Plus Shipping and Handling

I don't really have a crush on Tori, but this match is inspired by a moment Al Snow did in the Attitude era.

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On a “Monday Night Raw” episode that aired in 1999, you were having this evening gown match against Tori---the same Tori who debuted in the WWF playing an obsessed fan of Sable, had the very first women’s hardcore match against Ivory, and was a member of D Generation X.

During this match, you arrived to this match wearing a long gown and the same blond wig Janet Wood wore in a “Three’s Company” episode.

You’ve worn that wig in the WWF before and that wig is a fan favorite.

The reason you wore that blond wig in this match was because Al Snow did a wrestling match where he wore a wig and dress.

On a “Shotgun Saturday Night” episode that aired in 1997, you were backstage with Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

He hadn’t yet become Triple H and joined D Generation X yet.

When you were backstage with Hunter, you were wearing a designer Versace gown.

“Well, what do you think?” you asked Hunter. “My new designer dress. Only $30”

“That’s cheap” Hunter replied.

“Are you kidding?” you asked him. “Especially for Versace!”

You had your hip sticking out in front of him while you showed off your new designer dress.

Being young, dumb and full of cum in the WWF's Attitude era or in the 1990's, maybe even wearing Joyce Dewitt's blond wig in this gif when you're young, dumb and full of cum:

On a “Monday Night Raw” episode that aired at the end of 1997, one of those coming up next segments that had the guitar riff to Slam Jam’s “We’re All Together Now” had you standing backstage in front of the Attitude era’s iconic chain link fence with the Raw is War logo on it, where you were standing next to Triple H.

Like Janet in that episode, with a nervous smile on your face you had turned yourself sideways like how Janet did after Mr. Furley complemented her, like this:

You smiled like Janet did in that gif.

Speaking of smiles, you then rotated your body until it was standing completely straight where you slightly jiggled with a smile on your face, this time your smile showed teeth.

You were recreating this moment Janet was doing in this scene:

Because so many hair metal bands had these bimbos in their music videos, treated women as such and had groupies like this, in the early 1990’s you were backstage with members of some of the last popular hair metal bands Trixter and Slaughter.

The members of those bands that were the sexiest were Pete Loran, PJ Farley, and Mark Slaughter as well as Blas Elias and Steve Brown.

When you were near them, you then began chirping and sounding in a high pitch voice like how Suzanne Somers sounded on the short lived spinoff “The Ropers” when she kept bumping her hip into Mr. Furley’s hip in an episode.

You giggled and sounded like Suzanne when she was bumping, jumping and dancing with Mr. Roper in that episode.

This is how Suzanne sounded in that clip from 0:26 to 0:56:

You sounded exactly like her in this clip, which was the point.

When you spoke to PJ Farley, Pete Loran, Mark Slaughter, Steve Brown and Blas Elias, you spoke in the same high pitched voice Janet Wood spoke with in that linked clip as well as in that “Three’s Company” episode when she wore a blond wig and black dress, giggling like Janet in that blond wig episode.

When you saw Skid Row, White Lion, Winger, LA Guns, Tora Tora, etc. in concert, backstage you approached the sexiest members of those bands (Kip Winger, Keith Douglas, Phil Lewis, Rob Affuso, etc.) and giggled and spoke in the same high pitched voice Suzanne spoke with in that video, as well as spoke in the same high pitched voice Janet spoke with in her blond wig episode when she wore a black dress.

Later on during the 1990’s, you could’ve giggled like Suzanne Somers in that “Ropers” episode towards hot male pro wrestlers like Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Christian Cage, Rob Van Dam, Brian Pillman, Chris Jericho, Scott Hall, ECW’s Nova, etc. You name it.

At a WWF house show at the end of 1997, while you walked down to the ring with Triple H and Shawn Michaels, you were wearing this red teddy Joyce Dewitt is wearing in this picture:

You wore this teddy on a house show because you were worried and nervous how fans watching WWF television would feel about it.

You have seriously thought of wearing this teddy as well as other teddies and lingerie women on “Three’s Company” and even what Adrienne Barbeau wore on an episode of “Maude” on WWF television and pay-per-views and even in wrestling matches.

In 1998, you were involved in a WWF wrestling storyline where you tried increasing your breast size to compete with Sable because Vince McMahon was wanting to push her because Sable was bustier.

This storyline was based on a “Three’s Company” episode.

While your breasts were as big as Janet Wood’s breasts were when she increased in her breast size in said “Three’s Company” episode, during a “Monday Night Raw” episode that aired in 1998 your breasts were the same size as Janet’s rival in that episode.

