press his thumb inside of your wrist, just to feel your pulse. He’s been thinking that lately. He’s been thinking about that a lot.

> No Place to Put It Down (Jack Abbot) by @afterdarkbydel

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 10.4k Description: After a careless comment at a bar turns into something you can’t stop hearing, Jack finds you in the aftermath—not to fix it, not to make you love your body in one night, but to stay with you while you can’t.

> You Got Me All Twisted Up (Jack Abbot) by @thatcorporategirlie

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, Older!Reader, A + HC + F + S Word Count: 13.2k Description: Jack was no better than Robby when it came to relationships. He moved through life after his divorce using intimacy as a distraction rather than a connection. And then… he met you.

> Dr. Sunshine (Jack Abbot) by @buckyscaptain

Tags: One Shot, Older!Reader, HC Word Count: 1.8k Description: Jack loves you, he does, but when you take a hit out in the ambulance bay by a less than satisfied patient and try to brush it off, you test every inch of his patience.

> Jack Abbot x Reader by @tumbleweedstillhaspanic

Tags: Headcanon, F Word Count: 760 Description: HC of boydad Jack Abbot!

> Keep Up (Jack Abbot) by @deliciousangelfestival

Tags: Series, F + A + HC Chapter Count: Pt. 1 | ... | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 Description: They spent years saving lives in a war zone and driving each other insane. Now they’re coworkers again.

> Hold Me Down (Jack Abbot) by @amnatreal

Tags: 18+, MDNI, Series, S + F + A + HC Chapter Count: Pt. 1 | ... | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 Description: Accidentally finding that D/S app, Dip, felt like having a light bulb moment. Because with all the free time that had been forced upon him, Jack needed something. Badly enough he felt like he was losing his mind. Remembering his experiences caring for a submissive, he felt like perhaps that was what he needed, what was missing. The strength in it, to offer a piece of himself, to reach into someone's psyche when their walls are let down.

> Forgotten (Jack Abbot, Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @/thatfanficstuff

Tags: One Shot, Chronic Pain!Reader, A + HC Word Count: 5.4k Description: Your boyfriends are drowning in an understaffed ED while you drown in a pain flare.

> Tear In My Heart (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @bluetimeombre

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 8.3k Description: You and Robby have always had an un-spoken understanding, that if you were two different people you’d fall in love. But he was a mess and refused to bring you down. So instead, fate threatens to take you away forever.

> U + ME + <3 (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @redd-blushing-roses

Tags: One Shot, F + C Word Count: 5.4k Description: Two med students. a late night. and a reminder that love sometimes lasts in ways that you never expect.

> Is There No Exception For Me (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @/raccooninthemachine

Tags: One Shot, A Word Count: 9.2k Description: Robby leaves for his sabbatical early because staying means letting himself be loved while he is falling apart. His fiancée refuses to let him turn fear into sacrifice, and the fight becomes the ugliest kind of heartbreak: the kind where love is still in the room, still breathing, still begging not to be abandoned.

> I'm Okay (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @dolloebaby

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 1.8k Description: Being a nurse isn’t easy, especially coupled with an inappropriate patient who thinks physical violence is okay. Dr Robby isn’t good with feelings, most definitely not romantic ones, and he undoubtedly doesn’t know what to do with the rage he feels when his favorite nurse gets attacked.

> Not Clinically Significant (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @dr-robbys

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, C + S Word Count: 4.8k Description: Robby tells himself he's paying attention because you're his resident. The explanation gets harder to defend with time.

> The Slippage in the System (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @sweetestcowboy

Tags: Series, A + HC Chapter Count: Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | ...? Description: Needing control was Michael’s biggest flaw. control of his department, especially. when a new psych fellow comes to challenge that control—he’s not intimated—he’s infuriated. He should know better than to go toe-to-toe with Dr. Jefferson’s new protegee.

> Just Breathe (Michael "Robby" Robinavitch) by @inkdippedquills

Tags: 18+, MDNI, Series, BDSM Dynamics, A + HC Chapter Count: Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | ... | Pt. 6 Description: Overwhelmed and needing an outlet from real life, you and Robby enter into an arrangement.

