The fear of abandonment isn’t just about people leaving, it’s the gut-wrenching belief that you aren’t worth staying for.

Ohhhh so I was doomed from the beginning okay

sometimes a relationship with your father is like “my father is a malignant presence, a bully, and a liar” and “I’m better than you” and “let me out. I don’t want to be you” and “I just do what my dad tells me” and “I can see through you” and “why did you never ask me?” and “he sees everything” and “you have a hard time finding a happy medium between worshipping him and wanting to kill him” and “he loves me. he does. it’s just a wrong kind of love expression” and “fuck dad, he can kick me as many times as he wants” and “pass me the fucking shotgun” and “dad, please. /what have you got in your fucking hand?/ i don’t know, love?/ love? you come for me with love?” and “there’s nothing you could say to me now that I would ever believe” and “are you a cunt?” and “he never even liked me” and “I can’t forgive you … but it’s okay. I love you” and “it’s what dad would do” and “you hated him./ I loved him” and “maybe the poison drips through” and “he was so terrifying to us” and “when he let you in, when the sun shone … it was warm in the light” and most importantly, “he made me breathe funny”