I've spent many lonely nights closing my eyes
To the white of my ceiling
To light of the moon on my outstretched hands
I've felt the heaviness take me into the depths of my mind
Where my voice is muffled by suppressed memories.
And I can dwell among my fears with ease.
It was there where I roamed, able to piece together
The jagged and shattered pieces of myself
No trembling limbs and cold feet as I step
Into the thick, cold forest of my thoughts.
Where I feel no need for constant sleep.
I find comfort in the reaching claws of the deep.
My heart is light here, brilliantly bright.
Among these wild thorns I pick the roses
And know that there is beauty to be found after pain.
I let the sun soak to my bleeding, bruised skin
And watch it set through a soft wind in the trees.
It is proof that everyday can end in absolute perfection
This life to me has value
No longer etched into a pointless chase.
I seek neither riches nor grace.
My soul has known suffering
And this will be the sweet poem it sings
As it leaves me and this world.
For without darkness, light would not exist.
We cannot feel our heart race without the mist
How would we know to appreciate things?
The strength of our humility and kindness
Can only be measured by the extremes of affliction
How can one not want to have experienced
Both sweet pleasures of existence?
A gutting sob of absolute sorrow and a shattered heart
Or the fiery warmth of a tear shed for bliss.
Our deepest, most beautifully crippling truth.
I hold on to that ambiguous ideal.
Not of a perfect world or life.
But to experience everything I possibly can.
That I see the magnificence of my existence
Through everything I do, see and say.
The very power my beating heart holds.
And I pray to my own heart and soul
Not to give up this lifetime I've been gifted with at each sunrise
That I do not close my eyes to the white of my ceiling
Wishing I had reached out to let the moonlight hit my fingers.
As I take my final breath someday.
That I came. That I saw. That I loved. /A.T.J
