Rebel with a cause

…

With all the preparations for the upcoming event,  Phelix had been busy.  He knew he’d be remaining inside the Red Keep Magaesterium to keep himself alive - literally, alive.  Phelix had never been without his magic; he couldn’t imagine what it would do to him physically, to lose it after all the damage and ravages he’d committed to his own body.  He wouldn’t just be weak’ Phelix was fairly sure he would die.

But even with the plans to remain hidden in the Magaesterium during the rebellion’s next push, Phelix did consider the event an opportunity.  There were plenty of plans he could put into initiation outside of the tower.   And with him forced to remain inside the Magaesterium, any of the rebel anarchy couldn’t be connected to him.  

It took a lot of pre-planning, combined with recovery from the Solothrace event, and Phelix’s interest in finding that dragon of Asfahel.  

But for now, he looked forward to the pleasant routine of meeting with Riza to talk.  He genuinely enjoyed their talks together, as much as Phelix could enjoy anything.  There was a satisfaction sharing thoughts aloud with such a good sounding-board like his Riza.

He embraced her lightly, then settled into a chair.  “I’m still a little tired from Asfahel, but I’m alright.  Some tea would be nice, if you don’t mind,”  Phelix spoke mildly, steepling his fingers.  “Tell me, chih.  What news do you bring?”

-

Riza was aware that she should be more worried about the eclipse, and about the rituals that were happening. She’d even almost forgotten her talisman that had allowed for her not to be affected. For a few moments, she wondered why she’d felt so wired, so off the walls before she put on her talisman to ward off the effects of the eclipse.

The mage nodded when he asked for tea. She always made sure to have some waiting for him when they met. “Of course,” she said with a nod as she when over to the pot and the tea cup, pouring some tea for the both of them. As she handed over the cup, she said, “I know that you are probably aware that someone has been killing rebels. I’ve recently found that person. He’s a dragon, and I may have an in with him. He thinks that we’re friends,” Riza said, purposely leaving out the fact that they were friends. “He admitted his endeavors to me in confidence.” Yet she wouldn’t tell Phelix that she cared for Cailean. She would simply leave that portion out. She didn’t want the man to think that she was forming attachments.

She kept her face free from emotion, not wanting to reveal a single emotion. It was an art that she’d learned over the years, controlling the emotion in her face to keep from any truth. She also tried to hid any emotional turmoil by focusing and pretending that Cai was just any other man, even though her heart truly ached for what she was having to do. Telling Phelix was necessary, no matter her personal feelings. 

-

“He is a man of great wisdom and wit.” Theodore mutters, a purposeful recount of Riza’s admiration. A means to comfort the mage, who seemed in desperate need of purposeful encouragement. “But he is not without flaws or shortcomings.” He adds, a safe presumption by his accounts. The complexity of the Milrothar man was not to be trifled with. Still, Theo was wary of speaking ill of the man. At least, in Riza’s company. Never the less, he listens intently, passing his eyes over her pale complexion. He places the brush aside, arms crossed as he listened intently to his query. Theodore expected many things from their exchange, but this was not it. A crack in the effervescent image of the mage. It was an unsettling sight, but he regarded it as normal. Did Theo himself not carry his own demons, hidden away behind a Princely disposition or a radicalized rebel?

“Beric was my favorite.” Theodore answers, after a long pause to mull over her query. “They say you are not allowed to have a favorite among siblings. But he was mine. I taught him how to hold a sword and read Yarra’s scripts.” He recalls, his relaxed expression darkened by the topic. But in the safety of the stables, the rebels were allowed a moment of openness. A silent exchange, before they donned their proverbial masks and carried on. “I hesitated. Just for a moment. I watched his movements, watched his footwork. I knew his next four moves, and how to counteract it. He would have lived, had I simply gone in step.” With a heavy sigh, he flickers his sights towards his loyal steed. “But I remembered what we truly stand for. In the veil of explosions and attacks, it’s hard to remember. But I did. I remembered that our fight is bigger than political allegiances. We are fighting for a better world. A world where fewer mouths go hungry, and the rich do not automatically dictate the course of legislation. A new world.”

Cracking his knuckles, he clenches his jaw and utters; “And I chose the greater good, over my own blood.” He releases his grip, attempting to dissuade the emotions within him. No one was privy to the Prince’s true feelings on the matter. “Hesitation is normal. It means you are not a fool. You assess, you deliberate, and then you move forward. It only makes you a better rebel.” Theodore placates. “The question is a simple one, Riza. What are you fighting for? And is it greater than the well-being of one dragon?”

-

Riza nodded, agreeing with Theo on Phelix. He was a man of great wisdom and wit. “I suppose I put him on such a pedestal that I often fear that he has his own shortcomings. I always assume that he’s all knowing. It is probably my own fault that I liken him to a god at times.” She shook her head, knowing that the sheer thought was ridiculous. He was just a man. A man that had lived far longer than her mind could even comprehend. But he was a man.  Riza knew that speaking to someone else, that knew Phelix well would be great to provide her a different opinion of the man than the one she had.

