Yknow

I've been reminded of this concept a few times lately and I wanted to formalize it a bit and put it to paper. The goal is to practice communicating exactly what you feel and how you feel it. Specifically, it attacks the tendency to accept something "good enough," or avoid speaking up to spare a partner's feelings.

This current write-up should be considered a draft.

To begin: with one or more partners, decide on a activity you want to engage in together. A non stressful experience, such as sensual touch or groping is a good place to start. A full scene including rope, impact, and headspace dynamics will likely be more difficult. I recommend taking turns bottoming for this exercise.

Once you begin, the bottom has two goals; the first is to communicate your feelings constantly. Give constant feedback on anything your partner does. Say what you like, what you dislike, what you want, and why, without thinking about it too hard. Avoid extended breaks between statements, although you can practice filling these with nonverbal communication if you wish. The second goal is to focus primarily on receiving. This serves to support the first goal and avoid distraction. it does not mean you cannot reciprocate or touch your partner, but you should not do so out of an obligation, sense of fairness, or desire to pleasure your partner(s). The exercise should be focused on the bottom's experience and communication thereof.

The intent here is to achieve a stream of consciousness that allows you and your top to learn what you like on a very individual level. Outside of this exercise, you might say "I like being scratched because I enjoy the marks and it makes me feel owned." Inside of this exercise, you might say "I like the way the light scratches make me shiver, and harder scratches feel warm. No more in that spot, it feels to sensitive. Wow, I'm really looking forward to the marks from these. That one was too hard. The way your hair is tickling my back right now is bothering me. I think I'd like it if you mirrored your scratches on each side of my back."

For the top(s), the goal is to study your partner and give them time to communicate. There's never a need to stop touching them, but do so slowly, or repeat actions several times to allow them to verbalize what they are feeling. Make small changes based on their feedback to see how they respond. Return to an action later in the exercise to see if the response is the same. Encourage, but don't pressure, the bottom to continue speaking if they lapse, and make sure they know that you are enjoying giving this attention to them.