Invert Love Wars

Welcome to Raw Revelations where conversations are free flowing and discomfort and shame have left the building. I am here to foster s safe space for all to build relationships with themselves and others by harnessing the benefits of uncomfortable conversations. I want you all to feel safe and free to express yourselves and your opinions.

Hi Anon,

I'm very sorry to hear about your uncomfortable experience with your boyfriend. I've definitely been there an I want to guide you through this best I can. I want to start by saying there's nothing for you to be ashamed of. I know it can feel like you're still embarrassed while consciously knowing it's not something that should bother you. So I want to be clear that this is not something to be ashamed of.

How to Navigate Disagreements

The difference between good conflict and bad conflict is never talked about enough. There can be forms of good conflict that allow for us to grow and for our minds to expand. Spending our lives having people agree with us constantly is stagnant. Our opinions have the ability to change and we should challenge them to as often as we can.

Who are we as people if we can believe in something so strongly and not be able to see its flaws? Or be able to understand someone else who feels this way about a different issue?

We all have that one, tiny little voice inside of us we avoid and run from at all costs. The art of ignoring it is what makes it presence larger and more dooming. Listen to your demon, try to understand what it's saying.

Watching this video I knew I was going to agree with the consensus of Jay's argument but watching the video I was opened to new idea that opened my mind to a different perspective. I've recorded some quotes I found throughout the talk to be impactful, significant or even just something to pay attention to. Here are just some things I think really show the importance of Jason Jay's point.

"So many opinions we have are stuck in like a gridlock....so how do we bring our conversations back to life?" "When things get polarized we can get zapped...Either I keep the piece of I stall out on an issue I care about or I raise my voice and put myself and the relationship at risk." "What if instead we could see this polarization as a kind of energy, creative energy, energy for action. What if we could make conversation really come alive?" "Nation really means.... a tapestry of conversations." "...Had to let go of feeling right and righteous and certain of [my] agenda...had to let go of feeling safe." "If instead we listen to what other people value, and we take it seriously ,we can generate new ideas we never could've thought of alone."

scrambled = Invert love wars

related content: Slut Shaming is Bad

I believe that your Sexlife and your sex life are separate. Now I don't mean physically [even though it is] but they are. It sounds silly, but hear me out. I think that a person's sex life is the life force behind their desire to have sex. That desire is alive, it exists and has a heartbeat that can go stagnant without dying.

A lot of people, I've noticed, have this fear that if their sex drive goes down, it'll never come back up. That it will die. But your 'sex life', is alive. It was born with you and will live within you for as long as you breathe. However, that doesn't mean It will always give signs of life for the same things. It just may beat for different things. As you change and grow, so does the life of your sex. Your organs and bodies change with time and in order to develop a personal relationship with yourself and with your partner, you must accept the physical parts of yourself just as much as the emotional.

image source: google

On the other side of this concept, your 'Sexlife' [I believe] is the concept of intimacy exploration through another being. Some consider sex to be the easiest form of intimacy. Other's find it to be the hardest. I always wondered about the disconnect between those two opinions and why they are so contrary to each other. I think I've cracked it, or at least part of it.

I believe it's because our 'Sexlife' force that drives our physical desire for contact with another is separate from our 'sex life' which is the life in our sex organs. If you're sitting back wondering if the different capitalization in 'Sexlife' and 'sex life' is significant my answer is 100% yes. I capitalize the S in "Sexlife" to exhibit an emphasize on mind and soul connection. The two words are connected by an elimination of space which is a metaphor for the act of intimacy as a physical relationship vs an emotional one. The crave of intimacy must be accepted by our minds as much as our bodies and vice versa.

However, 'sex life' is lowercase to emphasize the relationship of our human sex organs having a life they want to live. I could consider each of my concepts as a 'mode' of sorts. Some people who fear intimacy avoid sex as to not allow the physical connection affect the brain, they might have a strong relationship with the 'Sexlife' mode. They might see sex as a gateway into their shame box, and have people see all their uglies. Some may have a great relationship with 'Sexlife' mode and see sex as a way to embody their divine humanness and connect with themselves and another at the same time. Those who see sex as the easiest form of intimacy may have a great relationship with the 'sex life' mode and see their organs as performers of pleasure without intimacy.

image source: google

I could debate this rhetoric for many hours, but that's not the point . The point is, we are different. And each and every part of us is alive and needs to be treated with emotions of its own.

It sounds convoluted and complicated but it's like meta emotions. Our feelings and senses have feelings and senses of their own that we need to consider and get to know better before accusing ourselves of being not good enough or that there is something wrong with us.

Sex can be a shameful topic and I want to release so many people from that stigma by discussing things that are uncomfortable, but we'll start with this.

for now.

Your mind and body are connected through your senses. Your senses serve as an avenue of connection. You must be open and willing to feel all sensations [including mental ones] in order to have a fully functioning anatomy. How can your brain send endorphins to your pain if it is blocked by your avoidance of that urge to pee? Same as, how are you supposed to feel the full effect of happiness if you are blocking your connection avenues by avoiding the embarrassment bubbling up in your chest?

image source: pinterest

I once saw an adult cartoon that featured a character they called the "shame monster". He was a very ugly looking old man with two different sized eyes, a cape and a staff. A commanding presence in the room who was very noticeable as he would sing the word "shame" over and over to each of the characters on the show in their subconscious. However obnoxious the shame monster was, he did manage to come in quietly and pop up out of nowhere with his loud song.

This may be a cartoon but I also happen to think it serves as a metaphor for the shame we all experience. Sometimes something happens, or we have a thought that feels wrong, dirty, or disgusting. Such then, swiftly, without hindrance, our shame comes in to commandeer our minds. Make us believe we are to feel shameful of ourselves, our actions, our bodies and our choices.

Shame feeds off of all our nasty emotions. Anger, sadness, fatigue, disgust, loneliness and it is super important to remember that this is the case when it does appear. We cannot feed our shame monsters by becoming angered or sad with ourselves. Yet, we also cannot fully expel the shame from our body with hate and rage. We must be raw, and kill our shame with kindness.

Shame is as much a part of us as everything else. So in order to embrace our livelihood through our senses, we must develop a relationship with all feelings. The shame monster only fears one thing, being accepted and loved. To us, one of the scariest things is opening up to someone about what we feel ashamed and having them confirm our shame and put us down. In this situation, the shame thrives as in these scenarios, we have been dejected and ridiculed. However, by accepting our shame and forgiving it for being unkind to us, we are cutting off its power supply. It can no longer make us feel a source of embarrassment for ourselves because we accept it as a true human sense.

The collage, "Isolation," by David Edward Johnson

image source: google

Have you ever had a question you thought no one else ever asked? A thought you were to embarrassed to own? A feeling, a bodily function, or habit that you felt so ashamed of : thinking about talking about it seemed impossible. I am here to break that cycle of closeted shame logic and embrace the act of living by our physical and emotional senses.

My goal here isn't to give my advice, but to give my opinions, my experiences, and research in the interest of fostering even just one person to have a better relationship with themselves.