She gave Theo a sad smile when he talked about his brother being his favorite and there it was, the reason why. The reason that the rebels did this, often and always outweighing the connections that they had. It hit her in the pit of her stomach, and simultaneously in her heart what she would have to do do. Riza bit the inside of her cheek, not wanting to let her emotions betray her, and yet there was a lump in her throat that just wouldn’t go away. “I didn’t even have the emotional attachment to the late Duke, and yet I hesitated. If he asks of me to kill C-Cai…it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do for the cause. And I came here thinking that I had another way, but I know that I don’t. All that you’ve done for the cause. I believe partially, I came to you because of the strength you exhibited. I don’t admire many people, but I do admire you, Theo.” Riza didn’t want to imagine what it must have taken for Theo to do what he did, but she’d admired the fact that he did do it. By the end of this, they all would give so much to this cause.

Truth be told, Riza didn’t know if she would be able to do as Theo had done. Choose the greater good over her own blood. Her siblings have thus remained untouched, and she was glad that neither of them were useful to Phelix. Simply commoners that fly under the radar. “Thank you, for saying that.” Him asking her what she’s fighting for, caused her to pause. “I’m…fighting for the people. The commoners that go overlooked in a system that’s set up for perpetual imbalance. The poor shouldn’t to stay poor. They shouldn’t stay taxed until there’s nothing left. I watched my father fight for the system and die for it. And I watched my mother have to give her body to any and everyone to keep food and a good life for her and her three children. My mother reduced to nothing but a common whore. The work we do helps the majority…and he’s just…one…” She hesitated over the word, “dragon.” She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. “I see why Phelix says magic is the only love that matters. Caring about people…is silly when you may end up harming the person you care about for the cause.”

“If you say so,” Samara let out a low whistle followed by a light shrug. She knew plenty of people who might argue that guilt was a necessary evil verses working to get rid of any trace of it. But, then again, Samara wasn’t one of those people. She still had guilt. It wasn’t something one could easily destroy completely, but not when it came to killing. Her captors had made sure of that a long time ago. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Samara asked as she motioned for Riza to follow her. Her eyes never seeming to stray from Riza’s despite her mind being focused on the target moving through the crowds around them. “Why does it feel wrong to you?” She asked curiously. The gears shifting in her head, analyzing how they should be go about the kill depending on Riza’s answer to her question.

Riza nodded when the other woman asked if she could ask her a question. Riza hadn’t been expecting this question in particular to be the one that was asked. But it gave her pause to think about. “At first thought, I’d because it’s wrong. Murdering someone save for war and just cause has always been wrong. But many things are wrong and I have done said things. It feels wrong because it’s almost as though I am likening myself to a god, deciding when life should end. It feels wrong because I enjoy it. And because the guilt always comes because I think of the people they are leaving behind. That if not for this one action, they’d get to go home to those people. So I guess it’s just guilt,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t know how to turn off my my mind for this...and yet I can turn it off when I’m manipulating people.” Perhaps it was because she didn’t feel as if that was as damning as murder. 

“Hah! Ought to figure out if I can charge for it, if I can find people who want to pay me to just be around.” He started laughing again, as if the absurd notion was the funniest thing he’d ever said. “Ah, but not you, never you. I’d be around you for free even if it drove my new business bankrupt, I would.” He grinned, them both affirming their friendship back and forth. “Listen to us, being all sorts’o sentimental.” Oggy got to know people as a given, helped find marks, people he could use, all sorts, but when he was lucky he found people like Riza. People he could also just be himself with and, wonder that it was, enjoy each other’s company. 

“Good, good.” Oggy nodded. “Aww, Riza, Riza, Riz, you have done incredible things, doing them still… what was all that ‘bout manipulating powerful people, yeah? Pretty incredible, isn’t it?” It was by Oggy’s standards, of which there weren’t many but Riza still blew them out of the water. He reached out to her, accidentally poking her cheek. “Damn. Depth perception.” He snorted, and shook his head. “That’s all kinds of remarkable, grew up wanting to change the world an’ here you are doing it. Actuat- Actualying- whatever that word is” Oggy shrugged. “Which little Oggy? I’ve lived a long damn time for certain, little Oggy back in Fahalune didn’t have any grand plans that’s for sure. He was boring and bored. Dumb little kid that set out tea for the rats in the house. Most of the time trying to get by doing what his parents wanted till bigger-little Oggy figured that was for suckers, wasn’t getting anywhere with it. So I went a bit different path.” It was a story old enough to feel like someone else’s. He’d been spending enough time with human’s the elf felt like he could reinvent himself every couple of hundred years.

Oggy nodded and nodded again as Riza went on about more rebel reasoning. It all made sense, straightforward that even in the herb-addled state he could follow it. “Right, careless people in power just make the whole world weaker.” He tried to follow a linear path of reasoning, knitting his eyebrows as he thought. This thought process was interrupted as again he examined the pipe. “Yeah, too hard to carve too much detail into dragonbone, and if it was they would have made the whole thing out of bone.” He nodded resolutely. “Some liars just don’t think through their lies very well.”

Oggy just spun once, letting air cut through his open fingers, before he plopped to the ground. More laughter bursting out of him as he sat long legs splayed out in front of him as he looked up. Oggy watched Riza, nearly captivated as she frolicked. “Good! Oi, good that you feel care free now, not that you haven’t felt it in years.” Oggy leaned back into the grass, breathing in the fresh air and enjoying himself for minutes before he remembered to roll over to be close to Riza. Something about watching out for embarrassing moments on his mind. “Should I have asked you what you were so worried about before we smoked? That a bad friend thing to do?”

