This update kinda turned into a rant/vent lol
This is a mixture of a health and a situational update, I guess? The health update is going to be a simple blurb; the situational update is more detailed and more important.
Health-wise, I've been really stressed for reasons you'll see below. Obviously, I still have crippling migraines. That hasn't changed, and likely never will, though I could accept that. I did have heat exhaustion a few nights as well. I used to have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and I've gone a long time without an anxiety attack, but I had a really bad anxiety attack recently, and ever since then I've been a little off. I'm sure part of it is because I haven't eaten much, but I dunno the rest. First, I feel dizzy when I get into certain positions. Usually when I'm half-sitting and half-lying down. When I'm out and about, I don't get that as much, though I find I might if I lean in a certain position. I'm hoping it goes away on its own. It doesn't feel too severe, so I likely won't get a brain scan or anything. I have been waking up with a lot of head pain, but I have been every day a lot for a long time now. Sometimes, the head pain goes away after a bit, but other times it goes into a full-blown migraine. I find that sleeping with a fan on makes it worse, so I do not do that anymore.
OH! YEAH! I also had sleep paralysis. That was wild.
In other news, I was rejected for disability for my chronic migraines because my doctor literally didn't sign the form properly. Not only that, but he lost it when I gave it to him to sign. If he had problems signing it/fillign it out, he never called, and he lost the form. I called him, only to find out he never put the form in the file, lost it, and then the nice secretaries booked an emergency appointment to have me fill it out. However, he decided to pull out the wrong form, and it was then and there that I realized he had lost the one I gave him, which meant I had to drive all the way to the disability/welfare office to pick up a new one (also, I was almost charged for the wrong one he filled out, which is the Canada Pension Plan Disability Benefit, NOT the provincial one I need.
He proceeded to not fill it out properly, which I didn't know because I wasn't looking over his shoulder and trusted the doctor. But apparently he filled it out wrong, so I was rejected immediately, within 2 weeks, because he left blank check boxes and sections of the form, including confirmation that I won't be able to work. It sounds like my doctor messes up a lot, according to reviews, but I can't do anything about it as someone who relies on him for disability and didn't even choose him to begin with, because in Canada you don't get to choose your own doctor, generally. Oh, and he failed to add documents despite the one thing he did check off, saying that he'd add them. Great job. Thanks, doc.
I had to bring some new documents and practically write his letter for him (as in word it for him) to bring to the office, but I'm not sure if he did it right or not, and I don't have faith that I will get accepted.
I have a neurologist, but she would have charged $600 to fill out the disability form, citing that the government "doesn't cover her set prices." She knew I was on welfare, since I was on a temporary form of disability that would have been permanent by now had my last doctor not retired, which forced me to wait years to get a new doctor who now did this. Seems like signing a disability form and accepting whatever the government pays should be something required by law to do. Like, accept what the literal government pays you, because people applying for disability have no income; are you DELUSIONAL??? THEY ARE COVERING THIS PERSON'S COSTS IN THIS CASE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT PAY THEMSELVES!! But okay, whatever. Scummy healthcare practice indeed exists in Canada too, in case you were wondering. I don't know what to do about her either, because now I have a greedy neurologist and a doctor who really just...I'll be honest...shouldn't be a doctor. He's nice as a person, I'm sure, but as a doctor, he screws his patients over with his incompetence. I don't think he knows English on more than a semi-basic level, which is simply not good enough as a Canadian doctor whom people put their lives in the hands of, but this is the government's fault.
This whole situation has been extremely heartbreaking and stressful. I was told I would likely be accepted for permanent disability due to how long I was on their temporary program, and welfare was supposed to be transitional. But because the Canadian healthcare system sucks under our current government, I can't even get it now. I might have to appeal. I cannot afford a disability lawyer on my behalf. I can't get another doctor. The government might see that as doctor-hopping to get disability. If I get rejected, I am literally just hopeless. My migraines prevent me from being able to just be a normal person, and I wouldn't mind it if I could live my life in peace and comfort without being screwed over all the time. I genuinely can handle my disorder, and I can manage my pain. It's the fact that other people are always judging me, judging whether I deserve to even live, etc, that bothers me.
I don't really know what I'll do other than continuously appeal. The issue is that there is a one-year wait to reapply if you are denied disability, and you can appeal, yes, but the process is strenuous (somehow more than this), and I've been told that I am better off using that as a last resort.
Oh, yeah, and I found out Nintendo has been scamming me for years. They signed me up for an automatic membership, which I didn't sign up for btw. I managed to get a refund for this last one, especially since I hadn't touched my account in years, but yeah. It sucks. I really didn't need to be talking to customer service for some greedy game company on top of handling this. Not to mention, someone I considered a "friend" begged me to buy a comm I couldn't afford and then ghosted me. She has been doing stuff like this ever since I first commed her, even when she found out my partner died (thinking it would "cheer me up" even though he was a partial source of income at the time and she was aware of this, and really a gift would have been better, but she knew I can't afford diddly squat). There's also the plushie I ordered in 2024 that I couldn't get a refund for because it was "past the refund period", despite it being a custom order that I assumed was taking longer. The weird part is I was ghosted after being shown the finished product. I don't exactly get that. But yeah, that was $120 wasted, and that was around the same time as me being begged to buy stuff that I couldn't afford, though I believed I denied that firmly since it felt insensitive to ask that of me at the time.
So really, I am not in the greatest spot. I have a really good grasp of my mental health, but the past few days my anxiety has been a bit much, and now it has had physical effects that I really wasn't expecting to have.
Ironically, this was supposed to be a fun week. There's a fair going on, and I was looking forward to enjoying the food and atmosphere. This is the one, only week I would have NOT been fine with all this happening, and it had to happen.
As for writing, I took a longer break than expected due to the stress and its weird side effects, but Within The Rubble and More Than A Glitch will still be getting updates! As I've stated, Within The Rubble is done offline, so I am good and will continue updating it. I am very far ahead with More Than A Glitch and won't have to worry for many weeks about running out of chapters to upload, though I would prefer to finish the story now. I also released an original story, which will be three chapters long and focuses on an original furry universe I made, so yeah. Lol.
This turned into a rant, but I don't mind; I just want to be open. I'm still not responding a lot to DMs here, though I am over on Discord. Tumblr isn't exactly a "safe space" for me right now. LMAO.