Your breasts were as big as this woman’s chest:

Your shirt you wore in this episode was also quite low cut.

As you walked down to the ring, male fans had their eyes all on your chest and whistled and catcalled at you.

Look everybody! A fanfiction that isn’t “Three’s Company” themed!

This fanfiction may also be a little disturbing for some, viewer discretion is advised.

For those reading this fanfiction, you can either chose to ship yourself with Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, Kip Winger, Billy Gunn, Mark Slaughter, Rob Van Dam, Jeff Hardy, Don Johnson, Bret Hart, Tony Tedeschi, William Regal, Rachel Bolan of Skid Row or all of the above.

On a “Shotgun Saturday Night” episode that aired in 1998, because the WWF was performing in an arena in Los Angeles, you walked down to the ring wearing Jenilee Harrison’s “I Love UCLA” shirt she wore on a “Three’s Company” episode with Triple H and Shawn.

This was the shirt:

You also wore these very tight short shorts where your cameltoe was visible.

On a “Monday Night Raw” episode that aired in 1998, you were the female manager for D Generation X.

During this episode, you wore a short sleeved crop top with no bra underneath, the shirt you were wearing reached slightly below your breasts like Jenilee Harrison’s shirt in this gif:

For those who don’t know, Jenilee’s the one in the white shirt in that gif.

Speaking of which, a highlight during this match was when DX’s opponents were standing close enough to you.

When they were close enough to you, you climbed onto the ring and stood on the apron, where you began jumping and hopping up and down like this in front of them to get their attention.

What you were doing was recreating this moment Jenilee Harrison is doing here:

Complete with one of your feet perching eventually up like a flamingo.

DX’s opponents did see you jumping up and down, and the audience caught what you were doing.

You were managing to hop up and down without falling out of the ring.

Since you were wearing a rather short crop top with no bra underneath, male fans in the audience thought your shirt would ride up and show people your breasts.

While DX’s opponents were distracted, DX snuck up behind and attacked them.

On a “WWF Jakked” episode that aired at the end of the year 2000, you walked down to the ring and appeared on television with your hairstyle this time looking different.

You usually had your long hair straight, but during this episode, your long hair was styled like Jenilee Harrison’s/Cindy Snow’s hair was styled on “Three’s Company” like this:

Complete with your hair now having bangs on your forehead.

(Jenilee's the one in the I Love UCLA shirt)

Your wrestling gimmick may be modeled after “Three’s Company”, but you didn’t always have your hair styled like the women on that show.

The commentators mentioned how your hairstyle was different, and your new hair style surprised fans.

But, many male fans in the audience whistled at you with this new hairstyle.

Because Jenilee’s character on “Three’s Company” was Chrissy’s country bumpkin cousin who would sometimes wear a cowgirl hat and it was the early 2000’s when lots of women were wearing cowgirl hats (including Trish Stratus), you sometimes at WWF house shows and episodes would wear your hair like Jenilee’s “Three’s Company” hair with a cowgirl hat.

On a “Shotgun Saturday Night” episode that aired almost at the end of 1997, you were sitting at the commentary table while Hunter Hearst Helmsley had a match.

During this match, Jerry Lawler poured a glass of champagne for himself.

You were sitting next to Jerry at the commentary table, where your hand nudged him and this caused the champagne he was holding to slightly splash on him.

The camera filmed your hand nudging Jerry and the champagne slightly spilling on him.

If that wasn’t enough, during one scene, he gave you his glass of champagne to drink because he’s flirtatious with women.

He really gave you that glass of champagne because of this particular moment.

After you took a sip from that champagne, you ended up “accidentally” throwing all that champagne on him, where the glass was completely empty and his face and torso were now completely drenched.

You tossed that champagne on him like this:

In fact, these moments of you spilling champagne on him were recreations of moments Jenilee Harrison did on “Three’s Company”.

ECW wrestler Nova (who would later on play fitness trainer Simon Dean in the WWE's Ruthless Aggression era in the 2000's) was born in June of 1972 in New Jersey and he has an identical twin brother.

Even better, early 1990’s band Trixter bassist PJ Farley’s was also born in June of 1972 and he’s from New Jersey as well!

These 3 aforementioned men were hotties back in their day.

You would love a foursome with these 3 aforementioned men since they were all born in June of 1972 in New Jersey.

While Nova and his twin brother were both so hot in the early 2000’s (Nova was also hot in the late 1990’s), PJ sadly cut his long hair by then!

Here’s a fanfiction that is not “Three’s Company” themed, but of a TV show that was on the air during the same time “Three’s Company” was.

