Today marks the day where I decided I would no longer chase you. If you don't want to reply to me, or talk to me, that's okay with me. I'm trying so hard to be at peace with myself. I'm not happy. I'm dying to tell you every reason why I'm not but you've already heard them all before. The worst part about this whole situation is that you are the one choosing this. You are the one choosing not to see me before I leave which really fucking sucks. I sacrifice so much for you because I felt like it wasn't a sacrifice. Only because I thought that what I was doing would be done in return. Because isn't that what people in Love do? They do things for one another because they want to, not because they feel like they have to. I don't want to make you do anything anymore. I don't want to make you go hiking with me, I don't want to make you go outside with me, I don't want to make you do any of that. All I want is for you to be happy. Whether that's with me or without me. My terms are known and apparently seem too high. I didn't know that my expectations exceeded your abilities. It's making me sick knowing that this is almost done and you aren't even aware of it. Like you're so used to just doing what you want and having me jump when you tell me to. You do this thing where I cry or we fight about something, it gets changed for about 1 day, and boom, it's back again. Well I was told you either get over it or you break up. Well people forget about the last option and that's to change. But I'm not here to change you. Obviously it's not going to happen because if it was going to it would have. I don't ask too much from you... I respect you. I give you my everything. I baby you. I'm always chasing you, even if IIII did nothing wrong for the sake of our relationship, I'm always cooing you... Well I'm sorry, but I'm done. I will get stronger. I will stop checking my phone every minute to see if you replied. I will go out and do things on my own. It's just going to suck when you wake up and realize that I'm not around and you wonder what happened to me. I stopped laying around and giving you what you wanted, and I went out and did what made me happy. I can do it alone, I just always wanted to do things with you. Obviously the feeling isn't mutual. It's so easy for you to watch me leave and to use my actions as an excuse to not have a conscious. It's disgusting to see you not replying to me because of your hard headedness. I'm proving to you that I'm not weak. We've been together for so long... Why is communication still an issue. Oh wait, it's not. It's the action after the communication. It's just as disgusting knowing you actions before you even commit them. I knew you weren't going to see me before I left. And if you did it would be last minute. Not because you wanted to, but because I MADE you. I MADE you feel like you had to. What the fuck am I going to tell my family when I go back home? Oh idk what we are, he just hasn't replied to me in a couple of days.... The man I'm supposed to marry and spend the rest of my life with would rather be silent than stand up for our relationship. That's pure greatness. You say communication is what we need, then prove it to me. So far you are failing miserably. You're choosing to break my heart instead of hearing what I have to say.... After 2 years...
