a weak boned boy made up of frayed wires . he will not allow himself bend or break again , will not let himself implode with the burnings of a broken heart . veins of poison wrapping around the organ , trying to keep it intact so that his frame does not cave in . he could tell his beloved how sorry he is . that he will never leave again , that he’d hang up his poisoned soul on the coat rack made up of their enemies’ bones . he could be truthful , & she could have doubts . he could stay forever , but they are both too smart to believe in things like that , no longer able to trust in kaleidoscope thoughts & childish daydreams . one day , he will leave again , & she will fall in love again . he will be scratched out of portraits . reduced to a name & scarring memories . she will try to forget him , & he will be searching for her love in places there is none . his every waking thought & his last dying wish .
hands pull away from the rosary , like it scorched him , like it disgusts him . eyes closing so tightly in frustration that he can see the galaxies she’s made of on back of his eyelids . the world spinning at a sickening speed , he will swallow down bile . her kisses taste like love , & he has never deserved that . without thinking , rough hands will press harshly against her collarbone . he has never taken her softness into consideration . maybe if he’s ugly , she’ll understand . blood stained teeth snarling , eyes flickering black , it pains him to show her the face that damns him . but he is no good , & will never deserve her love . ‘ no , we’re not . nothing about you , nothing about us , is right . what don’t you fucking understand ? it’s going to kill us . this is going to fucking kill us … ’ & you do not deserve to die . not at his hands , not even at god’s .
‘ & i’m not going to die because of you . ’
you’d think , with a heart so gold and love so kind , she’d move on to better things . she’d come to realize that chase was just a boy full of broken promises , a boy full of fear , a boy scarred and a boy cruel and a boy whose one reflex was to run away . she knew some of those things . it took time , but she realized he was scared , he was weak . weaker than her , anyway . alas , this didn’t deter her affections or wither away her loyalty . if anything , it made them stronger--------- her persistence and patience taking over her love . she wanted to help him . she wanted to prove to him that , utterly and truly , she loved him . she wanted to show to him that her intentions were only good , and that he didn’t have to keep pretending to be this big bad wolf that she knew he only portrayed himself to be , a means to isolate himself ; it was easier to be feared than to be loved , she knows she knows she knows ! but god , was it hard . damn , was it tough . it was so painful to love so hard only to be left so many times .
‘ you’re a liar . ‘ voice shakes , but her ground is stood . ‘ and a coward . ‘ she doesn’t flinch at his touch , doesn’t cower at his gaze . she’d gotten used to it by now . ‘ it’s easier to be alone . you want to be alone . you’re doing this to make me go away . . . but i’m not going to . ‘ grabs his hand again , rests it over her rosary again . ‘ you hear me ? i’m not going to . i’m not going to abandon you . i’m not going to let you ruin yourself . i’m not going to let you become the monster you so desperately wish yourself to be . & you know why i’m not letting you do that ? because i care , chase . i care so much , and you’ve never known what that feels like , so you’re scared of it . you’re scared of me . you can’t live your life in fear . ‘