Batfam:

> Soft to the Touch Kiss (Bruce Wayne) by @dontyouworrydaddy

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1.4k Description: Can I request a fic with Bruce x Batmom!reader who has healing powers and heals him and the boys with a simple touch, but Bruce insists on being healed via kisses?

> Wet Kisses and Slobbering Boyfriends (Jason Todd) by @honeysucklewatr

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1.6k Description: You try a trend on Jason by wiping your bottle after he takes a sip. Clearly, he doesn’t appreciate it.

> Worship Like Sunday Morning (Jason Todd) by @/honeysucklewatr

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1k Description: Waking up to find Jason asleep on top of you. Part of you feels bad cause he’s tired. But mostly, he just wants to keep you in bed, with whatever necessary method.

> Love You Anyway (Jason Todd) by @/honeysucklewatr

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, A + HC + S Word Count: 4.7k Description: Heartbroken as Jason didn’t do anything for your anniversary, you try your best to seem unfazed. But you’re terrible at it and Jason, he can’t take it when you’re upset and he apologizes—even if it means being emotionally vulnerable.

> Tag, You're it (Jason Todd) by @/honeysucklewatr

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1.3k Description: Going to laser tag with grumpy, jealous Jason who can’t seem to admit to when things bother him. but a heated makeout session can fix that, right?

> Push and Pull (Jason Todd) by @hauntedhouseofhorrors

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 1.4k Description: Emotional intimacy/vulnerability, not extremely detailed/accurate to Emma Frost's powers...sorry lmao I tried 😭, physical wounds, mentions of fixing up wounds, Jason yells at reader, avoidant attachment, Jason's mean to himself lmao, mild language

> After Class (Jason Todd) by @nagumolvr

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 2.4k Description: Jason finishes up a few runs and decides to show up at your workplace to see how life looks for you.

> Jason Todd x Reader by @snookielicious

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 385 Description: Jason attempts to braid your hair.

> Rain + Constellations (Dick Grayson) by @faepoetry

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, S + F Word Count: 1.6k Description: You and your boyfriend dick are out on a date, stargazing when things get heated... even if it's downpouring.

> The Cost of Loving You (Dick Grayson) by @jaythes1mp

Tags: One Shot, Soulmate!AU, A Word Count: 10.2k Description: Yandere Dick Grayson x Soulmate Reader

> Background Acrobatics (Dick Grayson) by @fancy-possum

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1k Description: You’re working from home in an annoying office job. However, you happen to live with the most charming and annoying man you’ve ever met, your boyfriend. And all he wants is a bit of attention!

> Traffic Lights (Dick Grayson) by @vianawaits

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1.1k Description: A small glimpse into the domesticity of sitting at a red light after date night.

> Let Me Love You! (Dick Grayson) by @ackpplepie

Tags: 18+ MDNI, One Shot, F + C + S Word Count: 1.9k Description: Dick's been overworking himself recently and all you want to do is take care of him.

> The Shape of Falling (Dick Grayson) by @purplespiritimagines

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 8.2k Description: Reader who acts as a healer for the team, and their ability on paper [and seemingly in practice] is just that they can heal anybody, no matter the damage or cause, except their power actually works by stealing the wound and inflicting it upon themselves. They can take any pain, mental, chronic, sometimes even emotional depending on circumstances and the degree of it. No one knows until they take on something far too bad: losing a limb, breaking their spine, guts spilling out, etc.

> Dick Grayson x Reader by @amoebadue

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 3.3k Description: He calls you clingy.

Frank Castle | The Punisher:

> Frank Castle x Reader by @little-miss-dilf-lover

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 1.3k Description: Frank with a hyper independent reader that’s often reluctant to accept his help. he aims to serve.

> Pretty Little Fingers by @hellilovedit

Tags: 18+ MDNI, One Shot, S Word Count: 4.4k Description: Frank’s…a little too obsessed with your manicures.

> Sinner, Saint by @/hellilovedit

Tags: One Shot, C Word Count: 1.2k Description: Your touch is Frank’s salvation. 