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In the 1990’s and even the 2000’s, MTV used to have these TV specials called Rock n Jock where celebrities---whether they made music or not---would play sports like baseball, basketball, softball and football for charity.

MTV wasn’t the only one doing this, the World Wrestling Federation in the 1990’s also had charity softball games of their wrestlers playing the sport.

In 1992, several rock stars such as Warrant’s Jani Lane, Alice in Chains’ Layne Staley, Trixter’s PJ Farley and Pete Loran, White Lion’s Mike Tramp and many more played softball for the TJ Martell foundation charity.

 Hair metal may have been usurped by grunge in 1992, but there still were some hair metal rock stars participating in charity events.

There were even hair metal singers playing softball for MTV’s “Rock and Jock” specials in 1993 and 1994!

During the TJ Martell foundation in 1992 (or, for those choosing the WWF, the WWF’s charity softball game in 1996 during WWF Xperience), you were wearing a red short sleeved shirt that read “WKRP in Cincinnati” in white letters on the chest with matching red short dolphin shorts.

The outfit you wore was a replica of the outfit Loni Anderson wore on a “WKRP in Cincinnati” episode where they played baseball.

The rock stars at the TJ Martell Foundation in 1992 participating in that charity were Trixter’s Pete Loran, PJ Farley and Steve Brown, Slaughter’s Mark Slaughter and Blas Elias, Kip Winger from Winger, White Lion’s Mike Tramp, Tora Tora’s Keith Douglas, Skid Row’s Rob Affuso, LA Guns’ Phil Lewis, an Anthony Kiedis lookalike actor named Phil Buckman and actor Harold Pruett as well as Warrant’s Jani Lane, Layne Staley of Alice in Chains, Marq Torien from late 1980’s band the Bulletboys and many more.

(Author’s Note: Some of those men I listed really did participate in the TJ Martell Foundation’s softball game in 1992)

The wrestlers in the WWF’s charity softball game at WWF Xperience in 1996 were Shawn Michaels, Leif Cassidy, Hunter Hearst Helmsley and more.

As you approached on this baseball field wearing your red Loni Anderson outfit, men in the bleachers were catcalling, cheering and whistling at you.

Several of those rock stars and actors on the field at the TJ Martell foundation like Mark Slaughter, Pete Loran, PJ Farley, Mike Tramp, Keith Douglas and Kip Winger were smiling and whistling at you and checking you out with their eyes.

Even actors Phil Buckman and Harold Pruett were smiling and checking you out.

Shawn Michaels, Leif Cassidy, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Brian Pillman, and Billy Gunn were all smiling and whistling at you.

All of those listed men had their long hair hanging down and not tied back in ponytails, just the way you liked them.

As you approached closer to these listed men standing in the middle of the baseball diamond, with a smirk on your face you asked them if you could play with their balls.

What you asked made their eyes grow wide.

You weren’t referring to baseballs when asking about their balls.

While standing in front of Mark Slaughter and then slowly sauntering to PJ Farley (if it’s wrestlers, it’s Shawn Michaels, Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Leif Cassidy), when you stood close enough for your fingers to slowly walk up their chests and still keeping that smirk on your face you added that you’d love to have first, 2nd, 3rd base and homerun with these men, and you weren’t talking about baseball.

You sounded sexy when you asked if you could play with their balls and love to have 1st, 2nd, 3rd base and homerun with them.

In slang terms, the baseball bases metaphor refers to 1st base is kissing, 2nd base is fondling breasts or other places on the body, 3rd base is touching below the waist and of course home run is sex.

Some of those rock stars and wrestlers knew what you meant by these baseball metaphors.

That’s exactly what they wanted to do to you.

“If there’s grass on the field, play ball” said Shawn Michaels/Kip Winger, referring to you.

What he said got cheers and applause from the other men surrounding them.

Luckily you are a pubescent grown adult woman.

Brian Pillman would’ve said that to you.

PJ Farley wore a baseball jersey in a photo from during Trixter's, Firehouse's and Warrant's Blood, Sweat and Beers tour in 1991 (this tour really existed and so did this picture), and with your arms wrapped around PJ's waist you told him you wanted to slip your arms into his as well as these other men's baseball jerseys while they were wearing them, if that was possible.

Either way, when Leif Cassidy (and Mark Slaughter) were at the bat ready to hit the ball, you were standing in the middle of the baseball diamond shouting “Hello, little rocker batter!”

You said “rocker” was referring to the name of the team Mark Slaughter/Leif Cassidy was playing on.

An angry Ahmed Johnson (or Layne Staley) shouted “What’s goin’ on?”

