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This is the closest thing to a smile I've ever seen this man do for media

wow babe you’re really good at staying up incredibly late and barely sleeping every night

"the world isn't kind" we are the world. lets make it kind.

My parents always told me this. My world's been a lot kinder since I moved out of their house.

This stupid exchange between friends has become a cultural icon.

Babies are socially accepted parasites.

When u read Ayn Rand 1 time

They’re not a parasite, they’re a potential investment

When you read Ayn Rand a dozen times

I don't know who needs to hear this but... start living. The days are flying by and all you do is work, pay bills, and stress. Enjoy what you can like walks, sunsets, music, laughter. Joy doesn't have to be expensive. You deserve it.

My daily reminder to myself

I'm not sure why it's so hard to believe that this website is majority white. This is at least the tenth round of this question getting this same answer. How many times is it "just not reaching the demographics of color" before we accept that there just isn't that many 😅

its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"

in the beginning, the trump assassination attempts were spaced by twenty four weeks. then twelve, then six, then every two weeks. the last one, at the white house, was a week. in four days we could be seeing a trump assassination attempt every eight hours until they are coming every four minutes. we should witness a double event within seven days,

transfems and neurodiverse people trying to prove why their childhoods werent that bad

@apocrypals

Hi, pope expert here. This isn’t funny — popes only do this when they’re in extreme distress

We're all in extreme distress, he's not special.

When all you have is a vase, all your problems start to look like flowers

Well sometimes my problems look like two heads facing each other really close

I took your skull off display because my guests kept saying it looked noticeably gayer than the other skulls

When I finish this whale shark lamp all 4 of you are gonna be So I'm pressed

She glows now, just so you know, and she's full of string deliciöusee string

Are you gonna show us the lamp? 👀