> Panic! At The Kitchen Sink by @/hellilovedit

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 4k Description: You go to a bar Frank’s told you hundreds of times not to, and you find out what makes the place so dangerous. When you get home, Frank grills you about your decision—and suddenly you can’t breathe. 

> Well Fed by @/hellilovedit

Tags: 18+ MDNI, One Shot, S Word Count: 7k Description: Some bitch at work flirts with your husband by baking for him. Frank makes sure it never happens again. You make sure Frank never forgets who’s the sweetest. And the tightest. 

> Stab Wounds by @dirtylittlediary

Tags: One Shot, A + HC Word Count: 7.5k Description: "Frank? There's someone in the house..."

> Love Bites by @/dirtylittlediary

Tags: 18+ MDNI, One Shot, A + HC + F + S Word Count: 5.6k Description: What started out as a prank sent your world crashing down around you.

Miscellaneous:

> Moonage Daydream (Din Djarin) by @kedsandtubesocks

Tags: 18+, MDNI, One Shot, S + F + HC Word Count: 11.9k Description: You’ve seen a lot during your rebellion days & now with the New Republic… but working with a Mandalorian may just send you into the wildest tailspin yet.

> Frankie Morales x Reader by @berryispunk

Tags: One Shot, F Word Count: 460 Description: While a storm rages outside Frankie recognizes the saftest place is in your arms.

> The Biggest Lie (Frankie Morales) by @/berryispunk

Tags: One Shot, F + HC Word Count: 400 Description: (Finco’s Note: Some really, really pretty first-person prose about reader and Frankie)

> Roles Reversed (Adrian Chase) by @devisedplan

Tags: One Shot, F + HC Word Count: 1.3k Description: You're having a bad week, he's not his usual self, OR Adrian gets a taste of his own medicine

> Lover, You Should've Come Over (Marauders) by @amnmesias

Tags: One Shot, Poly!Marauders, A + HC Word Count: 11.1k Description: After your apparent betrayal, your boyfriends are left juggling with their unresolved grief and anger. That is, until Riddle is declared dead. The war is over. Then a bloodied body stumbles back into their lives. 

> Sticky Sweet, Tangerine (Andrew Pope Cody) by @astarlinggirl

Tags: One Shot, F + C Word Count: 1.3k Description: Andrew Cody has never been a man who smiles, not until you started waking him up by littering kisses onto every freckle on his face.

> HC of How The Characters Would React When They Find Out You Are On The Aromantic Spectrum by @/devisedplan

Tags: Headcanon, F Word Count: 960 Description: Characters include Adrian Chase, Clark Kent, Jason Todd, John Constantine, Bucky Barnes, Benjamin Poindexter, Steven Grant, Ryland Grace

Jack knew he shouldn't have left you. He'd had a feeling. The looming dread that had been creeping up on him the past couple of weeks. 

You'd been feeling out of it for a while now. A lethargic and nauseating achiness you couldn't quite shake, no matter how much tylenol or herbal teas you’d tried. 

You had played it off as nothing. Just a headache that came and went. An upset stomach due to the day old chinese food you’d eaten. 

“It's fine, Jack. I’m just tired.”

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m okay. I’m here. You don't have to worry.”

But Jack worried. 

He was always worrying. 

He knew that little things sometimes added up to a bigger, meaner somethings. That if you missed the signs, you might catch it too late. 

What exactly? Jack wasn't sure. He didn’t particularly want to find out.

But he sure as hell wasn't gonna let you blow it off now. 

His heart pounds as the ambulance finally pulls into the bay, the emergency lights blaring an ugly red and orange. Jack barely registers the EMT saying hello to him, his eyes focused on your splayed out form, laying on the gurney. 

“Hey baby,” he says, voice cracking slightly. 

“Jack,” you look up at him blearily, your eyes hazy, a bandage already taped to your forehead. Jack is quick to come by your side as the EMT lowers the gurney, his hand running over the back of your hair.

