In spite of how it looked or sounded to the outside world (including Benjamin, lingering behind the door), Isabelle was thoroughly enjoying herself and this moment with Killian. He mightâve threatened her life and that of those she loved on more than one occasion but when it came time to end it (or theirs), he didnât. That showed true restraint and in its own twisted, fucked up way, it showed love. Killian loved her. Despite his better judgment and despite how scary that four-letter word was to say. He loved her. Through thick and thin. Before and after⌠he loved her. And for Izzy, that was enough. In fact, it was more than sheâs ever gotten from anyone else.Â
âYoursââ Izzy breathed, between battered moans and broken breaths. Her ass was a blistering shade of red now, and it stung. But, at the same time â it felt kinda nice? Like embracing a cold breeze along the gulf of Mexico, where Killian promised to take Isabelle as soon as the reapers were under control. Which wouldnât be for a little while. Or so, she assumed. âDonâtââ stop, she planned to say. But, her voice got caught in her throat as Killian snaked an arm around her midsection and then cradled her neck and jaw in his other palm. It looked like he was holding her hostage against his chest but in reality, Izzy obeyed the direction he lifted her body into. Her back was now pressed snugly against his sweaty chest, meanwhile the front of her hovered above his desk and his stack of papers. Just to hold some of her own weight, Izzy had to spread her legs again and in doing so, she gave Killian more access to fuck her from behind as he held her neck in a chokehold and talked in harsh whispers against the shell of her ear.Â
Though, she couldnât see him with her own two eyes, Izzy could hear the faint sounds of Killian rustling around in his pockets. The hand he had draped over her stomach had fell away so he could retrieve a knife from the hidden compartment of his red blazer. This wasnât the first time, Killian had ever held a knife to her throat. Knife play was a common go to on their long lists of kinks. âAlways.â Intrigued by the preface of Killianâs confession, Izzy encouraged him to keep going as she wrapped an arm around the back of his neck and her head, just in order to keep his mouth so close to her ear. The way his breath tickled the shell of it, caused Izzy to tremble and shake. With delight, not necessarily fright. Killian was in a much better mood, now that one hunger was being properly sated.Â
Or so she thought⌠because as he continued talking, his thrusting had slowed to a desperate minimum. (Meaning, she was desperate for more â not him) Killian was too busy trying to get his point across as the knifeâs jagged edge gently grazed the side of Izzyâs neck. Like a deer caught in headlights, Izzy froze â offering up no sudden movements until it felt safe enough to do so.Â
âUgh!â Following her gruff sigh, Izzy felt her body being forced to turn around so she could look up into the eyes of her King head on, as he finished punctuating his heavy-lidded thoughts. A lot seemed to be on his mind, she noticed, as she reached up to cup the right side of his cheek while he talked, and had even dragged the knife down the center of her chest, between her breasts, which were still half-hidden behind her lopsided dress. Izzy was beginning to feel stuffy in it and was glad when Killian decided to cut the straps off so her chest could be free.Â
She made no attempt to hide it afterwards, knowing heâs seen it all before. âWhat?â All Izzy heard was the words âbloodâ and âbondâ in the same sentence and knowing Killian, and his thirst for red, Izzy felt her stomach drop and her shoulders tense up. She learned not to fear too much anymore, having seen it all. But, there were still some instances when Killian said or did something that ignited Izzyâs flight or fight response. He scared her. And yet, he turned her out at the same time. It was very confusing. âIâve heard of rituals where friends or loved ones cut themselves and merge the blood, if thatâs what you mean.â Little did she know, his version of it was a lot more extensive. It wasnât as quick or swift as it sounded at slumber parties or outside of campfires.Â
On the contrary⌠the way Killian described it.. was a lot more in depth. As expected, of course. Killian wasnât a surface-minded person. He lived in the trenches of his own traumas and experiences. He believed in acting fully rather than half-assed. Which is probably why he was so successful. âKill,â â Izzy reserved the shortness of his name in rare moments, such as these. When topics or actions became too heavy and she needed him to slow things down a bit. He was talking about drawing her blood, drinking it, and then.. consuming parts of her soul? It was a lot to handle. But, what scared her most was the vulnerability that came with it. Izzy didnât keep a lot from Killian, except her heart and her traumatic experiences with her mother. She talked about them to him, of course. He knew the story but, this was different⌠it wouldnât just be words or stories anymore, heâd get to feel the memories of her past for himself and she would feel his. Izzy wouldnât wish her pain or Killianâs on anyone. Theyâve been through hell and back. Could they really take it on again?