-

“You may be surprised how many people may actually pay for your company. “ Riza placed a hand over her heart with a smile at his words. “Be still my heart. You would still spend time with me even if it meant your prosperous business went bankrupt. I feel very special.” She truly felt like herself, the woman she barely knew and barely got to encounter. Her friendship with Oggy was pure and untainted by the Rebellion, or by Phelix’s own influence. It was one of the most cherished friendships she had.

She shook her head. “When I was younger, before the Magaesterium and before my father died, I don’t think I would have been expecting to achieve it by manipulating people.” And murder, but she wasn’t ready to say that just yet. She wanted to enjoy the freeing feeling for just a little while long. Riza had a snort of her own when he poked her cheek. She opened her mouth to say something, but the sound caused her to laugh even harder. “It’s hard to imagine a boring version of you,” she said almost trying to imagine a smaller version of him that wasn’t as big of a personality. Yet, it was hard to do so. “You see so much life and people come and go, I couldn’t imagine. I almost envy it.” Though Riza didn’t think she’d ever want to live as long as elves could. The world held so much disappointment. Living through the ebbs and flows of it would be exhausting.

“Lying is an artwork that some never learn to do properly. I’ve been lying since I was a child. Partially learned it from my mother. She had a way about her that would make anyone feel like they were the only one. But I suppose that’s a nice talent to have working in a brothel.” Riza adored her mother, and respected what the woman did to put food on the table for them. She probably wouldn’t be as good of a liar had she not subtly learned from observing her mother interact on a day to day with those around her.

She turned on her side on so that she could look at Oggy as he spoke. Riza chuckled, shaking her head at his question. “No, it’s definitely okay that you didn’t. I wasn’t ready to tell you. You can never be a bad friend. I was…” she paused, playing with a blade of grass. “I do a lot of things for the rebellion, but the one that I can never go back from is that I…killed a man recently. First time,” she admitted. While the action normally weighed heavily on her, right now she didn’t feel the guilty or despair. She still felt light and happy but she also didn’t meet Oggy’s eye. She didn’t know why the action made her feel so guilty or as though the people she was close to wouldn’t understand or accept her.

Who asks for it:

[x] Your muse asks mine

[ ] My muse asks yours

Riza wouldn’t ask only because she wouldn’t think he’d want to actually go on a date with her after their past. 

Type of date:

[x] Platonic Date

[x] Romantic Date

[ ] First Date

[ ] Double date with: ____ & ____

I believe the intention could be platonic, but I doubt that would last long. She often would find herself very blushy and flirty in his presence.

Location for the date:

[ ] Movies  • [ ] Romantic Comedy  • [ ] Adventure Movie  • [ ] Animation (Pixar/Disney)  • [ ] Horror  • [ ] Drama  • [ ] Buddy Movie  • [ ] ___ (other options)

[ ] Restaurant  • [ ] Expensive/High Class  • [ ] Small and familiar  • [ ] Fast Food

[ ] Nature • [ ] Beach • [ ] Park • [ ] Forest     • [x] …and having a picnic

[ ] Visiting a Museum

[ ] Visiting an amusement park

[ ] Visiting a haunted location

[ ] Staying at home • [ ] Watching movies • [ ] Playing Video Games • [ ] Reading

[ ] ___ (other options)

I believe that Riza’s ideal date is something outside, picnic and stargazing. She often enjoys the simpler things that allows her to simply talk and have interactions that she often lacks when she’s in “rebel” mode. 

The date might hopefully end with…

[x] …holding hands

[x] …a kiss

[x] …in bed

[x] …knowing each other better

[ ] …sleepover between friends

[ ] …a marriage proposal

[ ] ___ (other options)

Should you reblog this?:

[ ] Yes. I want to send you one.

[x] Yes.

She took a deep breath as she waited to have regular briefing with Phelix. Riza never had meetings with the man at her home, which probably should have struck as odd but she was glad that he didn’t come into her actual home. There her siblings came in and out when they pleased, those that she considered friends were always welcome. Phelix being there to see any of those she held near and dear would most definitely had been a complication that her life hadn’t needed, though now of course she had this complication as well.

When he arrived, she rose from her desk to greet him, arms outstretched for an embrace. “Phelix,” she said with nothing but warmth in her voice. Her smile bright, almost for just a moment forgetting exactly what she needed to speak with him about. “How are you?” She asked. “I do have some news that I want to speak with you in regards to,” she said prefacing the interaction. It would be now or never. If she let the opportunity pass, she would never truly tell him about Cai. @phelixmilrothar​

     CECILY  NODDED  IN  AGREEMENT.  “  it  helps  the  first  few  times.  think  of  the  person  as  a  job  that  has  to  be  done  if  you  must.  the  detachment  will  come  with  time.  ”   

     after  her  first  job  ,  the  assassin  had  to  stop  thinking  of  her  targets  as  people  as  well.  instead  she  reduced  them  to  things  on  her  to  do  list  ;  kill  them  ,  check  them  off  ,  and  get  paid.  the  more  she  killed  ,  the  less  difficult  it  became  to  use  her  targets’  lives  as  leverage.  even  the  most  powerful  and  devious  of  people  begged  for  mercy  because  ‘  they  have  a  family  ’.  she  never  gave  them  mercy  ,  but  had  struck  up  a  deal  with  some  because  she  knew  they  had  something  they  wanted  —  double  crossing  was  apart  of  the  game.  besides  ,  knowing  her  marks  turned  them  into  clay  in  her  hand.  

