bass of the sea

But! I’m never really on here and I don’t keep up with the latest standom nonsense anymore. I’m sorry! Please enjoy (or “enjoy”) this blog as an archive.

Big love,

Thank you!! Also hmm (tbqh I haven’t been following things on the seabass side so take my thoughts with a larger grain of salt than usual and feel free to follow up w more context) ... are they really spending every day together or are we just inferring that?

I’m actually going to answer this because I see you absolutely twisting yourself into knots over this and I’ve been told much of the fandom is in a similar state. Let me get real real with you here. I really say this, from the bottom of my heart, with love.

There is no madness to stop (other than the madness of wealth and privilege and I can assure you that ain’t gonna change by “our” efforts). All of the people involved are adult humans with careers, relationships, all the associated responsibilities of life. They have the best health care and therapy money can buy. They have teams and families and support networks that many of us could only dream of.

There is no “real” Sebastian Stan for us. The sooner everyone accepts that we do not know that man, the better.

(I’m giving that its own paragraph because it’s the most important thing I’m saying. If you don’t hear anything else I say, take this one home with you.)

Since we are not able to know him as a real human, we create narratives based on his actions. The absence of coherence between your narrative of him and his actions is what’s hurting you right now. And I don’t say that to diminish the hurt. The hurt is real. I’ve felt it and I deeply regret that you’re feeling it.

Let’s say Seb dumps Ale tomorrow, flies back to NY after filming, never again travels during a global pandemic. How does that erase his actions for you? How does that change the fact that he is a person who does those things, which we can safely assert, because he did those things.

I feel like some people want there to be some dramatic reason that he would act this way. Like the shadowy forces of the agency, “PR”, whatever. Would it comfort you for him to be doing all of this because some mysterious PR person told him to? It does the opposite for me, that a man with so much privilege and freedom would go against his own morals because someone told him to. (Ditto the “Ale is changing him” idea, which also has deeply problematic layers of misogyny and “evil seductress” vibes that frankly are beneath all of us to buy into.)

I need y’all to accept, for your own sakes, the basic premise that: Sebastian is doing what he’s doing because he wants to and/or he doesn’t not want to.

How can I make this clearer? His actions matter. They fucking matter! The way we move through the world matters. I’m not saying he’s evil, but he is a person who made choices. He can’t go back to the old Sebastian because that person never existed except in our fantasies (this is a loaded word choice but I stand by it). He has always, fundamentally, been the same person, and no matter what he does in the future he will continue to be the person who did these things. His actions can’t be erased. They can certainly be forgiven, if that would make you feel better, but it won’t matter to him.

I feel like you also think he owes the fandom something when it comes to his personal life and behaviours. He does not. He never has.

I really really hope for your sake that you are able to come to accept the marbles where they are. There is no swooping avenger coming to save us from Seb being Seb. If those marbles are tripping you up this much, I really think you need to reevaluate this fandom’s presence in your life and the energy (and the type of energy, positive or negative) you’re devoting to it. Then allow yourself to sweep those marbles out the door and move on. Not right away. Give yourself the time and space to grieve this. Even if Seb isn’t, the emotions are real. I have to say again, I was there. I wish I could sit with you as you experience them. I wish I could make you a cup of tea.

I know things are hard right now and it’s difficult to imagine filling the void where this fandom was. I can tell you from personal experience that you will find something to fill that void. You’ll be able to look back on this with fondness, maybe some nostalgia, a wry chuckle. You will find something else that brings you joy. You will bring these lessons into your new fandom and you will be wiser and stronger for it. You will feel that rush of love and excitement and creative energy for something new. It feels fucking amazing. Be strong enough to go after it.

Big luv,