Unwritten.

Momma always told me to stay away

from blue eyes and crooked smiles,

I wanted to find out for myself,

‘ why?’

Now

I’m standing in a burning house

watching the wallpaper peel down

and burn black.

The walls are beginning to cave in,

and I thought I saw your shadow

slithering in to watch me burn.

There’s only ashes left.

Ashes of the house we built.

Dust of our love,

thrown away for a quick fuck.

I feel the cold gust of depression

grasping me.

I feel your betray cold on my shoulder,

whispering oh sweet nothings.

I’ve become hollow,

a synth of who I once was.

A hollow shell of a once delicate girl.

Momma always told me to stay away

from blue eyes and crooked smiles.

Now I know why.

The only thing I’ve known

for the past week

is the bottom of a bottle

and a few smoked out blunts

all to encase what I could rememeber

of Us.

And,

I’m getting tired

of my days fading into nights

my nights turning into day

but never remembering

which is which

because it’s all just been

a blaze

a blur

a numb day.

My hands yearn for yours

they echo your name through their pulse.

Every night I wait

till the thumping

in my head stops

so I can find

a quiet place

where I can hide

and collect myself

because sometimes

the thought of you

is so overwhelming

that I forget about

how bad you betrayed me

and how the knife

in my back still throbs

after each painful sob

and gasp for air

you have left me desperate to breathe.

Today,

after months of listening

to my hollow chest whistle

in the blistering wind

I dragged myself to our door

the door that encased ‘us’

I stood there for a moment

contemplating whether or

not I should knock

or if I was even welcome anymore.

Its been closed off for some time now.

I lightly pressed my lips against the dead, unforgiving door

and as it creaked open

You flooded my mind

We flooded my thoughts

I remembered every crinkled up smile and

heavy laugh you ever made.

it all turned sour, black and rotten.

I turned to run but it was too late.

[We] engulfed me.

I took what was left of my rotting heart and

threw it at your feet.

“Here, here is what’s left,”

“It’s not much, but you took what was left,”

“Now all I have is this gaping hole that I am better off with.”

you glanced at it with a smirk painted across your face

it took you 3.2 seconds to

grab my whole and fracture it

without ever looking back.

I haven’t felt quite the same since then.

I’ve been wandering these damn alleys for months. I’ve become a stray cat

that wanders parking lots and cities-

searching for love but running away

from anyone offering.

I’ve become a shadow of the girl- I once was.

There are days I can’t recall

who she is or

what her intentions were.

I forgot what her ambitions were and

what her dreams consisted of.

she is a shell,

a black hole.

a once magnificent star-

that caved into itself.

I once saw galaxies

swimming in her eyes,

super novas,

constellations,

a different universe

encased behind her fragile eyes.

now her eyes are

a dull matte black,

echoing the pain

from within her abandoned rib cage.

we built a home together

we etched ourselves into every detail

we burned ourselves into the walls

we put ourselves into each other  

I built my home in You.  

now these walls glare and grimace at me

they remind me of the love once burning

they tease me with your shadow

dancing in and out of rooms  

I once built my home in You.  

the little red door

that opened your heart,

nested between the walls of your chest.  

you’ve left me homeless.  

wandering through alleys

for any dose of love

I can inject into these

purple love sick veins,  

My home was built in You,

but you burned it down.