     “  yes.  ”  cecily  responded  simply.  there  was  a  monster  coiled  in  her  that  only  felt  peace  when  she  spilled  blood.  it  had  lived  long  past  cecily’s  first  kill  ,  her  morbid  enjoyment  never  fading.  “  the  duke’s  death  was  a  significant  achievement  for  you  and  your  cause  ,  why  would  you  not  enjoy  it?  he  was  an  obstacle  and  ,  as  you  said  ,  capable  of  doing  terrible  things  .  .  .  now  ,  if  what  you  mean  to  ask  is  is  it  wrong  to  feel  like  that  ,  i  cannot  give  you  an  answer.  my  morals  are  few  and  far  between.  ”  

-

“A job that has to be done. That seems easy enough in theory. In practice might be a different story, but I believe thinking of the person as a job may work. I do that often when I’m working someone by means of manipulation. It’s a necessary action that has to be done.” This was how Riza eventually detached from the guilt of the facade she often wore around everyone save a few. 

If she were applying that same practice to committing murder, it may actually be easier for her. She needed to learn that thinking of their families wasn’t going to help her with this. Thinking of the lives they’ve lead or the good they might have done at some point in them was only torturing her. She couldn’t paint a picture of a life someone led before she ended it and she knew not everyone she may have to harm would have as easy of justification as the late Duke Ashcraft. 

“Yes, but I know that not all of them will be as easily justified and explained away. The execution initially, I was far too engrossed in what his son would feel, what Ainsley might feel if she wasn’t relieved, of course. The second time, I attached justification of his own immoral character to my motivations, but I know that not every case will be the same. Not every one will have just reason for their demise.” When Cecily mentioned her own morals, a humorless chuckle left Riza. “I’m beginning to think that I’m not as moral of a woman as I believed myself to be either.” 

…

“Guess a little bit of softness lets the people around me get plenty soft themselve, wouldn’t you say? Course now you couldn’t get me to run away if you really tried.” He joked, laughing a bit louder at the half-funny sort of thing he said. He was of course talking about his spindly legs trying to coordinate were he to inhale more as he planned. But it could, if one was feeling emotional and tender, be taken metaphorically. He liked being friends with Riza, and there were few things she could do to shake him now.

“Hah! I should have warned you more about the cough! Eh, you’ll be fine, won’t you? Feeling it already? Nostalgic innit?” He grinned, and nodded when Riza felt comfortable enough to share her own story. “That sounds lovely, that does. Magical training fields with your dad? I can just imagine little Riza not, firecracker that you are. Were you always?” He asked absentmindedly, taking the pipe and pulling on it long and slow. Never one to say no to overindulgence. 

“You get me, see you understand why some things just can’t stay in the hands of stupid careless people. S’not right for ‘em. Disgusting man he was.”  Even as he said it, Oggy was reexamining the carving’s again, just to make sure it wasn’t dragonbone. Couldn’t be, could it? He shook his head, attention turned back to his friend.

“Oi, oi, where would the fun be when you’re looking for what it feels like instead of waiting for it to happen” He winked, walking closer to her. “Told you it was gentle, love. Meant it, didn’t I? Just makes you happy, loose, gets rid of those worries you hang onto, makes you a bit shit at darts so don’t go trying that, but everything else feels great. Sounds, tastes, like magic without the magic. C’mon, c’mon” He reached out for her arm, pulling her to a bit of clearing far from the road where plants were springy and fresh. “Lay down with me, let’s feel the grass on our skin, star up at the stars and see if we can watch them dance or hear them sing.”

-

“You do have quite the affinity for it. Big, bad Rebel Riza who has manipulated powerful people with great reach in the world, is a complete softie around you. That’s quite the accomplishment,” she praised with a smile. Truth be told, Riza hadn’t known this side of herself until she met and started to hang out with Oggy. It was her true self that she was meeting every time. Riza chuckled, imagining him try to runaway, but she also hoped that he meant it not only literally but figuratively. “Likewise. I’d more likely run to you than away from you any day.” Though Riza knew everyone had their limits and she never trusted that one day the rebel in her would get even Oggy to run away. 

She cleared her throat. “Yes. I’m fine. I practically expected the cough. I feel...good. Not like I felt yesterday, or even how I felt earlier today. Or a few minutes ago.” She chuckled remembering her younger self. “I was always this way, but more loving, less jaded. I had potential and I believed that little Riza Reyes could do incredible things. All of the girls around growing up, they dreamt of marrying into noble families. They wanted to be Princesses and Queens. Not me, I wanted to change the world even then.” Sure she’d done incredible things, but that hadn’t been in the way she’d imagined. “Tell me about little Oggy?” She asked, wanting to know what he had been like before the man that he was now. 

“Of course I get you. I get that concept. I’m a rebel. My basic belief is people that are in power are being careless, thus their current seat in power isn’t right for them.” It was a very basic version of all that had driven her to becoming a rebel, but it was the same concept. If you’re careless and disgusting, you don’t truly deserve what you have. She caught Oggy examining the pipe once more. “I don’t believe its dragon bone. I believe the man was telling a tall tale to garner interest.” 

Riza followed him to clearing, taking a moment to spell the fresh scent of plants all around. She felt free of the worries that always bound and shackled her. Happily twirling, a chuckle leaving her,  as she marveled at the light breeze of the wind that wafted over her skin. She ended her twirl by falling into the grass to lay down and look up at the stars. “I don’t think I’ve felt so light hearted without a care since I was that little girl in the clearing with her father.” 