Shawn Michaels (or Jani Lane) explained that you were the center fielder and she’s just playing a little tight.

With that, the game began.

You greeted “Yoo hoo!” and waved to Mark Slaughter and Shawn Michaels at the bat, which made Shawn/Mark smile and be completely distracted over you and made them miss the ball flying towards.

They didn’t hit the ball, they were distracted by your beauty.

When Kip Winger and Savio Vega threw the baseball towards the batter, you were posing and demonstrating next to Kip/Savio like how Loni was posing and demonstrating in that baseball episode.

The other batter you were distracting and flirting with this time was Pete Loran/Bret Hart.

Pete/Bret did miss the ball at first, but he did try to hit the ball when it approached him.

While PJ Farley/Hunter Hearst Helmsley was now the batter, and after the pitcher threw a ball to PJ, you blew a kiss to PJ like how Loni blew a kiss and smiled in “WKRP in Cincinnati”’s baseball episode.

PJ/Hunter of course smiled and was distracted over you flirting with him, which made him miss the ball.

Speaking of smiling, you smiled at PJ after he smiled at you, you were imitating Loni Anderson.

When you were now at the bat, Rob Affuso/Brian Pillman was now the pitcher where he threw a ball at you.

After you hit the ball with your bat, you scurried off to first base.

Keith Douglas from Tora Tora/Hunter Hearst Helmsley was crouching down behind you when you were at the bat, where he removed his umpire mask off his face to look at you while you ran to first base.

Mark/Hunter was distracted, which caused the other players on the team to shout “Get the ball!” at him.

Once PJ Farley was at the bat again, you stood on the middle of the baseball field where you turned around sticking your ass out with a smile on your face and a hand on your hip, imitating when Loni Anderson stood by the pitcher in that episode.

However, PJ was not distracted over what you were doing to him and he managed to hit the ball successfully.  

Then when it was your turn at the bat while Kip/Brian Pillman was the pitcher, someone shouted “Concentrate, Kip/Brian!”.

While you were at the bat, you stood there holding the baseball bat down where it touched the ground when one hand was on your hip while Kip/Brian threw the ball towards the bat.

You were imitating and posing how Loni/Jennifer was holding the bat in this “WKRP in Cincinnati” episode.

Go watch the episode online if you haven’t seen it.

“Concentrate!” another player shouted at Kip/Brian.

You stood there fluffing your hair while holding down the baseball bat like how Loni held it to the ground and not up in the air.

You rotated sideways when Kip threw the ball, which caused the ball to miss the bat.

It may have been a foul ball, but you strutted down to the 1st baseball base instead of running.

This caused lots of these sexy listed hair metal musicians, actors and wrestlers to whistle at you.

When someone was at the bat, you greeted “Oh, Mr. 2nd baseman!” to Pete Loran/Shawn Michaels, where you smiled and waved at them.

Pete/Shawn turned their heads to look at you, where your finger made a “come here” motion with a smile on your face.

After the batter hit the bat, you ran off the base and then said “Bye bye!” when you ran past Shawn/Pete.

Not only does pro wrestling have beautiful female managers and valets sexily distracting wrestling opponents, now baseball has them too.

There's other wrestlers you wish could've played on this baseball team with you, like Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Jeff Hardy, ECW's Nova, and Scott Hall.

Too bad they're in other wrestling companies.

In 1996, Sunny was the most popular woman and female sex symbol in the WWF, so much she was the most downloaded woman on AOL.com that year.

Sunny’s hair resembled Loni Anderson’s hair on “WKRP in Cincinnati” and she was a popular sex symbol that year that so many men and boys whistled at and lusted over and she always flaunted her sexuality.

Sunny seems more like she’d be the one to dress and act like Loni Anderson in that baseball “WKRP in Cincinnati” episode, not you.

Viewer discretion is advised for those about to read this fanfiction.

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After WCW went out of business, Eric Bischoff joined what was now known as the WWE, where he worked as “Monday Night Raw”’s general manager.

On a “Monday Night Raw” episode that aired in 2003, Eric wanted you and Torrie Wilson to do a pillow fight because Eric played a sexist, misogynistic despicable heel then and this was also when the WWE was still in its Divas Era when the WWE was making their divas do bra & panties matches, bikini contests, lingerie pillow fights, mud/pudding/gravy matches, spanking matches, etc.

During this match, you came out wearing one of those short little babydoll negligees women on “Three’s Company” used to wear and so did Torrie Wilson.

There was a bed in the middle of the ring with pillows on it.

In said match, you and Torrie tried hitting each other with pillows, sometimes standing on the bed but other times standing in the middle of the ring.