part of me is still waiting for my baby to come back

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@realthoughtss
part of me is still waiting for my baby to come back

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to them, i look like i'm having fun.
but in my head, it's just the same nightmare playing over and over again.
Ich habe dich getroffen, ohne dich je berührt zu haben. Und doch hast du mir mehr genommen, als Menschen, die neben mir standen.
Du bist gegangen, ohne zu erklären. Hast mich zurückgelassen in einem Loch, das ich nicht mehr füllen konnte.
Ich habe mich verloren.
Habe die Kontrolle aus den Händen gegeben, mich betäubt, weil es einfacher war, als zu fühlen, wie sehr du mir fehlst.
Und jetzt, immer wieder, kommst du zurück. Versprichst mir Nähe, Veränderung, und verschwindest wieder.
Ich warte, wie auf einen Schuss, wie auf den nächsten Rausch.
Ich warte, obwohl ich weiß, dass es wieder wehtun wird.
Ich weiß nicht mehr, was schlimmer ist: dich zu verlieren, oder dich zu behalten.
let me miss him now but god don't let me miss him in a wedding dress
Time heals many things, but sometimes something unfinished remains - and it quietly makes itself known.

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i had a dream of you and another girl and my heart broke all over again
life so private no one knows how close they actually are to loosing me forever
never felt so lost in my entire fucking life.
the devil couldn't reach me so he sent a boy who treated me perfectly and then decided to break my heart into a thousand pieces on a random thursday.
my little girl, today is your first birthday. you turned one year old today. you could crawl, talk a lot and maybe even walk. but all we can do is observe your beauty from the sky. your sunrays, your stars, your sunsets and sunrises. we can only see you from a distance and can't tell you how proud we are of you and how much we love you. we can't cuddle with you, we can't talk to you, we can't watch how much you get done, we can't see you play, we can't fall asleep with you. i'm proud of you, my girl. i love and miss you so much.
forever one month👼🏻

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pretty but not pretty enough to make him stop looking at other women
you call me pretty but you look at other women, and i wonder why i'm not pretty enough to keep your eyes on just me
even though we can never celebrate together as a complete family again, i sincerely hope that you have a happy and carefree christmas in heaven and that god gives you countless gifts. i love you so much, my baby. the holidays are pure torture for me - i miss you so much and can hardly bear to be without you. i think of you every second of my life. merry christmas, my beautiful little angel.
always running back into addiction after something bad happen <<<<<
never actually sober, just a different addiction

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you passed away before I got to make you proud, and it kills me everyday.