…

Riza beamed, and even if her basking was short-lived, at least she had the memory and reassurance of his praise.  For now, she still needed to suffer under the weight of her actions, but Phelix was prepared for this.  He liked to believe he knew Riza inside and out, and could manipulate her as easily as a sculptor manipulated clay.

“It’s a love that will guarantee your heart will never be broken again,”  Phelix confirmed.  Phelix reached out and cupped her cheek, let her feel the comfort of touching.  He wondered, vaguely, if Riza engaged in sexual…pleasures.  Not from him (his body was far too wracked and weak for exertions, never mind his withered desires for anything other than the cause) but the argument over Dominic did make Phelix wonder if she had other lovers.  Dominic had given her physical intimacy, and then some.  He couldn’t let that intimacy happen again; if Riza craved it, then it would be dangerous to his plans for her.

Phelix listened, his face a mask of concern although he wanted to smile when Riza confessed her pleasure with torture.  If she’d been born in a different time, a century where the rebellion had more power, used more open brutality, he would’ve raised her to be vicious.  To indulge in her sadistic thrills.  But the rebellion was not so bold yet; this century,  Riza had to be a subtle serpent of Red Keep.

“It was a fleeting, but important feeling.  Both the thrill and the guilt, in fact,”  Phelix assured her.  “These feelings do not define you, even if they may change how you see yourself.  Because now, you understand a bit more of yourself.  Now you see parts of yourself that were hidden, perhaps never to be discovered.  Seeing parts of yourself - so raw, so violent in this case - can be uncomfortable at first…”  Phelix turned to look at them both, in Riza’s full-length mirror.  He watched her through the mirror.  

“…but in the end, isn’t it better to know who you really are - all parts of you - than live a life in denial?”

He shook his head, unable to answer her question.  “It’s not about getting easier, dear one.  I could argue that the fact it’s so difficult every time, is what makes you so human.”  He smiled at her.  “Life is precious for you, because your lives are so short.  Life is precious to elves for other reasons, but.  People kill every day, nonetheless. A soldier kills for his crown. A crown kills to punish a terrible person, and see justice for those who were damaged. It’s about duty, you see.  What is right.  What you are defending, or helping.  And sometimes, what is right, involves certain brutal actions that would normally be frowned upon.”

Phelix nodded, murmuring ‘good, good’, as Riza elaborated on Ainsley’s position.  He sipped his wine.  “I may visit her myself then.  I will tell her you informed me of this.  I understand she needs time away from you to reconcile this, but I don’t want that time to stretch out too long.  I’ll tell her you also suffer your own personal crisis - which isn’t far from the truth.”  He smiled, warmly.

“You’ve handled everything perfectly, Riza.  I couldn’t be more pleased.”

-

Riza had often over the years heard those words. The words that assured simply the love of magic would never cease to keep her heart intact. Though it was a love that wasn’t at all as satisfying as the love of people. Caring for others was often the one thing that she felt was missing. The one thing that helped her feel more human than anything else. She was from place where affection rang through in abundance, and she often felt that at times even a simple act of cupping her cheek, just as Phelix had done could make her feel human, connected. “You’ve told me that over the years, and I feel as though time and time again the statement holds true. Even when I begin to think maybe I could give love a try, let someone in, devastation to my heart like that of Dominic’s own doing never ceases to occur.” She had never truly been forthcoming to Phelix about her love life. Never being one to actively discuss it. Riza always imagined it would be odd to discuss such things with him, or even to fear that depending upon who she did love, they would either be useful or doomed for death. 

The mage felt relief by way of his assurances. She had been allowing the feelings to define her, to overtake her and leave her tortured in the wake of her actions. Riza nodded understanding that this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to see a different side of herself. That it could be good, it could be freeing to discover, even if it was terrifying. “I used to associate violence with negativity because that was how my father lost his life. The violence of the battlefield. My mother telling of his bravery, and I never felt that it was brave to violently lay down one’s life for the nobility to continue being as such. I suppose it became this warped sense of all violence was not necessary, so much so that seeing it and committing it terrified me. I’m so lucky to have you to confide in, to reassure me, and to tell me the truth whether it be something I want to hear or not.”

She knew he could have easily lied to her, told her that it would get easier to kill each time, but he didn’t. He told her the honest truth that it wouldn’t be easy. That it would be difficult, but it would be necessary and she had to look at it like as doing what’s right and what’s necessary. She had a sense of duty. “Thank you for always saying just what I need even when you may not know I need to hear it.” 

“Thank you for being there for her when I can’t right now, but I too hope that it’s not long until she and I are reunited. I know this is an important time for her and I want to be there for her.” She appreciated that Phelix would be there to support Ainsley during this time. To help reinforce what she did as a necessary means. 

His praise though was what caught her off guard. Handled everything perfectly. It had been a great contrast to the last time she’d had an assignment that she had failed. Hearing him say these words instead, she didn’t truly know how to take it. She smiled, almost in disbelief that he thought she’d done so well. “Thank you. I was definitely hoping for a different outcome than our last.” She was happy to have redeemed herself. 

-

Meeting of the minds were commonplace among rebellion ranks. Discussions surrounding strategy, logistics, and the political atmosphere were plentiful. Naturally, the request for a meeting from the mage struck Theodore as exactly that. A conversation surrounding their upcoming plans and those at play. Instead of his study, he opts to meet Riza at the stables of Glasswater Palace. He held little affection for things, but his loyal steed was among them. Once she came into his preview, he allows himself to be pulled into such an embrace. Riza always did carry herself with affection of her homeland. Not his cup of tea, but from her, it was less off-putting.

