Ask Jon and Martin

BORTHER considered herself to be a pragmatic, logical girl. She considered the facts before her, and only believed in what could be proven true. 

Gravity? Drop an apple, there it is.

Air? Well, she was certainly breathing.

Alien spaceships? That’s just crazy. 

At least that’s what she would have said that morning, had you asked her.

But nobody asked her, did they? Nobody asked how she thought today would go, and even if they had, she wouldn’t have answered in any way that was remotely close to what happened.

See, BORTHER and her friend BORTHER would always walk home together after school. They would always call their parents, lie and say they were at the library, and stop to get food at BORTHER; The youth center and juice bar of Angel Grove. Yu stood outside of the school gates, waiting as the last of the other teenage prisoners exited the brick building. 

“BORTHER, BORTHER!” BORTHER called, waving.

BORTHER rolled her eyes good-naturedly, waving back.

As BORTHER came closer, their blue boots clicking on the pavement, the two slapped their hands together and did a GLURMPLE ‘secret’ handshake. 

It's a secret because even they don’t know how to do it. 

“How’d you do on the History exam?” BORTHER asked, reaching down to pop open her heelies. 

“I got lucky this time,” BORTHER beamed, “It was about the Gulf War!”

BORTHER raised an eyebrow. 

“You didn’t know what unit you were going over this week?”

BORTHER shrugged. “I was busy.”

BORTHER knew that this meant BORTHER spaced out the entire class, but didn’t say anything. 

The two made their way to BORTHER easily enough, stopping only once to pick up some river rocks and stuff them in their pockets. 

The juice bar was at about half capacity, and filling up fast with the recently dismissed student body of Angel Grove High. 

There were kids exercising, chatting, messing around on the public computers, and of course, eating. 

BORTHER took a huge bite of their alfresco JORGE burger, dripping with what one might call an unnatural amount of PISS.

BORTHER stirred her lemonade around with the straw, sipping intermittently as she looked around the room. 

BORTHER chewed quickly and swallowed before speaking, 

“You see, it’s Morbin time.”

BORTHER stared blankly for a second.

“You know,” BORTHER said, “Morbin time. Like from the hit marvel movie, Morbius.”

“The meme’s been dead for like two weeks now.” BORTHER replied

“Well,” BORTHER said, “We are literal fucking mighty morbin power rangers. So. Fuck you and your lesbian ass.”

“Wait we haven’t gotten to that part of the story ye-”

And then the universe fucking collapsed 

MARTIN

Who the hell is-

ARCHIVIST

(cutting him off) We have a cat and her name is Doctor Crime

MARTIN

(shocked) Jon!

ARCHIVIST

ARCHIVIST

Martin, I’m not going to listen to you when you’re like this.

MARTIN

You are utterly infuriating and I cannot stand you

ARCHIVIST

But you love me

MARTIN

(exasperated) I do, and I hate myself.

ARCHIVIST

(amused) So we can agree that I’m not in the wrong for drinking microwave tea?

MARTIN

No. No, you are absolutely evil and-

[The Archivist shushes him]

MARTIN

(increasingly infuriated) No! No, I will not-

ARCHIVIST

Mar- Martin, Martin, listen.

MARTIN

To what? Insanity?

ARCHIVIST

No, it’s.. It sounds like whirring tape.

MARTIN

(confused) What?

ARCHIVIST

Whirring tape, like-

MARTIN

Like a tape recorder, I know- but what do you mean it sounds like a tape recorder? Do we.. (introspective) do we own any anymore?

ARCHIVIST

I wouldn’t know. But it definitely sounds like one.

[They both fall silent for a moment]

MARTIN

You’re right, it does..

ARCHIVIST

It’s coming from over.. there.

MARTIN

That’s the fireplace.

[Footsteps approach and wood is moved aside, clearing the audio]

MARTIN

Yeah.. yeah, that’s a tape recorder.

ARCHIVIST

(sarcastically drawn out) Wonderful.

MARTIN

I thought that these would stop- they did stop, didn’t they?

ARCHIVIST

I have no idea what’s going on any more than you do, Martin. As far as I know, the Eye isn’t here. That or it wouldn’t notify me anyway, now that I’m useless.

MARTIN

(empathically) You are not useless

ARCHIVIST

Try convincing the Eye of that. A blind Archivist can See no fear.

MARTIN (legally)

Fair, fair.. What do we do with this?

ARCHIVIST

Smash it, I guess?

MARTIN

(jokingly) We could pour concrete on it

ARCHIVIST

(Laughs)

MARTIN

(Also laughing) Pull a bit of an Adelard Dekkar

ARCHIVIST

(calming down, but still amused) God, if he were the Archivist..

MARTIN

Yeah.. Anyway, where’s the hammer?

ARCHIVIST

(audibly smiling like a little shit) I have no idea.

MARTIN

(Snorts) Right, you go back to your Devil tea, I’ll go look in the garage.

[Footsteps, followed by indistinct whispering]

MARTIN

(panicked) What the hell!?

ARCHIVIST

(distantly) Are you alright?

MARTIN

(confused) I.. I think the tape recorder said something to me?

ARCHIVIST

(coming closer) What?

MARTIN

I don’t know! I was about to open the door, and it just- asked me a question!

ARCHIVIST

(mildly concerned) did it ask or did it Ask?

MARTIN

It just.. asked.

ARCHIVIST

Huh. Well.. what did it say?

MARTIN

It said..

ARCHIVIST

(annoyed) This is not Devil tea! This is Darjeeling!

MARTIN

Well apparently the mysterious voice agrees with me about microwaving tea!

ARCHIVIST

(like a petulant kitten) It’s quick, it’s easy, and it doesn’t even taste that bad!

MARTIN

(triumphantly) So it does taste bad!

Howdy all, we’re currently in the process of switching artists, so everything is on hold for a while longer. Feel free to send in asks, though, cuz we’re trying to get off the ground as soon as everything is settled!

- Henry, Writer and Co Creator

Hi! Hello! I CAN’T ART ANYMORE. Let me explain. So I was running low on space and I deleted a few things, including the drivers for my drawing tablet. So, we’ve decided to change artists! 

- Jade, (sometimes) Writer and Co Creator

hi! i don't know much about the magnus archives, but from what my friends told me it looks super dope and im totally willing to take over the art part of the blog. i just draw whatever they tell me to draw and hope the people on a site i tried joining awhile ago but was never able to navigate likes it. content for the people. can't wait to see what happens with this!

“WE DUM!!!! WE ARE BAFOONS!!!! WE ARE INCONSISTENT!!!! BUT WE DO OUR BEST!!!!”

- Henry, Writer and Co Creator

“Hi, Hello, Wassup. I am very slow with art so don’t expect the askblog to start anytime soon. I am slow, give me time.”

- Jade, Artist and Co Creator

for now have some jon!

Jon and Martin have made it to Somewhere Else

They found jobs, and a home

They have a cat.

Jon can no longer See, and tragically, can’t see either.

Martin occasionally disassociates, but he isn’t Lonely anymore.

They Believed that their time with the Powers was over.

Until the tape recorder appeared.

Questions poured from it, so many questions - all curious.

Curious about... Them? The askers wondered if they were happy, if they were ok.

How was their cat? What did they do for work?

It was all terribly mundane, the questions - so maybe... maybe it was okay.

So they decided to start responding.

But which questions to answer first...