“One of the bystanders said she hit her head going down. It's not too bad. Just needs some cleaning. Same for her legs,” the EMT says to Jack as she watches him carefully lift the bandage. 

Jack lets out a shaky breath, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and leading your gurney back into the Pitt. 

“What the hell Jack. You just ran off-” Robby calls out, watching Jack come back in. He stops once he sees you, your scraped up knees and bandaged head, the confused expression on your face. “What happened?” 

“She fainted. We’ll need to start her on an iv, get her fluids and run a couple of blood tests. Do you still feel dizzy?”

“I don’t… Jack, what’s going on?” You look up at Jack, confused, panic written across your face. Jack looks back at the EMT who shakes her head.

“She was having trouble remembering the fall. Only remembers her headache and feeling sick.” 

Jack remembers how you had looked this morning. The purple bruises around your eyes and the wince you'd tried to hide when he said goodbye. 

“I don't have to go in today. Shen can cover if Robby really needs him to.”

“Go Jack. They need you more than me.”

He should have known better. 

Robby comes beside the railing of the gurney, helping to pull it into a trauma room. You look around, your chest beginning to rise and fall quicker as your eyes begin to clear of the confused fog.

“What’s going on?” 

“Jack, stay with your wife.”

“I am with her,” he throws back at Robby, turning to grab the bag of fluids Princess was moving to hand him.

“No. Stay with her as Jack. Not Dr. Abbot,” Robby tosses back, gesturing to your wide and fearful eyes. Jack swallows thickly, torn. 

Especially when you groan, turning towards Robby and vomiting off the side of the gurney railing. 

Jack’s heart hurts, pounding heavily against his sternum. You were here. The one place he hated seeing you.

Jack knows he can help take care of you right now. Bandage you up and order labs. He can solve the mystery behind why you were suddenly so ill. Why you haven’t been feeling well lately. 

He can handle that. Dr. Jack Abbot, night attending and army vet, can handle bad news.

But just Jack. Mr. Jack Abbot, loving husband and worried widower, cannot. 

He can’t take another bad diagnosis.

Jack looks up at Robby who’s helping Princess clean up the vomit, and then back at you. And he makes a decision.

“Hey,” Jack says, pushing down the railing on his side of your gurney and sitting on the edge. “Hey, honey-” He takes your head in his hands, taking the damp cloth Robby hands him and helping to clean your face. 

Jack sits with you, his scrub top abandoned, his hand clasped tightly over yours. He watches as the color slowly comes back into your face, helps you take a sip of juice when your hand trembles too much to hold the cup. He stays silent for it all, Robby cleaning and bandaging your scrapes, Perlah coming in to draw your blood, the hospital gown Princess helps you into. He watches it all with a wariness. An awful churning in his gut.

A fear gnawing away at him. 

“Jack,” you whisper, squeezing his hand. He hums, glancing up at you from where he was sitting beside your gurney. “It’s going to be alright.” 

“I know,” he whispers back. You hadn’t said much to each other. Mostly hushed whispers and clinging to each other's hand. Like raising your voices was too much for the already overstimulating hospital room.

Jack’s knee is bouncing up and down anxiously. He couldn’t help it, his mind turning over the many diagnoses, the myriad of things that could be wrong with you. You gently wrangle your hand out of his iron grip, reaching over to rest it on his jostling knee. Jack stills at the feeling of your warm palm over the fabric of his scrub pants, swallowing. You smile.

“Whatever it is… we’ll be okay.” 

"I know," Jack repeats again. But it's hard to really believe it.

He's been here once before. A hospital room just like this. The woman he loves loved sitting by his side. Slowly wasting away. And he didn’t even know it. 

He sees the symptoms, too familiar and painful. The exhaustion and fatigue that wore you down. The migraines and brain fog, lethargicness and nausea that plagued you. He sees it and he knows. Whatever labs Robby is currently looking at holds a future he’s not sure he’s ready for. 

You sigh, your hand moving upwards to run through his salt and pepper curls. They had already been mussed and messed up from his own hand raking through them. Jack sighs at the feeling, closing his eyes and leaning his head against your side. You hum, holding him close.