“Unofficial, you say?” Theodore can’t help but remark, curiosity riddling his expression. Their kinship was forged on their like-minded ideals. But Riza was always Phelix’s right hand woman. They were almost symbiotic. Yet she chooses him, prompting nothing but deepened curiosity. “A friend in me, you shall have.” He agrees, the brush against his hands combing through the mane of his horse. It was easy to ignore the isolation that came with the rebellion. They excused it as par for the course. But it was easy to forget that he was not alone in it. “Though, if you do not wish for Phelix to know of this… Then you must already know what he would say.” He asses thoughtfully.

-

Riza gave him an appreciative smile when he agreed that she’d have a friend in him. Though before she could even speak her dilemma, he’d spoken the words she’d often thought to herself. “That’s the problem. I’ve followed Phelix since I was a little girl. He’s been a mentor and he’s been family to me, but I fear that there may be things that even Phelix doesn’t understand. He’s lived a long time and I fear that he has no value in certain connections or the innate human need for them. So I know that he wouldn’t understand what I’m about to explain.” 

If she were being honest, Riza wasn’t even sure if Theo would understand. Or if she were just an island alone, though that was often how she felt. “Theo, in all the work that we do for the rebellion, in all the faces that we put on for others, do you...care for people? Or manage to have any genuine contact with those around you?” Riza didn’t know if she was making any sense, because she felt as though she wasn’t. “I find myself in a precarious situation in which, I care for someone who doesn’t know the real me. And because he doesn’t know the real me, we’ve struck up a friendship. He’s a dragon and he confided that he’s been tracking and killing rebels, with plans to continue on this mission. There will be no reasoning with him to stop, he’s resolute.” 

The mage heaved a sigh as she met Theo’s eyes. “Have you ever known what you should do, and yet there’s hesitation and what-ifs? Or have I somehow lost myself in the friendship based on a facade?” she wondered, knowing that she could very well have let this association weaken her resolve when the time had come to do what was right. She was so deep into the cause that she was rusty with genuine friendships and she didn’t want to lose what she had, but she also was at a juxtaposition where she wanted to keep Cai safe and away from all of this, but she also wanted what was best for the rebellion, but she was aware that there was no way to have both. 

-

“Old habits die hard, I’m afraid. You don’t mind it, do you?” He hesitates, if only for a moment. He understood Riza to be affectionate as the rest of them. But human life was tricky, as Cailean understood it. The recklessness of youth often disappeared as one grew older, more jaded. Not that he would do Riza the injustice. But he had to wonder if she’d grow tired of their flirtation, in favor of something true. “What a pity that I never fought for your honor. You would have been proud.” Displays of strength were commonplace among dragonkin. Though they never intentionally hurt one another, it was in good fun. Competitions of flight and strength, meant to woo the heart of one’s mate. And though Riza was not that, he always did think she’d enjoy it. “Tell me, has some dazzling man or woman captured your attention since?” He asks curiously, his head tilted in mild curiosity.

Riza was often curious. In fact, he believed she enjoyed his tales of bravery. Somehow, she appeared distraught by it. He dismisses it as her concern. The rebellion left many unhinged. “I appreciate it. Do not worry too much, Riza. It’s either I, or the rebellion. And I do not plan to meet my maker anytime soon.” The shift in topic seems top of Riza’s mind. He smirks, placing a tortured hand on his chest. “Do not look at me like that. I may abandon my gentlemanly ways.” Cailean chides playfully. Their affections in the bedroom long came to an end. In large part, to her changing focus and Cailean’s time at Theron Hall. “We have not spoken since the camps.” He informs her, waving his hand passively at her taunt. Taming the beast would imply she did it herself. When, in fact, it was his own doing. “As it stands, there is no princess and I.” It was his own doing. For all of his bravery, he could not seem to approach her in the same way. “Perhaps if I could speak better of it, I could handle it with better grace.”

-

“Of course I don’t mind. I would be a hypocrite if I said I mind because just as your charms still brings a flush to my cheeks, I’d be inclined to reply with my own playful charm just as I always have.” Riza doubted that she would ever change on that front. Her general flirty nature in a sense would always be intact. No matter how old she got. She could definitely imagine him fighting for her honor. “Proud would only be the start of it. Proud, enamored, and practically swooning had you ever fought for my honor. Curse my ability to be my own rescuer,” she joked. Though there was truth to it. Riza never had anyone fight for her honor because she had always done it herself. Though the image she was conjuring in her mind definitely pleasant. “You’re lucky I don’t go knock over a drink so you’ll have to defend my honor.” She was only joking she wouldn’t go disturb anyone in that manner. She smiled thoughtfully at his question. “Oh there’ve been quite a few that have captured my attention but only temporarily for short periods of time.” And even fewer that she could say she made any real connections with that had made a longstanding impression on her. 

“You better not meet your maker. That is not allowed to happen, long live Cai the sexy warrior,” she told him, hoping that she’d recovered from the momentary blunder of shock, sadness and worry that had filled her initially. “I cannot be held accountable for how I look at you with such tales of bravery being told, but I do know that it’s because you’re a gentleman, that you won’t abandon those ways. But I’ll always have my memories of those not so gentle ways of yours,” she said with a wink. She most definitely wouldn’t forget those particular memories. 

