-w-

I finished reading the Higurashi visual novel a few months ago after spending 12 years exploring this story in its various forms. Yippee!

I first discovered Higurashi on July 25th, 2013. I was working on this specific drawing while listening to a "sad anime music" playlist because I was sad lol my caption is lying to you.

But "Dear You" came up on the playlist with an image of Rika and Hanyuu, and immediately I was so captivated by how nostalgic, comforting, haunting, and peaceful the song was. I probably played it 5 times over before I looked up what it was from, and after learning that Higurashi was partly a horror, I dove right in.

During my first watch of the anime, I was entirely there for the blood and guts. I kind of didn't care as much about the slice of life or the "pivot" to the drama in the latter half of the series. Still though, I loved it all dearly, and when I heard about Higurashi's """"""remake""""" in 2020, I decided to give the original anime a rewatch.

It was then that I got recommended Bess's videos on the story, and in tandem with reading the manga for the first time, my entire perspective forcefully shifted. As an edgy 15 year old, I had been missing so much of what truly made Higurashi great. But at 22 in a difficult and confusing time in my life, it was such a radically necessary piece of art to rediscover, and quickly became one of my favorites.

I actually started reading the visual novel all the way back then, but it was so dense and lengthy compared to the pacing of the story I was used to that it took me another 5 years to finally finish reading it all. But man, am I glad I did.

This story is about so so so so so many things. It's an introspection on war, tradition, religion, generational divides, child abuse, forgiveness, shame, community, healing, grief. It's about the worst things we can do to each other and how to move forward afterwards. It's about the impossible decision to love when it's so much easier to fear. And although its setting is so specifically tied to the culture of Japan in the generation following World War II, its messages and observations were just as relevant in the early 2000s when Ryukishi wrote it, and even more relevant another 20 years later.

This is a series that to me will last forever. I'll be thinking about it for the rest of my life, constantly returning to it to see what new insights it has to offer. It challenged me, made me sick to my stomach, sent me into spirals of grief, made me roll my eyes, and irrevocably changed me for the better. Though it's certainly not without its flaws, Higurashi is and likely always will be one of my favorite pieces of art.

I'm currently showing the anime to two of my friends, pausing frequently to tell them about all the little details that enrich this story that were lost in translation. Though they're certainly not as enraptured as I am, being able to share something I love so dearly with people I adore is a wonderful new way to experience the series. Truly the Child Murder Anime is the gift that keeps on giving.

As I was finishing up the visual novel, I knew I wanted to draw something for the occasion, and of course the last scene stuck with me as the subject. It was initially a bit odd to see the story wrapped up through Hanyuu's perspective as we've largely followed Rika through the latter half, but ultimately, this moment is both the culmination of Hanyuu's arc and one of the most important themes.

The story can't truly end until Hanyuu forgives herself. I'll avoid doing a whole character analysis here, but I think she's such a fascinating and understated part of the cast. While every other character fights tooth and nail for their place in the world, Hanyuu has so many ingrained reasons for believing that she doesn't deserve to live. And the true miracle of the story is that after 1000 years of wallowing in all the ways her presence has made things worse, she's told it doesn't matter. She still has a place here, she's still wanted.