“I didn’t even get to do any shopping. I just… passed out in the parking lot.” 

“Don’t worry about that,” Jack mumbles into your gown. “I’ll order some groceries for delivery later.”

“I really wanted to get that new cream cheese to try. The one with the jalapenos.” You sigh. “Gosh, I wish they could just inject that into my iv. Maybe I’d perk up faster.”

Jack can’t help but crack a smile. You hum happily, still petting his hair. 

“There he is.” Jack looks up at you, his mouth open to say something. To apologize for worrying. For being so scared.

But he doesn’t get a chance.

The door to your room opens, Robby’s familiar silhouette shadowing behind the curtain.

“Jack?”

Jack clears his throat. “Yeah?” 

Robby peeks his head through the fabric. 

“I’ve got the test results back.” He comes in and sits down on the stool by the foot of your bed with a grunt. You give Jack a nervous look, your hand finding his again. He takes it, squeezing gently. Grounding. Robby clears his throat. 

“Well, your blood panels came back fine. No signs of infection or disease.”

“So…what is it? What’s wrong with her?” Jack asks, swallowing thickly. Robby looks down at the lab work in his hands, peering over the frames of his glasses at the two of you.

“Nothing.” 

The word hits harder than Jack could have expected. Of all the things he had anticipated-

You frown, looking confused.

“Nothing,” you repeat, the question no louder than a breath of air. Robby smiles and nods.

“Well, nothing that won’t go away in nine months. Congratulations kids. You're gonna have a baby." 

Both of you go very still. Your mouth falls open, Jack’s eyes practically bug out of his head. Robby sits there smugly, folding the lab results over.

“A…” Jack starts, trailing off as he leans forward. Surely he’d heard Robby wrong.

“I- a baby?” You ask, dumbstruck. 

“Hmm.” Robby nods. “From what I can tell you’re roughly six weeks along. Of course, you’d need an ultrasound and larger blood panel to be able to tell more accurately.” 

“Pregnant,” Jack breathes. His eyes dart around the room, finally meeting Robby’s. “But how?”

Robby raises an eyebrow.

“It’s a simple process. I don’t think I have to explain the exact mechanics on conceiving to you Jack-”

"No, I know- I mean how... I can't even...

"We aren't exactly prime candidates for conceiving," you finish for Jack.

He can feel your fingers wrap tighter around his hand, your shoulder brushing against his.

Robby gives you a look, his features softening. “I know. I know, I don’t know why. It happens. Sometimes fertility problems resolve themselves. No on can pinpoint why exactly. Could be hormonal changes, medication changes, reduced stress-”

You and Jack finally glance over at each other. He looks at you, eyes raking over your face, the glimmer of hope you were trying to hide. And it hits him.

The sabbatical, he thinks. The long overdue vacation he'd finally gotten around to taking. 

Three months without either of you worrying about work or patients. Three months of just the two of you; long walks in the park, lazy mornings spent in bed. Decadent yet nutritious dinners and way too many trips to the ice cream shop down the street. 

Leaving behind the worries of your every day. 

The sabbatical he’d finally come back from not even a few weeks ago. Just before you had begun to get sick-

You're the first to smile. A small curve upwards, more nervous than anything. 

"I'm pregnant." 

Jack breathes heavily in his chair. 

“You are,” Robby smiles. You take a shaky breath, unsure of what to say. “There’s quite a few things we’ll have to go over. I’m sure Jack knows this speech like the back of his hand, but it’s still customary…”

Jack is half listening as Robby goes on about the usual procedure. The prenatal vitamins you’ll need, the appointments you’ll have to set up. The safety precautions and symptoms and internal changes. The risks considering Jack was older and you weren’t very young yourself.

Jack is so far zoned out he doesn’t even realize you’re calling his name.

“Jack. Honey," you shake his shoulder, frowning. “Are you okay?” 

Jack opens his mouth, looking between you and Robby. He glances once at your stomach. Hidden behind the hospital gown. Looking exactly like it had yesterday. 

But it was different. There wasn’t some disease growing inside you. Some foreign thing making you sick and slowly sucking the life out of you.