The mage had requested to meet with Theo, unofficially, rather than on official rebel business. She knew that he must have his hands full at Glasswater, so she traveled to him. When she arrived, she greeted him with a smile and a warm embrace. The affection of her Red Keep upbringing always showing itself with hugs in abundance for those she considered friends. “Thanks for seeing me. I feel as though our assignments often keep us far too busy sometimes to simply socialize. But that’s what this visit is...unofficial, nothing we need to speak with Phelix about. I simply need a friend to talk some things out with.” She wanted to make that known that Phelix didn’t have to know about this conversation. In fact she hoped that he would never hear that she had gone to Theodore first rather than him with her uncertainties about the correct path to take. @theodorestoneward​

-

“Second only to you, gorgeous.” Cailean reminds her smoothly, touching her hand from across the table and pressing a gentle kiss on her smooth skin. It stood to reason that his features changed slowly. His lifetime was beyond Riza’s. But even after two decades, she still dazzled with youthful energy and beauty. “Arguably, you look fairer now than before.” Cailean is tempted to comment on the slight change in her appearance. True to his words, she appeared every bit as beautiful as before. But there was an aura to her, one plagued with an unsettling feeling that he could not pinpoint. Dragonkin were intuitive by nature, but he passes it off as the hardship of recent events. It was no easy feat, after all.

“And those who have not are at a disadvantage. The privilege of knowing you makes shithead soldiers like me a better man.” He often marveled at how his relationships improved his skill. The more he fought for, the better he became. Frankly, it were as if he was at the height of his strength. His recent bond with Nymeria pushed him and allowed the flyer to achieve great heights. His debonair smile softens, her touch a startling but welcome action. He never took to the mage as a fearful sort. But he sympathizes with her concerns, placing his own hand atop hers. “Many have tried, all have failed.” Cailean reminds her. “For eight hundred years, I have trained tirelessly for this. An opportunity to bring honor to my kind and my family. I will not rest until I put an end to the rebellion. I’d sooner perish.” His typical, light-hearted demeanor is hardened by his words. He held this principle true to himself. “I eliminated at least twenty. It will not stop there. Nymeria and I will have to decide on where to next, but our efforts will continue.”

-

Riza felt her cheeks heat at his charm. “You most certainly haven’t lost any of that charm. Still managing to make me blush just as much as I had in my youth.” It felt good to smile, to laugh. To take a moment outside of her more depressing thoughts and enjoy friendly banter with a man that she always enjoyed catching up with and pretending to be normal with. That was until the conversation had made its shift into things that once again caused her conflict and plagued her and questioned where her allegiances would lay. 

“Knowing a soldier like you, strong, brave, determined, has often made me draw upon my own strength and courage over the years.” Knowing Cai had made her better at keeping secrets from Phelix. Secrets of a friendship with a dragon. It had also strengthened her resolve to keep some things in her life separate from The Rebellion and her mentor. Though now, with his words, she would have to intermingle the three - Cai, the rebellion and Phelix. She would have to tell him. There were days the man could read her like a book and she knew that hiding this big thing from him would be difficult, if not impossible. 

The mage took his hand atop hers into her hold, dropping it from his cheek and giving his hand a squeeze. “I don’t wish for you to perish, so I wish for your success on your mission to end the rebellion. If ever you need me, not that I’d be much help in a battle, just let me know what I can do for you.” Riza needed to change the subject, even though part of her, the part that often manipulated people wanted to ask more questions, find out as much as she could. Though she wouldn’t. She wanted to be able to give Phelix as little information as possible. “I can’t say that I’m a fan of violence, but hearing you speak of your bravery, does make me quite flustered.” She let her hand fall from his. “How is the Princess? Dare I say she’s the luckiest woman in all the lands to tame the beast,” she teased. 

…

“That’s it!” He snapped his fingers. “That’s the one I was thinking about,” looking as proudly at Riza as if there were some kind of prize for catching hold of the right word. His grin faltered a bit knowing that she laughed most with him. He didn’t know whether to feel flattered or bad for Riza. “Ah no matter.  I’d like to see a real giggle Riz, let go and enjoy yourself a bit. And if you’re weepy it won’t be the first time. I’m a magnet for the shadowy sorrow-filled troubled soul. It’s like they know I’m just a big softie inside.” Oggy felt that part was true,  when he wasn’t robbing a few of them of course.  

“Hah, ‘spose there’s no helping with the smoke then. Me it just smells like the old family cat I had as a kid. Not any of the gross bits, just when he’d curl up close. So I ‘spose it just smells like home.” He offered that nostalgic bit of information unprompted. Winking at her accidental innuendo. “You know me love, I’m never one to deny opportunity, when offered. But as always, I will be the perfect gentlemen tonight. Jokes aside and all that.”  He angled the pipe, letting it catch and char and bubble on Riza’s flame.

“Just one more second,” he pulled a few puffs of smoke from the pipe, bringing up the thin edge of some dagger he set about his person and topping up the herb and getting Riza to light it anew. “Phew yes, that’s the stuff, now go slow and steady don’t rush yourself. ” Clearly a practiced hand, as the smoke billowed around him and he handed it off to Riza. “Oh trust me, he didn’t deserve to have it. Was trying to unload it on some poor sap claiming it was carved of dragonbone. Which, first off, bad luck to have one of those, isn’t it? Second, no way this is anything like that, probably big fish bone or summit. You know the things, whales I think they’re called.”