 âOkay⌠Tell me what happens though, if I say no?â She wasnât technically saying no. She was just curious of what heâd say or how heâd feel if she did. Because it was asking a lot. He was practically proposing they stitch themselves to each other for all eternity. âAnd how will we know if it works? What exactly are you asking me to do?â She needed him to explain it further, make her understand so she could decide whether or not it was the right thing for them. At least, in her eyes. She loved him. Despite her better judgment, she was in love with him. Which is partly why, she was scared. Paloma was her burden to carry, not his. She was her scars, her past, her demons to fight. Killian had enough of those on a daily basis.Â
Killian could feel Isabelleâs reluctance after he mentioned the idea of a blood bond (a primitive ritual to bind souls. Itâs how it worked for twins whoâve shared a womb, and parents who could feel when their child is in danger or worseâdead). It may have sounded crazy to the average person, but in war it was a gesture of love. A way for two people to connect, both spiritually and mentally.
However Isabelle didnât seem too convinced, as Killian rolled her over before cutting her dress off with a twelve-inch knife. Like prey under the jaws of its predator, he could feel her panicking, as if silently begging him for her life.Â
âIf you say no, then we donât do it. The choice is yours, mi reina. With me, youâll always have what others do not. My mercy, my understandingâŚâ â and my love. Killian wanted to tell her how much he loved her, but he couldnât. Heâs only ever said those words to one person before, and they betrayed him. His mother. They were playing a game of hide-and-go-seek around the Steele Manor, and when Killian couldnât find her he started to cry. She came out of hiding then and promised him sheâd never leave. In that moment, he felt safe and put his arms around her. He told her he loved her. But she lied to him. Because she did leave. It was like he never mattered. She only cared for a little while, until she got bored and moved onto other things, like parties at The House and men who werenât Augustus. Abandonment issues were a bitch, but if Isabelle chose to leave him, heâd let her go. Because nothing hurts more than thinking someone loves you right before they disappear.
âI donât know⌠Iâve never done this before, clearly. But I know itâs popular with the Lycans. You see, theyâre big on family and connection. Two things, I donât have. I just thought that maybe, maybe if you wanted to be, we could, be family?â Killianâs heart was racing, and he hated Isabelle for making him feel this way. He didnât like this feeling of panic. It made him feel vulnerable and âsick? Like he wanted to throw up or something. Nerves, maybe? It was overwhelming because for years, he hasnât felt anything but numbness. Killian enjoyed that feeling, it made him feel free and invincible.Â
âWhen I was younger, I remember asking my mother if I was safe, and if my father loved me. I remember her smiling at me, but not answering. She knew I wasnât safe, reina. She knew he didnât love me and yet she still left me there with him. A few months after she was gone, I developed this voice in the back of my head. I think it was just a way for me not to feel so alone? Like an imaginary friend or something. The thing is, I know Iâm fucked up. But you make me feel âless fucked up? The blood bond is a way for us to come together in a real way. To break through the trauma and scar tissue and reach otherâs hearts.â Isnât that what she wanted? Something real and tangible.Â
Being out of Isabelle for as long as he had, Killian was starting to soften. And if they werenât going to do this, they could at least finish fucking. After all, it was his birthday and so far, this was the best part of it. âIf you decide to do the blood bond, take the knife and cut me anywhere you want.â Killian laid the knife down onto the desk and then hiked Isabelleâs dress up around her hips. âIf you decide to stab me in the heart, Iâll understand. Actually, it would be kind of poetic, really. Considering I didnât have one before we met.â With one hand wrapped around his cock, Killian tapped her pussy a few times to get harder and then pushed himself back inside of her, so deep he could feel her stomach. âUghm. Sit up with me...â Killian reached down and lifted her up, so she could straddle his hips. âJust go slow and think about what you want, mi reina.â He whispered against her mouth before rolling his hips in slow, passion fueled strokes, reserved for rare instances of lovemaking, âMmâkiss me or kill me.âÂ