There was a baby growing there. You were sick because you were making another life. 

Jack is hit by the realization that for the next nine months, you were going to be going through all kinds of changes. All kinds of hurdles and milestones. 

A baby.

Jack suddenly feels sick.

“I have to go,” he blurts, shaking your hand off of his shoulder and beelining out of the hospital room.

“Jack!” You call out, your voice raising with surprise. 

“I just need some air!”

Jack doesn’t turn back. He can’t. He can’t let you see the utter terror written on his face. 

He marches down the hall, ignoring the looks the nurses give him, the confusion Trinity and Mel share as he storms out down the crowded hallway and to the stairwell.

------------------------------------------------------

You find Jack outside. Not on the roof like you’d panicked he’d be. 

Robby had come back, shaking his head, trying to calm your racing heart.

No. After finally convincing Robby to let you help him look, You find Jack sitting on one of the benches in the park across the way from PTMC. He’s sitting there, elbows braced against his knees, staring off into the distance.

You approach him carefully, blades of grass crunching beneath the slip on clogs the hospital provided. Your clothes feel cold against you, comforting and familiar after the scratchy hospital gown. You glance back at Robby who stands at the edge of the park. He nods, encouraging you to keep going. 

As you get closer, you realize Jack’s not just staring off at nothing. You catch sight of his eyes, focused and glistening beneath the late afternoon light. You follow his sight line, watching a little family on the other side of the park. A broad shouldered man tossing a foam ball to a toddler girl, her mother laughing as her girl toddles about. 

You watch Jack for a moment, staying out of his sight line. You don't have to try very hard to guess what he's thinking about. The sheer amount of worry and confusion he's feeling. 

You felt it yourself. The whiplash of expecting the worst outcome only to learn you were carrying something wonderful. There was still the nervousness of what the future would look like. 

The schedules that would need rearranging, the house child proofed, your office room cleared out in space for another little person. Doctors appointments and ultrasound photos taped to the fridge, onesies and books and diapers tucked away in a closet. 

In spite of the excitement you felt, the confused yet exhilarating feeling of knowing you were going to be a mother, you were scared. 

There was a whole person you'd have to take care of. You'd have to grow and birth. You weren't exactly a spry chicken. Neither was Jack. And there were more risks and complications that came with that.

On top of all the things that came with pregnancy. 

You might not be dying from some malady. But pregnancy was no small thing either. 

You finally take a step forward, placing your hand gently on Jack’s shoulder. He snaps out of his stupor, back straightening, a panic written in his eyes.

“You shouldn’t be up-”

“I’m okay.” He frowns. You point to the space beside him on the bench. “Can I sit?” 

Jack nods, scooting over a bit. You sit. Jack wipes his eyes with the palm of his hand; being closer now, you can see they’re red rimmed and glassy. He doesn’t look at you. Not at first.

But he’s the first to open his mouth again.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run out of there. That was a dick move."

You swallow against the thick lump in your throat, trying to keep the well of anger rising at bay. It wasn’t hard to. The fear and anxiety laid bare in Jack’s voice. The thoughts he tried so hard to hide from you unveiled. 

You nod. “Yeah. It kinda was." 

He takes a breath, reaching out to hold your hand. You take it, his thumb brushing along the ridge of your knuckles.

"I just... this whole time I was worried I was going to lose you. I kept thinking about all the ways I’d have to watch you die. All the treatments or surgeries…” he chuckles dryly. “I was so worried about you. And now all I’m thinking about is how we’re going to have a kid walking down the aisle in a cap and gown when I’m 70.” 

You sigh, the breeze a gentle comfort as it blows against your cheeks.

“That's all you’re thinking about? College already?” You give his hand a small, loving squeeze. Teasing. A clearing amidst the stormy turmoil you both had been worrying over.

“Well,” he shrugs slowly. “You know, between wondering if the pregnancy will hold. Or birth. Or what elementary school drop offs will look like and dinners and the house and my crazy schedule-”

“I know. I know, it’s a lot.”