-

Riza grinned, having to agree with him. “You are a softie, but it’s a very endearing quality. Quite comforting honestly. Means I can let go, be giggly or even be weepy and you’re not going to run away at the first sign of tears.” Riza tried to think of one friend she had that would be completely and fully accepting as Oggy was, and she knew that she didn’t have one, or at least not one that she though could deal with the real her. 

“Now you’ve got me hoping for some nostalgic smell of my own.” She watched him, making the act look easy, as he directed her to go slow. Riza nodded, she definitely had no plans to rush something she had never done before. When he handed it over to her, she felt oddly nervous. It was probably a misplaced emotion but the unknown could cause nerves. “Okay, here we go.” She slowly and cautiously took a drag from the pipe. Exhaling slowly. A light cough left her for just a second. “I was attempting to avoid the cough,” she said her cheeks flushed at the action, before trying once more time, trying to avoid the cough and mimic Oggy’s finesse. 

She actually let out a momentary chuckle at the smell of the smoke. “It smells like...the clearing my father and I used to visit to practice my magic. The patches of grass that I used to singe. I haven’t thought of that of him in a very long time.” She handed the pipe back over to Oggy. Riza shook her head, in disbelief that someone would actually want to carry around something made of dragon bones. “Who would want that target on their back? Carrying around something made of dragon bone and boasting about it...and not really knowing if you’re attempting to sell it to dragon kin...You’re right he didn’t deserve it.” 

As minutes passed, Riza had started to ease into relaxation.  “In hindsight, I should have probably asked what it’s supposed to feel like,” she asked with another chuckle. 

…

“I see this Riza.  And she is a stronger woman and better mage,”  Phelix told her, but he didn’t try to lavish Riza with praise or convince her that she was doing something incredible.  It was what it was.  If they were going to discuss it coldly, then Phelix wasn’t going to try and inject it with anything grander - that thought would have to come from herself, not him.  

So he asked,  “Did any part of your action give you a satisfaction?  Tell me - we should speak plainly about this.  I know that what you did is not part of your common repertoire.  I would not have asked it of you, if I didn’t think it had to be you, Riza.  But such acts of violence are never uncomplicated, not for people who are intelligent.  Did you only feel revulsion?  Or was there…relief as well?  or perhaps some other feeling?”

It was a good time to commiserate; humans understood each other better by sharing in emotional morass, so Phelix volunteered,  “I…still remember the first person who’s life I took.  This was over a millennia ago, and I did it for the cause.  But I remember it clearly.” This was a lie.  The first person he killed had been a Milrothar, but telling her he killed a family member served no purpose.  It was better to say it was for the cause.

“Well, we start with a foundation, as always.  How does Ainsley feel towards you?”  Phelix asked.  “She was the root of all this, after all.  Perhaps your own thoughts can be informed by her feelings and reactions.   I know she isn’t angry, or you’d be sitting in the East Reach dungeon right now.  She must feel supported and loved; she’s suffered alone for fourteen years, while the world turned its back on her - her family, her friends, you and me.  What we will witness now, it a new sort of flower blooming.  We have an opportunity to tend that flower, encourage its growth.  This is all thanks to your action, Riza.”

-

His words brought a smile to her face. A stronger woman and a better mage. That had been what she was striving for all along. Every day she had hoped to be stronger than she was the day previous and she’d often hoped to be the best mage she could be. That had been after all what she devoted her life to. She looked up at him, her smile brightening even more. “Both things that I strive for ever day. I want to be the best mage I can possibly be. Actually better than the best. I want to accomplish things my mind couldn’t possibly conjure and I want to always be strong. That moment of weakness, when I questioned you, when I let matters of the heart outweigh anything else...” She shook her head. “The only love that matters is my love of magic and for you of course, but that goes without saying.” That’s the woman she wanted to be, the one that she’d hoped to become one of strength and mastery of her skills. 

Riza had been attempting to keep her thoughts, feelings and memory of what she had done in East Reach at bay, but as Phelix stood, asking. She wouldn’t lie about the scariest parts of the entire ordeal. “I went into it with a clear plan. I was going to simply smother him as not to raise suspicion or further investigation. But when I started...I wanted to torture him. I...there was delight. It was almost as though something overtook me and I couldn’t stop the torture.” She wasn’t so sure how much she should say, but she never hid anything from Phelix before. Every thought, every feeling she always relayed because she felt that Phelix was her family. He was someone that she could always look to for guidance or as an ear to listen to. “At first, I thought that the emotion I was overcome with was revulsion for what I had done, but I don’t know what it was that I felt when I was done. Guilt for ending a life maybe? I was so overcome with...something that it caused me to sob. But I don’t know how I felt I don’t even really know how I feel. There’s so much going through me after the act that I have no answers.” 

When he shared his first life taken, she felt as though there were a kinship between them. “Does this ever get easier? Taking a life? Or is it like this all encompassing and overwhelming feeling every time?” she wondered. 

“I believe that Ainsley feels love. When I spoke with her I told her that the taxing act that I committed was more so out of love. I drew conjecture that those around her simply turned a blind eye where as the moment I learned of the harm that the late Duke had done, I took action instead.” When he put it that way, it made Riza smile. She was happy to have freed Ainsley. To awaken something in here that had long lay dormant. “I’m happy that something as heinous as murder could have the result of beauty. Ainsley deserves to live rather than simply exist.”