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Tbh if I were Mr Martin and I blamed myself for my childhood friend going missing, and presumably dying alone, after being struck by lightning, then got screwed out of my “dream” job for something secondary but still alright but not what I wanted (aka teaching), supported my students dreams and ambitions to the point the conservative powerful community members conspire to get me fired from my job, my suicidal ideation spikes and I attempt to kms, regret it and immediately take steps towards NOT kms, only for one of my students to accidentally light the proverbial (and literal) match and have my attempt kill us both, then spend a few years completely alone with said student drowning in guilt of what I’d done and unable to interact with the world in any tangible way, then a bunch of kids keep dying too around me and I have to keep a smile on my face because I’m lying to them - I’d probably also dive headfirst into what I know and love to try and keep myself sane as I inevitably travel further and further from what I consider human (morals) thereby dooming my sanity. And then if, on top of that, even after I am dead myself, I accidentally cause the brutal death and maiming of an entire school bus of children??? Oh yeah my sanity is fully cooked, literally nothing would matter to me at that point. I’d be convinced nothing was real and it all had to be a bad dream. He should’ve done more than shrooms, he should be smoking a blunt EVERY FIVE MINUTES.