Jack nods. “It is… and I’m scared.”

You look at him. Your heart aches with the pure sincerity written on his face. Jack was never one to hide his feelings. But he rarely gave them away easily. Not like this.

Truth written in the glassy mist of his eyes, the worry carried in the tightness of his hand around yours.

“I know,” you nod. “I know it’s not going to be easy. Robby explained the risks.” 

The long list of complications and genetic disorders and risky side effects run through your mind. You hadn’t known just how fragile pregnancy became the older you got. It was just never something that had crossed your mind. To think or worry about. But now…

You continue.

“I know this wasn’t what we had planned, Jack. Us. Having kids… and I know you may not want- may not think we can do this. But I don’t think this is such a bad thing.”

Jack’s eyes widen, his frown deepening.

“What, woah. No I don’t want you thinking that. I don’t- I don’t think that.” 

“Really?” You take a deep breath, hopeful. Jack finally smiles. A small and gentle quirk of his mouth.

“Really. And I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I just… I didn’t think that I could have one.” 

“A baby?” You clarify. He nods.

“I told you about what happened in the army. With my leg and, well, everything else. And you told me having kids wasn’t exactly going to be easy for you.” It’s your turn to nod.

Between Jack’s injury and age, your genetics and seemingly lackluster fertility, a baby had just never been a part of your plan. And you were fine with it. Life was crazy enough as it was.

“I know. But here we are.”

Jack nods, looking out into the park again. He’s watching the small family again, eyes glued to the man as he hoists his giggling daughter into his arms.

“Here we are,” he mumbles. 

“We don’t have to figure everything out right now Jack. There’s still time.” 

“Seven months and two weeks,” he huffs. You chuckle.

“Right. Plenty of time.”

------------------------------------------------------

Robby makes Jack leave the hospital early with you. 

Although Jack would use the term ‘make’ loosely, considering he had already decided he wasn’t staying the moment he saw you in the ambulance’s hull. You’re cleared to leave not long after Robby drags the both of you back into the ED, making sure to stop by the pharmacy to pick up your new prescriptions. 

The prenatal vitamins and nausea medication sit among Jack’s own clutter of meds on the kitchen counter. Jack told you not to worry about groceries or the car still at the store. He’d take care of all of it in the morning.

For now, he just wanted to clean away the sterile smell of the hospital lingering on both of your clothes and get to bed.

He’s grateful, for once, that you're exhausted enough to fall asleep the minute your head hits the pillow. You’re breathing softly beneath the sheets before Jack can even pull his prosthetic off, your hand lain out on his side, like you still wanted him to hold it unconsciously. 

But sleep doesn’t come for him. Jack lays awake for a long while. 

The moonlight casts wispy shadows along the wall and he watches them, thinking. He plays with his wedding ring, twirling it between his fingers with mesmerizing ease. 

Not the ring you'd slipped onto his left hand years ago, the dark amber band that still glistens on his ring finger. Jack plays with the wedding ring he wore a long time ago, still a young man figuring things out. From his first marriage. His first wife.

It wasn't often he pulled the ring out. Sometimes it hurt too much to even look at it; to think about and remember her. Jack fiddles with the ring now, holding it against his lips as if he could whisper all his worries into it.

The worries which still rested in the side of his ribs, changed but there all the same. Jack can’t help but think of all the things he never got to do with her. The future they’d planned cut short by an illness he couldn’t cure. Maybe it’s why he felt so scared now. 

This unplanned thing laid out before him. Far out of his control.

Jack tosses and turns, his mind reeling with memories and thoughts about the future. He quietly gets up, setting the ring on his nightstand and fitting his prosthetic back on. He slips out of your bedroom, making sure you were still settled before wandering down the hall.

He’d always wanted to be a father. That wasn’t the problem. Hearing that you were pregnant had resurfaced those feelings like they’d never been buried. The idea of having a mini him, with matching curls and crooked smile. Or a mini you, with your bright eyes and pretty nose.

