None Of It Was Ever Worth The Risk

Noah Puckerman

He wasn’t going to pick up the things he left at Rachel’s. Those were hers to keep. His Letterman jacket was the one that kept her warm throughout the cold nights of the winter, his gym shirt was the one shirt she’d sleep with when he couldn’t stay the night. There was also his toothbrush and a couple pairs of socks, but did he really need to take those? Of course not, she didn’t have to keep all that but he had no use for those items. He had left a watch that he always kept in her jewelry box, it was a watch given to him by his grandfather and although he wanted to take that to Los Angeles with him, he couldn’t. If he was going to be remembered, he wanted Rachel to remember him everytime she looked at that watch. Everytime she opened up her box to pull out a pair of earrings or the necklace he had got her for Valentines, he wanted to be the first person that came to mind. They might’ve been headed for different directions but the memories were always going to be there. “Keep the things I have over there. It’s nothing but a jacket, a couple shirts and my watch. I got enough clothes at home I can take and it’s summer, no way I’m gonna be needing a freakin’ jacket when I’m chilling in the Los Angeles sun.” He chuckles, pulling her chair a bit closer as he rests his forehead against hers.

"I’m gonna miss waking up to your smile. I’m gonna miss your fuckin’ laugh and the way you look my way whenever I’m singing a solo. I’m gonna miss a lot of things bout you but now isn’t the time to be crying. We’re not really closing a chapter, maybe just closing the book until we both decide to pick it back up and continue where we left off?" Puck was never good with metaphors, hell, he was never good at anything besides being a badass and being a sexshark. He knew she understood what he was trying to say and when she flashed him a small smile, he knew he got his point across. "We’re still gonna be keeping in touch and crap right? We might be hundreds of miles away but we can still talk to each other on the phone and maybe you can text me during your lunch breaks and shit. I just wanna always know that you’re okay, I wanna know that your safe and happy. I wish I could’ve been the one to protect you and keep you smiling but unfortunately I can’t, babe." Before tears can escape, he leans in to capture her lips once more, this time the kiss lasting a little bit longer than the first one. "I don’t think I’m ever going to meet someone as amazing as you."

Rachel Berry

Rachel gave a languid smile, as she nodded her head slowly. She had really hopped he wouldn’t tell her to keep all of his things. Some weren’t useful to her of course, but was would almost feel like putting salt on an open wound. The thing with Rachel was, she wouldn’t even try to hide them to make her feel better where ever they were now they would stay until she needed them. When she needed to feel closer to him, she would throw on his shirt. Or when she felt cold, his letter man jacket would warm her right up. And whenever she wanted to torture herself about their relationship, she would reach into her drawer and pull out his watch. At every hour she would remind herself of one thing that they did at that time, whether it be them laying on her bed at 9 or them watching a movie at 6 or even having breakfast at 11. She could come up with a million events for each hour. “Very true, I think the letterman might be a little too much for L.A., it may not even get cold enough in the winter for you to wear it. As far as the watch, thank you.” Her heart did a pang in her chest, as ran her hand over the edge of her skirt to keep herself from looking back at him, but naturally she failed horribly.

Noah Puckerman

There were a lot of things Puck wanted to say in this moment. He wanted to call her a coward for breaking up with him the way she did. He wanted to plead his case as to why she should join him in Los Angeles, but most importantly, he wanted to tell her that if roles were reversed, he’d never would have done what she did. If he were a teacher, he would’ve never crossed that line in fear of losing his job. Truth be told, Rachel wasn’t a coward, the brunette was far from it. Ever since that first practice at his house when they found themselves kissing one another, she could have backed away but she didn’t. She knew what she was getting into and considered him to be worth the risk. There would’ve been no ‘them’ if it wasn’t for her and she needed to know that. He wasn’t going to cuss up a storm, he wasn’t going to storm out, even though this was a break-up, they needed to end on good terms. Those six months were amazing and he wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. She showed him what it was like to love and be loved in return. Rachel knew more about him in these past six months than anyone else. She was his rock’, she was the person he could always run to if he ever had problems and now as he was about to head to Los Angeles, he was going to be without the one person he trusted most in this world.

She hands him a picture and he can’t help the smile that escapes his lips. He looks happy and it was because the stupid fuckin’ glee club that he constantly tried to bring down before joining. How in the hell did a bunch of losers get him to smile this big? It was crazy how his Senior year turned out to be. He was dating the school’s drama teacher, actually pushed Wheels to class a couple times and come lunch time, he found himself giving his tots to Precious of all people. Not to mention the fact that whenever his teammates on the football team tried to make fun of the club, he would threaten the crap out of them until they stopped. Putting the picture in his pocket, he took a deep breath as he tried to find the words to say to the brunette. “I ain’t ever been loved in my whole life. I ain’t ever had someone that wasn’t my ma that looked out for me. It wasn’t cuz I was un-loveable or whatever, it was by choice. I didn’t want to let anyone in, didn’t want anyone to know the real me. There was something about you that allowed me to change my whole perspective on shit. You love me, flaws and all, you’re still by my side. I know what you had to fuckin’ risk in order to make us work. I know how hard it was for you and I can’t have my last day in Lima be one where I try and bring you down and crap. You deserve much better than the bullshit I wanted to tell you. I love you Rachel, I’m gon’ always love you. People say they don’t forget their first love and trust me, no way I’m forgetting bout you. You made a decision that I couldn’t do. I was afraid of it but I don’t see it being any other way. We gotta let each other go and it fuckin’ sucks, I love you so fuckin’ much and I want nothing more than to keep you by my side but I gotta go to LA. I need to find myself and shit or whatever. Thank you for everything, thanks for loving me, and thanks for making me fuckin’ believe in myself.” He leans in and places a chaste kiss to her lips, a tear finally escaping the corner of his eye.

Rachel Berry

The whole time Puck talked, a small smile stayed on her lips. He was her person and she was his, even if they weren’t together she knew it was going to take a lot to make her forget about him. She probably couldn’t if she tried. The two of them had been through too much together. Having to hide their love for each other because it was frowned upon and the one time they get the chance to be a couple and try to be happier than before they had to let each other go. This was probably one of the hardest things Rachel had ever been through. It surpassed getting rejected from shows, or finding out he that her boyfriends was sleeping with half of New York City, it was harder than realizing that she had to come back to one place she never wanted to, this was much harder than all of this combined. Sure they would still be able to communicate with each other if they wanted too. He was only a text away or a phone call if she ever wanted to hear his voice. But it wasn’t going to be the same, nothing would even be the same. For two people who weren’t supposed to be together, who had to sneak around to see each other, 6 months was a long time and they managed to do a lot of ‘first’ more than most people did while being together for years. First New Years, first Valentine’s Day, first trip together, I love you’s in a matter of months. Memories she would never give up, she would always hold them near and dear to her as long as she could.