ABSOLUTION

mild panic.

“you’re feeling adventurous today, aren’t you?”

Hanbyeol stops when he hears her voice, and almost immediately turns around to look at the woman whose voice is way too familiar for him not to recognize as soon as he heard her. He’s known Li’er for a long time now, and despite the nervousness he felt when they first met at her spawn point, he has grown to be lowkey fond of her and her company. Not that he’d ever admit it, though.

But still, he smiles when he finally looks at her. “Adventurous,” he repeats in the form of another question, tilting his head and looking at her with a face that clearly expresses confusion. He isn’t sure what she’s talking about until she speaks to him again.

“Your hat,” she points at his head. “You’re not wearing it today.”

And that’s when he feels his chest tight, eyes wide open as he looks at her and brings his hands up to touch his head, expecting to feel any type of fabric but all he touches is his own hair, soft and smooth under his palms. Some would say not wearing a hat is not something big enough to make a person panic, but it was more than enough to send Hanbyeol into a state of paranoia that might be viewed as exhaggeration; but it’s only irrational fear.

“Oh no,” he says with a quiet whine, hands starting to shake. “I can’t believe it, I’m so stupid!”

she doesn’t know all there is to know about her neighbour, but she knows enough. can recognise the way he hates being recognised, the fear when someone pokes a little too deep around him. she’s got her demons; she won’t begrudge him his. even if she still doesn’t know his name and other details that usually comes with being neighbours. nevertheless, li’er’s still privy to his daily minutiae after seeing him sporadically around for the past decade and more years — she registers the difference in appearance before she realises exactly what’s missing.

it’s not meant to be anything, just a playful jab at his deviation from the norm, but the other man reacts with far more distress than she’s expected. “hey,” the mirth in her voice turns to worry, hands reaching out to steady his. she’s learnt to back off from getting too personal with him, but li’er reacts on instinct and routine with someone clearly in need of help.

there are remnants of her life that she still can’t kick in the programme. insomnia is one of them; li’er is far too used to staying up well past a healthy time, obsessively working. in the afterlife, there’s no need for that particular bad habit, but there’s also no need for actual sleep — so she finds herself giving in to the circadian rhythms that came pre-progammed into her avatar. it’s not unusual for her to be wandering around late at night, anyway; there are familiar faces, night owls taking advantage of a body that never tires.

it’s been years, but part of her still wonders at how real the afterlife feels. there’s a slight breeze against her cheek, soft and smooth, pavements cracked in just the right places to make it feel believeable. it’s late enough that the moon is bright against midnight, li’er wandering around without needing to worry too much about the people around her. there shouldn’t really be anyone around who’d need help, though she likes taking these walks just in case she could be helpful. if anything, at least she’ll be awake and around.

there’s the sound of a few PCDs beeping all at the same time, her’s included. li’er is, as always, on top of it, activating the device to find the message — but there isn’t really one to read. at first glance, the characters are jumbled and missing strokes. what she can make out, she doesn’t like. someone around her sucks in a breath audible enough for her to hear, but when she turns her head to look, the message blinks out, deleted. if the ominously worded and encrypted message she’d received hadn’t been obvious enough that something’s wrong, their response definitely makes it so.

timeline (tw: suicide, self-harm)

LIFE: relatively normal childhood, went the usual path to becoming a lawyer & initially did a lot of social justice & pro-bono work before becoming a procurator somewhere in her early 30s

recklessly procurating against the wealthy & corrupt, which got her attention from the public & the powerful -- thus leading in to those in power connecting with her

her career rises quickly: she loses sight of her initial goal to enforce an impartial law, deciding instead to choose her battles and allowing some people to get away from their crimes, in order to have a stronger position

but yknow,, she gets too comfortable ignoring her moral compass and justifying her actions, and eventually comes to a point where she’s part of the problem itself. 

she chooses to document what’s going on as evidence of the fallibility of the justice system & also outs herself as corrupt before her suicide so that the evidence will be credible

AFTERLIFE: she doesn’t expect to wake up in the afterlife & considering the screening + soon to be revealed evidence, she kind of just expects herself to be deleted soon? BUT she isn’t

the fact that she’s still here is p indicative that what she tried to do w her death failed, which puts her in a self-destructive spiral out of guilt & anger. actively seeks out punishment, which opens her up to the more violent side of the afterlife

ok this is just my conjecture but i’m assuming that bc pain isn’t lasting, there are people who would take that feature of the afterlife to the extremes and this was the side of afterlife that she was in?? tho if that’s taking too many liberties w the rp’s lore admins pls lmk!!

but when someone she’d wronged in her past pops up in the afterlife -- she decides to protect/help them where she can

this protection just kind of ?? spreads?? the more good she does, the more good she sees in people & the more she’s motivated to do even better, to be kinder and more selfless than she’d been able to when she was alive

tbh her life turned into a bit of a lonely & difficult path situation so part of her afterlife is also learning to make healthier & more wholesome relationships

she’s getting her mojo back!! she’s still a bit cranky sometimes but she’s relearning to be recklessly kind :)

connections (feel free to mix & match)

(from china, died after she did) someone she made use of and justified it as ‘for the greater good’ (details are open to be plotted!), and the key motivation for her actions in the afterlife now, as they are the one person she won’t hesitate to help. current dynamics are open to be plotted!

(in afterlife earlier than ‘43) the person who took her out of her spawn point when she was sitting there waiting to be deleted. current dynamics open to be plotted too!

people who were around for her self-destructive spiral, could have either encouraged it/taken part in it, or tried to stop it

someone who genuinely looks up to her & thinks of li’er as a ‘protector’, but she feels disingenuous bc they don’t know her past

someone who’s become a bit reliant on her maybe?

someone who thinks her attempt at atonement is futile?? constantly trying to trip her up or prove her wrong

i want a dynamic like this please :(

unchildhood:

ANNE CARSON

‘The Glass Essay’ from Glass, Irony, and God (1994);