The problem was that desire had been locked away for a very long time. After he got injured in the army. After he became a widow. Even after he met you. Jack had begun to accept that being someone’s parent was just not in the cards he’d been dealt. But now…

Jack stands in the living room, staring around the dark room. He moves quietly, picking up a random glass and setting it in the kitchen, moving the tossed couch pillows back into their designated places. He can’t sit still when he tries. The air suffocating inside in spite of the cooling system blowing gently.

Jack ends up sitting outside on the back porch, his head in his hands. 

What would she have thought? After all this time. 

A baby. 

Jack’s not even sure he should begin to want this. To let himself hope. There was so much uncertainty with a later in life pregnancy, of an older parent conceiving a child. The constant what ifs and complications. So much to worry about.

Jack sighs, running a hand through his mussed curls as he realizes how tired he is. Of feeling on edge. Of never feeling like he could settle. The worry of something bad happening again. Of being all alone-

A noise sounds from the bushes running along the fence.

Leaves rustle softly, twigs crunching beneath something weighty. Jack looks up, brows furrowing. He squints, standing and flipping on the porch light to illuminate the dark backyard. The rustling sounds again, and Jack inches closer.

He pauses. And then he lets out a disbelieving laugh, instantly quieting himself.

The rabbit which had ducked back into the foliage at the sound of his voice peeks it’s head out again in the new silence. Her nose twitching, beady black eyes staring straight into Jack. He lets out a breath, in awe of the rare sight. He knew there were plenty of rabbits that lived around the neighborhood. He often saw where they burrowed through your garden or ate certain plants. But actually seeing one was rarer.

Of all the nights…

He goes still when the rabbit moves. Inching slowly out of the bush. She turns back, snuffling softly and moving forward again. A baby in tow.

Now, Jack was not a very superstitious man. At least, not by nature. He laughed when Ellis chastised him for saying the “q” word in the ED, rolled his eyes when Joy and Nazely talked about karma.

But if life had taught Jack anything, it was to never ignore the signs. 

He watches the pair of rabbits hop through the backyard, eyes following their path until they squeeze through the cracked boards of the fence, disappearing into the night. Jack lets out a slow and much needed exhale, the cool air of the night finally feeling fresh.

New.

Second chances that don't always happen every day.

Baby rabbit. 

Baby Abbot.

He liked the sound of that. And maybe, this time, there wouldn’t be so much to worry about. Not with you by his side. 

------------------------------------------------------

Bonus:

"Jaack!" You call out from the kicthen, where you're putting the first few bags of groceries away.

"Yeah?" Jack's voice echoes down the hall, the sound of more paper bags rustling.

"Did you get- never mind!" You grin as you find the tub of cream cheese you'd been dying to get your hands on, practically tearing the package open and digging in. You let out a satisfied hum as you eat a spoonful of the spicy spread, nodding in satisfaction.

Jack enters the kitchen, arms full of groceries, an amused look on his face.

"As good as you'd hoped it'd be?" You hum again.

"Better. I think your child already has great taste in cuisine."

Jack stills for a fraction of a second, then smiles. He sets down the bags and moves over by your side, pressing a kiss to your forehead, carefully around the tender cut still hidden by a bandage.

"Yeah they do."

You both put away the food and various household items you'd needed to stock up on. Trash bags and pasta, that lavender creamer you loved and Jack's protein bars he always carried in his scrub pockets.

You munch on a bagel- properly toasted and spread with your cream cheese because Jack insisted on at least being civilized about your cravings- going through the last bag. The bag crinkles as you feel around inside; you frown as your hand comes into contact with something soft. Fluffy. You peer inside.

A little stuffed bunny peers back at you. You stare at it for a moment, and then you laugh.

"Jack?"

"What?" He asks, folding the towel he'd just used to wash his hands. You smile, holding up the bunny. His ears go pink and he gives you a bashful grin.

"I just thought... well I thought it might be cute for the baby. You know, rabbits are thought to be good luck charms or something."

You laugh, bright and hopeful and so in love.

"You're so sweet, you know that Jack Abbot?"

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I am actually so obsessed with peter rabbit, it's not even funny. and I love the silly "jack rabbot" joke.