Let not light see my black and deep desires.

@reapwhathesows

My name is Julian. That's all you need to know.

87 posts

I don’t think I’m strong enough to carry you if I’m being honest.

Well then, I guess we're walking to the train, Sally.

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Yeah, sure.

[extends her hand after she gets up from her seat] Are you going to be alright with walking up the stairs or do I have to figure out how to carry you?

...Now that's an idea! Being carried sounds amazing right now.

Sure, what did you need?

I'm just a bit...[mumbles] ... Can you walk me to the train?

Past Vol. 1 | Self

Staring at the fluorescent light above him, Julian played his favorite game. It had no name, or at least he hadn't found a proper name for it yet, but the game consisted of two actions: staring at the laboratory lights on the ceiling until he thought his eyes were going to melt from their sockets, and then watching the colored imprints they left when he looked at the blank walls beside him. It was a simple game and one even an intelligent mind like Julian's would grow tired of, but he had nothing else to do while being strapped to metal operating table for hours on end. When the pain was too much, little white and black dots joined the colors but the darkness was never given permission to take over.

A shadow blocked his view of the lights and Julian held a blank expression, looking past the person like a lifeless doll. If he let his eyes focus, he'd find himself looking into a pair of pensive brown eyes that looked just like his and a deep rage would creep into his own expression. Better to be a stone than to feel. "Are you tired?" The question was not posed out of concern, but out of necessity. If Julian started to doze off or his heart rate began to drop, one of the doctors would inject him with b12 to wake him up and bring up his blood pressure.

"No, doctor." he intoned, reciting the lines he practiced daily. Always "No, doctor" and "Yes, doctor" and rarely deviating from the script when all he wanted to do was ask his parents why they hated him. But punishments were doled out generously when he referred to the doctors as mother and father, so he held those questions and resentments in the only place safe from their prying fingers and sharp instruments- his mind.

Yet another needle sunk into his skin. Julian reacted to the pain with an involuntary twitch before feeling his body relax. This was a body used to torture. A needle was nothing. Some days, when he was too mentally fatigued to pretend that everything was normal, Julian would imagine escaping the lab. Ripping off the cuffs that held him to the table, he'd grab anything he could and murder his parents, stabbing them over and over until more of their blood was on him and the floor than in their own bodies.Then he'd run and run until his legs burned and he vomited. Julian never got past the running portion of his escape fantasy. Partially due to the fact that he didn't know what was past the city limits, but mostly because he couldn't convince himself that he ever truly break free.

I guess it’ll help me in my later years.

Besides you don’t look that much older than I am if we’re going to go there.

I'll take that as a compliment. [Downs the rest of his beer and stretches] Mind doing me a favor?

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[mumbles] And to think we were having a moment.

I’m eighteen, but hey you’re on the right track.

Well, I'm sorry but you look like a kid. It's not my fault. Blame your eyes and little round face.

I think it’s safe to say there aren’t many of us left who haven’t experienced loss of some kind.

If they tell you they haven’t they’re lying or playing on their ignorance to what’s going on around them.

You're pretty wise for a twelve year old.

I— I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to pry. That’s awful..

I know. The gov- bad people do horrible things. It's just a part of life.

[Has a brief exchange with the server before receiving another pint of lager] Everyone's at risk to lose someone special in times like these. [Sips a bit of his drink and sighs] I'm sure you have already or you will soon.

I was supposed to meet someone but they never showed.

How about you, got any ladies in waiting?

Believe it or not, it's pretty hard to be interested in other people when your girlfriend dies... So no.

Not necessarily- or well not in the books I’ve read.

It happens. [Pauses, looking past her at the rest of the bar.] ...You come with anyone?

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What a line.

I guess you have that going for you- mysterious guy in the corner of the room drinking by himself. Right out of some old timey novel.

You're clearly too young to know anything about those kinds of books. [Motions for the server to send another drink his way] Doesn't the too curious little girl die by the end?

I’ll take that as a compliment because my eyes are my best feature.

How come you’re over here by yourself?

[Downs the rest of his drink] Because I like being by myself. I'm my best company.

I’m sorry I- I thought you were someone else..

[Gives a drunk wave] Yeah, yeah, all is forgiven. Move along, Big Eyes. [Takes a swig of his drink and sighs]

After Ashes | Raelyn & Open

Raelyn recognized the voice, but just as she was about to say something, she watched his figure pass by. His hand was absolutely on his hip, and that only meant one thing to her. Julian’s words and actions were contradictory. The thought that he was just being cautious in case he was attacked first crossed her mind, but not enough to stick. She had a knife, he had what looked like could be a knife as well. He was taller than her and she had never gotten full extension and strength in her arm. No matter what, she’d be the underdog — Unless he truly was coming in peace. She’d left the Carnies suddenly and without talking to anyone after agents started showing up more and more.

The knife was still tight in her grip by her side as she used the wall to stand up slowly, barely making a sound. “Julian?” Raelyn’s brow furrowed once she more clearly saw his face and she was sure it was him. Surely he’d recognize her. At the very least, saying his name would help her case if he didn’t remember.

Just as he was about to walk down one of the store's aisles, Julian heard his name. He became very still, the only movement being his fingers gripping the handle of his knife. The disembodied voice belonged to someone who knew his name and that was always a dangerous thing. Ever so slowly, Julian peered over his shoulder, fully prepared to spin around and throw his knife at without a moment's hesitation. Lit from behind by the natural light pouring through the store windows, Julian could only make out a few features from the thin shadow standing behind him. Red hair, looking as if it had been set ablaze by the sunlight. Guarded eyes, watching him carefully.

Raelyn.

She stayed with the Carnies for a brief moment before disappearing without a word. Before her unexpected departure, Julian started to question the possibility of the girl being trait positive but never got a chance to explore the validity of these claims before she vanished. He didn't know her very well but he knew enough about human beings in general to see that if he were to get any further with his agenda he'd have to go with the "long time, no see!", old buddy routine. If that didn't work, he could always just wound her and drag her body back for Caine to process but that wouldn't be as fun. "Rae!" he laughed, quickly putting away his weapon and allowing his posture to be come more relaxed. "How have you been? I haven't seen you since...I can't even remember." He took a step forward keeping his eyes on the young woman. "Do you, uh, live here now?"

cainesykes-deactivated20160516

Never, but it was worth a shot.

...Why are you still here? [Waves him off] Go. Do your job or I'll shoot you and get a real dog.

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cainesykes-deactivated20160516

What’s left of them. [mumbles a bit but smirks in his direction] Do you have any idea where they are or is that part of the game?

Silly Caine, when do I ever make it easy for you?

donaghan-deactivated20150403

Oh come on it was kind of funny!

Trying to figure out who is taking all the fruit. No not really.

Let' go in town then. Get some food. Scare the locals.

Let not light see my black and deep desires. @reapwhathesows - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook