Raven

Helloooo!

Here is a little bit about me. I'm currently in that scary bracket between 35 and 40. Trying not to think about it too much...

I go by all pronouns (She/He/They) depending on the day and brain space. Most of my friends and family stick to They as apparently it isn't always easy for them to guess based on my, as I believe, very cool dress sense!

I am fully on the spicy brain spectrum, so when I think about the fandoms I'm in, I suddenly realise I have a lot of hyperfocus fandoms and ships, but I am super okay with that.

A few of them though are: Supernatural; Marauders, with a touch of Drarry; Helleva Boss and Hazbin Hotel; The Starless Sea; Hunger Games; SJ Maas Universe; Rebecca Yarros Universe. I'm sure I'll add more as I remember them!

I am currently writing fics for Marauders and Destiel. I possibly will write some Drarry in the future, but nothing concrete yet. Keep watching this space.

I love being in these fandoms, but am very aware of the stigma that comes with being anyway connected to the Harry Potter world. To be very, very clear: FUCK "JAKE HAY ROWLING"! I do not endorse her in anyway. Which is why I am more than happy to make every single character in the HP universe queer in some way!

My music taste is extremely varied, but like any good queer human, I love David Bowie, Blondie, Brandi Carlile, Taylor Swift and Amy McDonald, The Last Dinner Party, Wet Leg and Self Esteem. But will listen to pretty much most genres and artists. I'm always on the lookout for recommendations.

I do have an AO3 and I will start posting my micros and long-form stories there. There will be a fix of ratings and warnings, as I do enjoy delving into the more explicit details from time to time. If you fancy it, drop on by and if you feel so inclined, leave some kudos and/or a comment. You can find me at:

I think that's probably enough to ramble on about for now, but the above is gonna change as I find more things to hyperfocus on!

If you wanna drop me a question, or just say hi, feel free. I love interacting with like minded, Tumblr weirdos.

First, Previous

*Knock, Knock*

Regulus looked up at the sound of the knocking and saw Alison Gillis standing in his doorway looking more than a little distressed.

“Alison? What’s happened?” Regulus asked as he beckoned her into the classroom.

“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” the poor girl sniffed and this close, Regulus could see just how red and swollen her eyes were.

“It’s fine, Alison. Have a seat. Now, I’m going to make you a cup of tea and then we can talk about whatever’s gone on, alright?” Regulus had put on the same soothing voice he’d heard Remus use when Sirius had one of his nightmares.

“Thank you,” she replied, her voice shaking as she sniffed some more. Regulus slid her a box of tissues before he dashed off to the English office.

“Where’s the fire, Reggie?” Remus asked him as he flew into the room and started making the tea.

“Ah, Rem, I’m glad you’re here actually. Alison Gillis is in my classroom, crying and so I’m making her tea. She seems like she wants to talk and given her current emotional state, I’m not sure leaving the door open seems fair.”

“I see. Well, thanks for letting me know. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but you know the rules, yeah?”

“Of course. I’ve got her sat in the chair opposite my desk and I’m not exactly known for my hugging, so that won’t be an issue.”

Remus nodded and went back to his marking as Regulus took the two cups back to his classroom.

“Here we go.” Alison accepted the mug of tea and it looked as though she had managed to stop crying, for now. “So, do you want to talk about what’s going on?”

Regulus watched as Alison took a couple of calming breaths, a few sips of her tea and then stared down into her cup as she spoke.

“I spoke to my parents.” Regulus could see her hands trembling and he stayed quiet until she was ready. “About not wanting to go to Oxford, I mean.”

“Ah, I see.” Regulus leaned back in his desk chair and quietly sipped his own tea.

“Mum was alright with it, but dad…dad wasn’t. He said that History wasn’t a real degree and I had to do Law so I could join his firm. I tried to tell him that I didn’t want to join his firm, but he just kept shouting about how I was a disappointment and would be letting down the family name.” Regulus’ heart was breaking for the poor kid. “It’s not the first time he’s said those things, but, you know what the worst part of it all was? Mum did nothing. She just sat there and let him say all these horrible things about me. She said she understood and then said nothing. It was horrible. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there like an idiot before I went to my room. We haven’t spoken all weekend.” The breath she loosed shook as she clearly tried to keep calm, but the tears were already tracking down her face. “What do I do now?”

“Oh, Alison, I can’t answer that for you.” Alison nodded as she pulled a fresh tissue from the box and Regulus had never wanted to hug a student more than he did in this moment. “I wish I could though, if that’s worth anything. What have your friends said?”

“They all said I should tell my parents to fu-lip off,” she caught herself before swearing.

“But?” Regulus encouraged.

“But if I do that, my dad will cut me off and I know it’s selfish, but it means he won’t pay my fees and then it won’t matter where I apply, because I’ll never be able to afford it.”

“Alison, there are grants and loans and I’d be more than happy to help you with those, if needed.”

“Would you?”

“Of course. That bit I can help with.” He gave her a small, reassuring smile. Regulus checked his watch. “I’m sorry, but I have a class now, but if you do decide you want to look at funding, or just need to talk again, please do come and find me.”

“Thanks, sir. For your help and the tea.” Alison forced a smile onto her face as she put the mug down and left the classroom.

“Oof.” James nearly walked right into the kid.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. You alright?”

“Er, yeah, yes, sorry, er, sir.” Regulus bit back a smile as he watched the girl try to hide her blush as she scampered from the room.

“What?” James asked when he caught the look on Regulus’ face.

“Nothing. What do you want?”

“Wow, already bored of me?” James joked. “I’m heartbroken.”

“I have a class, James.” Regulus rushed as he checked over James’ shoulder for early students.

“I know, just wanted to see if you wanted to grab dinner tonight?”

“And this couldn’t wait till lunch?”

“It could, but I missed you.”

“Bloody hell, you’re an idiot, you know that?”

The bell rang out in the corridor as James beamed.

“I know. So, dinner?”

Regulus sighed with a grin. “Eugh, fine, now go.”

“See you at lunch, Mr Black.” James winked at him and shot off just as Regulus’ next class began to filter in.

First, Previous

Regulus had never been one for public displays of affection, but as soon as he felt James’ hand slide onto his thigh, a little too high to be decent and squeeze, he was unable to recall just why he had always hated it.

Something hit him and he blinked rapidly. “What the hell?”

“Well, I was trying to get your attention and you had gone full space cadet.” Sirius stuck his tongue out and that’s when Regulus realised there was a rogue bread roll on the table in front of him.

“So you threw bread at me? What are you, twelve.” The bread roll was in his own hand and about to be launched back across the table when James was suddenly grasping it.

“Now, now love. Let’s not escalate this, shall we?” James was pulling the squashed roll from his hand with a fake, stern look on his face.

“But he started it!” Regulus protested with a heavy pout.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but that isn’t going to work on me.” James smiled at him. “I have a child, I have been dealing with the pout for 12 years.”

“Eugh, fine.” Regulus huffed and crossed his arms as he dropped the roll.

James leaned over and whispered into his ear so only Regulus could hear. “Good boy.” Then he pecked a kiss on his cheek and smirked as Regulus froze, blood rushing to several areas of his person.

“I’m sorry,” Remus interrupted the moment and they turned to look at him. “Did you just say you have a child?” Sirius and Remus were wearing matching shocked expressions.

“Oh,” James stilled. “Er, yeah.” Regulus frowned as he watched James deflate under the glares coming from the other side of the table.

“Did you know?” Sirius rounded on Regulus and he nodded in response. “And you’re okay with it?”

Regulus sat up straight and held James’ hand in full view of his brother and brother in law. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Cause you hate kids.” Remus said as though this was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You hate kids?” James asked, a bite of worry to his tone.

Regulus squeezed his hand tightly and spun to look at him. “No.”

“Yes.” Sirius scoffed.

“Shut up.” Regulus spat, before he looked back at James. “Not all kids. I’m sure Harry is great.”

“Harry?” Regulus turned to look at Remus.

“Yes, Harry,” he repeated with a shake of his head and gave his full attention to James. “I just hate some kids. Everyone hates some kids. Especially the kids at our school. But some of them are great.”

“That’s true.” James smiled weakly.

“Okay, change of subject.” Regulus beamed at James and watched as the other man’s smile grew.

The rest of the evening passed easily. James lit up as he told the others all about Harry and how proud he was of him. It turned out that Remus had already met Harry, as he was in his year seven class and confirmed that Harry was in fact an adorable kid. He had already made friends with the youngest Weasley boy and one of the girls in their tutor group, and they were gearing up to be a force to reckon with.

Late, when James took him home, Regulus was actually sad for the evening to be coming to a close.

He stood on his doorstep, twisting his keys in his hands and tried not to look too awkward,  but he knew he wasn’t pulling it off.

“Your nose is doing that scrunchy thing.” James pointed out, as if Regulus couldn’t feel his face twitching. “It’s very cute.”

Regulus sighed heavily. “I’m not trying to look cute.”

“Oh. What are you trying to do then?”

Regulus swallowed. “Nonchalance.”

James chuckled. “Of course. So, I had a really good time today.”

“Me too.”

“I was wondering if you’d want to do this again?”

“Sure.”

James huffed a laugh. “Wow. Way to make a guy feel special.”

“Shut up.” Regulus huffed his own laugh and smacked James’ arm. “I would love to do this again.”

“Do you have plans next Saturday?”

“I don’t think so.”

“How do you feel about the beach?”

“Erm, I guess it’s okay. I’m not a massive sand guy, but I’m happy to try, with you.”

Fuck that was sappy, he thought to himself, but James was smiling at him.

“Damn. Okay. Now I really do feel special.” James leaned forward and kissed him.

His hands snaked around Regulus’ waist and pulled him into his chest. Regulus threw his own arms around James’ neck and helped to deepen the kiss. James backed them up until Regulus hit the wall behind them and a soft moan left his lips.

James pulled back slightly and Regulus whined at the lack of contact. “Sorry love. But I make it a rule to never sleep with anyone on the first date. No matter how cute they are.”

 “This isn’t our first date,” Regulus tried to reason as he rubbed at the back of James’ neck.

“It is our first date. Friday doesn’t count because you didn’t know it was a date.” Regulus pouted. “I told you that doesn’t work.” James gave him one last, less passionate but still knee trembling kiss. “See you in the morning, Mr. Black.”

Regulus sighed but grinned. “See you in the morning, Mr. Potter.”

Regulus waved as James drove away and he had never been more excited for a Monday to come round.

A.N. Annnnnnd I'm back! So, let's get back to it shall we?

First, Previous

“Bloody hell!” Sirius screeched as the four of them ran for the cars that were parked what felt like a hundred miles away.  

When they had arrived at the theatre, the sun had been shining and it was promising to be a glorious evening. However,  when they left the theatre a little over 90 minutes later, it seemed the heavens had opened and a full on storm was raging around them.

They had made the executive decision to make a run for it and meet up at a diner down the road and were currently being drowned as some sort of punishment for said decision.

“We’ll see you there!” Sirius yelled as he dove into his car and Regulus dove into James’.

“Christ.” Regulus shivered as he sat dripping in James’ car. He looked over at the other man and saw him simply staring at him. “What?”

James was suddenly blushing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

“Are you alright?” Regulus asked with mild amusement.

“It’s just, you’re really pretty.” James gushed and Regulus chocked.

“Sorry?” Regulus had to bite on his lip to stop from laughing. “Did you just call me pretty?”

“It’s not my fault!” James exclaimed. “Have you seen you?”

“I look like a drowned rat, James.” Regulus protested as he brushed his wet hair from his forehead and tried to check his reflection in the small visor mirror.

Suddenly, James had a hold of his chin between his finger and thumb.

“You, Regulus Black, are fucking stunning.” James breathed across Regulus’ lips, causing Regulus’ breath to catch in his throat. “And looking at you, dripping wet, is very, very distracting.” James’ lips were so close as he spoke, they brushed across Regulus’ own.

“Is that so?” Regulus’ voice was so quiet he wasn’t sure if he had spoken out loud, but the smirk on James’ face assured him he had.

The kiss that James dropped on Regulus’ awaiting lips was far too quick, but beautifully delicate Before Regulus could melt into it, James had pulled away.

“Come on, let’s go meet the others and if you’re lucky, I may play footsie with you under the table.”

James flicked him on the end of the nose and laughed at Regulus’ squeal of indignation as he started the car.

Thank you so much, that is really lovely of you to say!

I do have some stuff posted. Some smaller fics and a slightly longer piece.

I haven't collated and posted the last mini-fic I posted to Tumblr, but that will be up soon.

I'm also working on two long fic projects, so watch this space!

Anywho! Regular posting will resume once I am back home next week!

First, Previous

“Alright, Pete.” James called out to the man in the barbeque truck.

“Jay! Two secs.” The man called back as he finished serving the people in front of them.

“Pete makes the best ribs, I swear, you won’t have tasted anything better.” James bragged and Regulus caught the blush on the other man’s face, though he was trying to hide it as he talked to the customers.

“Oh, I will be the judge of that.” Remus licked his lips salaciously and Sirius made a noise that made Regulus want to retch.

“Absolutely fucking not, Sirius. Don’t ever make that noise in front of me again.” Regulus demanded, much to everyone else’s amusement.

“Jay and friends.” The man, Pete, called to them as the women moved on. “Didn’t know you were gonna be here today. You seen your folks?”

“Yeah, we popped by a minute ago. These are the teachers I was telling you about, from my new school.” Remus and Sirius waved and greeted Pete and Regulus tried to match their energy, but as with James’ parents, he wasn’t sure how best to react. “This is Sirius, Remus and this,” James held his hand tight. “Is Regulus.”

“Ohhhh,” Pete smirked. “Yeah, yeah I totally see it. Total smoke show.”

Regulus choked and James looked mortified.

“Well, fuck, thanks for that mate.” James grunted and then tried to change the subject. “What’s everyone having?”

The rest of the afternoon passed by in a whir of laughter and stolen kisses that tasted faintly of barbeque sauce.

Regulus felt like he was a teenager again, running around with boys behind his parents back. Causing trouble with his big brother.

“You okay, love?” James asked as he wrapped an arm around Regulus’ shoulder and pulled him close.

“Yes, just thinking. I’m having a lovely time.” Jesus Christ. Why was he now acting like he was in some period drama. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said it like that.”

“I think it’s sweet. I like the way you talk when you get all nervous.” James teased.

“Oh, joy. If I’d have known just how like my brother you are, I would have found it easier to avoid you.” Regulus bit back his smirk and watched as James tried to search his face for the truth.

Years of lying to his parents made him a little too good at keeping the truth from his face. It had cost Barty and Evan quite a few hundred pounds before they stopped letting him play poker with them.

“Did you really try to avoid me this week?” James had stopped moving and Regulus had taken a few steps before he realised there was no arm on his shoulder.

“James?”

“Regulus,” James looked worried. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you had to come out with me. If I’d realised you,” James paused and Regulus started to panic. “I know I can be too much-”

Regulus rushed forward and grasped James’ face in his hands. “No, James. No. I’m sorry. I was just messing with you.” Regulus kissed him quickly before he continued. “I was only trying to avoid you because of how much I bloody fancy you and it scared the living daylights out of me how much I wanted you. That first day at the pub, I was trying to test the waters, see if you were even into men, but then you took that call and my brain went into overdrive and I convinced myself that you were married. That’s why I had to avoid you, not because I didn’t want your attention, but because I craved it.”

“Are you sure?”

“One thousand percent!” Regulus pushed up on his tiptoes and pulled James into a searing kiss. One that was returned with fervour.

First, Previous

Sirius was indeed extremely overdramatic about the whole thing and Regulus rolled his eyes more than once at his ridiculous older brother.

“Sirius, will you bloody well calm down. It’s not like I’ve never kissed a boy before.”

“Yes, but this is different!” Sirius exclaimed as he flung in his arms into the sky.

“How?!”

As he continued to argue with his brother, he became aware of whispering and low laughter to his left. Looking at James and Remus, Regulus could see the amused, guilty looks on their faces.

“What are you gossiping about?” Regulus demanded, inadvertently cutting his brothers rant short.

“Nothing, sweetheart.” The smile that James wore was beautiful and for a minute, Regulus was mesmerised by it.

“No, wait,” he said shaking his head. “That’s my trick and I’m not gonna fall for it.”

James kissed him on the forehead. “Worth a shot.”

“Reggie’s right. What were you talking about?” Sirus poked Remus as he spoke and Remus just swatted him away as he spoke.

“I was merely commenting on how alike you two are.”

“And?” Both brothers said at the same time, eliciting more laughter from the other men.

“Fuck you, both of you.” Regulus mumbled as he crossed his arms and sulked.

James wrapped him in his arms as the conversation carried on and eventually Regulus relaxed into his chest, enjoying the warmth and safety he felt there.

A short while later, Remus clapped his hands together. “Right, you,” he nudged Sirius’ shoulder. “Time for us to be getting home. That chicken isn’t going to cook itself.”

Sirius got to his feet and gave Regulus an odd look. One Regulus knew very well and so he got to his feet too.

He pulled his brother to one side and turned their backs so he could talk to Sirius privately.

“Siri,” Regulus started but he was cut off.

“It’s alright, Reggie.” The forced smile was not convincing.

“No, Sirius, it’s not. I really am sorry I forgot about family dinner. It was a douche move.”

“You were just excited.”

“Yeah, but that’s not an excuse. You’re my brother. You’re more important than some guy.” Sirius gave him a real smile this time and Regulus matched it. “I want to go to this event with James tonight and I also want to spend time with you. So, why don’t you and Rem come to this thing too and I’ll come over for dinner tomorrow?”

“I wouldn’t cramp your style?”

“Of course you would, but I still want you to come anyway.”

“Dick.” Sirius chuckled as he shoved his little brother. “Alright. If Rem is up for it, then I’m in.” Sirius spun around and shouted across the short distance. “Babe, we’re staying out. Chicken tomorrow instead.”

Regulus should have been surprised this was how his brother would check with his long suffering husband if he wanted to stay out, but he really wasn’t.

Remus smiled knowingly and nodded.

“You’re lucky he loves you so much.” Regulus observed.

“Oh, you have no idea, Reggie.” Sirius replied.

“Okay, so, who’s hungry? My mate Pete runs the barbeque hut.” James pointed backwards over his shoulder.

“Now we’re talking.” Remus rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Lead on, Macduff.”

First, Previous

James’ parents were lovely and they made Regulus feel very calm and relaxed around them. Monty told him all about the bees they had at home and how they only harvested a small amount of the honey to make their mead. Regulus was utterly fascinated by the whole thing.

As he was talking, he felt James edge closer to him and put a hand lightly on Regulus’ waist.

“Dad, mind if I steal Reg away?”

“Of course.” Monty smiled at his son and Regulus thought that something silent passed between them. “It was very nice to meet you, Regulus.” Monty held his hand out and Regulus shook it.

“And you, sir. Thank you for telling me about your bees.” Fuck sake, why did he sound like an excitable child. Regulus groaned internally at himself.

“My pleasure.”

“Don’t be a stranger.” Effie told him as she pulled him into a hug.

“Mum.” James huffed.

“Sorry, sorry.” Regulus didn’t think Effie was really sorry, but she was too nice for him to be angry at her for hugging him and she did give very nice hugs. “Jamie, before you go, will you be over this week?”

“Yeah, course. Is Wednesday alright? Harry wants dad’s help with a project for his geography class.”

“Perfect. We’ll see you then.”

Regulus stood to one side as James hugged his parents and Regulus gave them a small wave and smile as they walked away.

“Sorry about them.” James looked a little embarrassed as he rubbed at the back of his neck and Regulus was charmed by the moment.

“Don’t be.” Regulus reached out and took James’ hand as they continued to walk, delighted with the grin it brought to the taller man’s face. “They were lovely.”

“Oh, they’re the best.” James agreed enthusiastically. “I just wasn’t planning on introducing them to you.”

“Oh.” Regulus couldn’t say why it felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have dragged you over to them.”

James stopped them in their tracks, much to the annoyance of the people around them who nearly walked into them.

“Reg, no, that’s not what I meant.” James cupped one of his cheeks. “I’m glad they got to meet you, clearly they already know about you.” Regulus huffed a laugh. “What I meant was, I didn’t mean to introduce you to my parents an hour and a half into our second date and less than 30 minutes after you realised it was a date. Lily often accuses me of having zero chill, but that would be a bit too fast, even by my standards.”

“I see.” Regulus stepped forward and wrapped his arms around James’ waist. “I guess I was too excited learning about the bees to actually realise how it might look you introducing them to me so soon.”

“Exactly.” James rolled his eyes in jest as his own arms snaked around Regulus’ waist. “I didn’t know they were planning on being here today, or I would have suggested something else.”

“Really, James, it’s okay.” Regulus tipped up and lightly kissed James. “Besides,” Regulus smirked. “Your dad is hot, so it was definitely a bonus.”

“Oi!” James pinched Regulus’ side and Regulus actually giggled.

“What in the fuck nuggets am I looking at?”

The shocked exclamation had them both jumping and they looked around to see Sirius and Remus standing near them. Sirius’ mouth was hanging open as he took in the view in front of him, but Remus looked incredibly smug.

“Fucking finally.” Remus chuckled. “So, is this what you needed rescuing from? James’ lips?”

“Fuck off, Lupin.” Regulus muttered as he buried his head in James’ shoulder and all three other men laughed heartly.

“Come on, let’s go celebrate this joyous occasion with a drink and you can tell us all about how this finally happened. Sirius, close your mouth.”

Remus took Sirius’ hand dragging him off towards a drinks stall.

“So, needed rescuing, huh?” James teased.

“Only because I thought you had a family and that I was making a fool of myself and breaking my heart.” Regulus threw on his best pout and puppy dog eyes and, like it always did, it worked like a charm.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” James bent down and kissed him with everything he had and stole Regulus’ breath in the process. “Come on, let’s go find your brother before he has a coronary.”

First, Previous

“Come on, there are some people I want you to meet.”

James moved to stand up, but Regulus pulled him back.

“Noooo.” He protested. “Can it wait? At least until Sirius gets here?”

“Why?” Suspicion was written all over his face as he posed the question.

“Well,” Regulus crawled back into James’ lap. “I thought maybe we could find a different way to kill time whilst we wait for Sirius and Remus to get here.” Regulus practically purred as he laced his fingers into the hair at the base of James’ skull.

“As tempting as that is, love. We are kind of exposed here and it is the middle of the day…” James trailed off and Regulus came back to himself.

“Fuck, you’re right. Sorry.” Regulus scooched backwards and scrambled to his feet, holding a hand out to James to help him up.

A small thrill went through him as James took his hand but didn’t let go once he was standing. Instead, adjusting the grip so they were holding hands properly.

“Oh, the honey people are back.” Regulus exclaimed as they walked back through the many stalls and James chuckled.

“The who?”

“The honey people. I wanted to speak to them earlier about their mead, but there was no one there.”

Regulus dragged James over to the stall so he could talk to the older couple currently manning it.

“Jamie, what are you doing here?” The woman asked as they reached the stall and Regulus halted his movements.

He looked up at James. “Jamie?”

“Reg, meet the honey people.” The grin that James gave him was laced with slight nervousness. “AKA, my mum and dad.”

“This is him then, eh?” The older man asked and he had a voice as rich as James’.

Regulus found himself blinking as he looked at James’ father, taking him in. Regulus could see the family resemblance and holy shit. If this was James’ future, then sign Regulus up.

“I had the same reaction when I met Monty’s father.” James’ mother whispered to him and Regulus felt himself blush.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” Regulus stammered but the woman laughed warmly as she walked around to stand in front of him.

“Pish, don’t be so ridiculous, it’s only natural. Now,” she held her hands out to him and he took them. “Let me get a look at you.” She made him spin for her and then stared deeply into his eyes. “Oh, he’s a keeper.” The woman stage whispered over his shoulder and Regulus felt himself blushing harder, if that was even possible.

“Mum, leave him alone.” James chastised as he pulled Regulus into his side, but there was no real annoyance in his tone.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Effie, James’ is right. Leave the poor boy alone.” James’ dad, Monty, added with his own chuckle. “Now, did I hear someone say, honey?”

First, Previous

“What?” Regulus’ voice shook. “But…I thought…” Regulus couldn’t quite articulate what he wanted to say. Sentences seemed beyond him in that moment.

“Reg,” James brushed a curl of his hair behind his ear and stroked his cheek. “Lily is my best friend, or at least one of them, but she isn’t my wife.”

“Who’s Harry?” Regulus did know some words it seemed.

James took a breath. “Harry is my son. Lily is his mum, but we haven’t been together since he was one. He’s almost twelve.”

“So, you’re…you’re not married?” Regulus repeated, the question coming out as a whisper.

“No. Not married.” James said almost as quietly.

The space between them felt like it was becoming non-existent, James was so close to him now.

“And you’re not seeing anyone?” Regulus knew he sounded desperate.

“Well, I sort of thought I was seeing you.” James’ admission made Regulus’ breath catch in his throat.

“We’ve only known each other a week.” He replied weakly.

“I know,” James’ other hand was on his other cheek, both thumbs tracing soft lines over his jaw line. “But I have taken you out twice.”

Regulus’ heart was pounding in his chest. “Oh.”

“Reg.” James’ lips were hovering so close Regulus felt the breath on his own lips. “I’m gonna kiss you now, alright?”

“Alright.”

When James’ soft lips met his own, it was like an explosion went off in his whole body.

The kiss started soft and gentle, but at the first lick of James’ tongue at the seam of his lips, the passion kicked up a notch. Regulus opened his mouth and their tongues were instantly entwined, fighting for domination over the other.

Regulus pushed back against James and crawled into his lap. James’ arms instantly wrapped around Regulus’ waist, pulling him impossibly closer.  Regulus wrapped his own arms around James’ neck and threaded his fingers into the unruly mess of dark locks. Tugging at it and causing James to moan into their kiss and roll his hips up. The noise and sensation made Regulus whimper as he rolled his own hips down.

His phone ringing jolted them both back to reality and they both laughed as they tried to catch their breaths.

Regulus picked his phone up and saw that it was his brother.

“Shit. It’s Sirius.” Regulus scrambled out of James’ lap and the other man laughed at him. “Hey, Siri.” Regulus answered, as he tried to control his voice and breathing.

“Reggie, what’s wrong? Why do you sound out of breath?” The concern from his big brother made Regulus feel a little guilty.

“Nothing, I’m fine, I promise. I’m good.”

“Alright, well, Remus is back and we’re heading to you now. We’ll be about half an hour. Googs says there’s a carpark where you are, can you meet us there?”

Double shit. He had forgotten begging his brother to come get him.

“Well, about that,” Regulus started.

“Fuck sake. Regulus Arcturus Black, if you have dragged me out of my house on a Sunday when I should be prepping dinner, I will kill you.” Remus scolded through the speaker.

Regulus gasped and threw a hand over his mouth.

“Did you forget about dinner?” Sirius sounded wounded.

“I did. But I have a legit reason, I swear.”

“What’s going on?” James asked, clearly thinking something was wrong, based on Regulus’ reactions to the call.

“Siri, hold on.” Regulus covered the speaker and held it away from him. “Would it be vastly inappropriate to include two more people in our party and turn this into a double date?” Regulus grimaced, but he needn’t have worried.

James just smiled gently at him. “Of course, love.”

“Siri, Rem, I’ll explain when you get here, alright?”

“This had better be good.” Sirius warned.

Regulus took James’ hand. “Oh, it is.”

First, Previous

Gods, Regulus had been such a fool! How had he let this happen?

Not only was James married, but he had a child! This explained the need for a bigger car. Regulus hadn’t noticed a car seat or any signs of a small child, which meant Harry was clearly old enough to not need a harness or booster.

Regulus walked quickly through the crowd and he thought he heard his name a couple of times, but it felt fuzzy, like it was coming from miles away.

He found himself drawing near to a building and he rounded it so he could hide from the people who must have thought him crazy as he practically ran past them all.

He leaned up against the wall to try and catch his breath.

It wasn’t James’ fault. He was just trying to be Regulus’ friend and here he was making everything awkward. He never should have let it get this far.

From now on, James would just be his colleague. He would be friendly with him, but only so far as their working relationship required. He could occasionally socialise with him, if he knew that there was going to be a group, but no more one on one dates.

Not dates!

“Idiot,” he muttered to himself as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He felt his knees buckle and he dropped down the wall so he was now sitting on the ground and leaning against the warm brickwork.

Regulus pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a text to his brother.

You: Siri, are you busy? I need you to come get me.

He didn’t wait long for a reply.

Sirius Orion Black: What’s happened?? Do I need to hurt someone?? Where are you??

You: I’m fine, I’m safe and no you don’t need to hurt anyone.

You: I’ve been stupid and I need you to rescue me.

The typing bubbles flashed up a few times, but no reply came.  

You: Siri?

Sirius Orion Black: Sorry, just not sure if you’re fucking with me.

You: I’m being serious, Siri. Please?

Regulus felt the tears tracking down his cheeks.

Sirius Orion Black: Drop me your pin. Remus has the car right now, but he’ll be back in ten. Are you going to be okay?

You: Yes. I promise I’m not in any danger. Thank you.

Regulus shared his location with his brother and put his phone down as he hugged his knees tight to his chest and wept.

He was such a fool.

Here he was ready to parade around with James like they were some golden couple and all the time he was clearly taking advantage of a man who had a family.

Everything was so fucked.

“There you are.” A gentle voice made him look up and he bit down on his lip as he looked up at James. “Are you alright?” Regulus sniffed and James smacked himself on the forehead. “Clearly not, sorry. Is it alright if I sit with you?”

Regulus nodded and James sat down close to his side so that their shoulders were touching.

“What happened, Reg?”

Regulus knew he was biting his lip and cheek too hard, he could taste iron, but he also didn’t know how to tell James that he was sad at his own stupidity for letting himself start to fall for a married man. It was such a cliché.

“Reg, talk to me.” James encouraged as he reached over and took one of Regulus’ hands.

Regulus took a breath. “I’m fine.”

James used his pointer finger and thumb to tilt Regulus’ chin up so he could look him in the eyes. “Sweetheart, you’re sat behind the cricket pavilion crying and you ran away like you’d seen a ghost. You’re not alright and I want to help.” James continued to stroke his hand, but it was the use of a pet name and the gentle way James was now cradling his cheek that did it for Regulus.

“James, I don’t think I can do this.”

James gave him a confused look. “Do what?”

“This.” Regulus gestured between them. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” James looked crestfallen and Regulus didn’t know what to make of it. “If that’s what you want, then I will of course respect your decision.” James withdrew his hands but stayed close. “Can I ask one thing though?” Regulus nodded. “Why?”

Regulus took a moment to organise his thoughts before he answered.

“Because,” Regulus swallowed and James looked worried. This was it. He was about to lose James’ friendship, all because he couldn’t keep his stupid feelings under control. “Because I like you too much.”

James looked even more confused. “If you like me, then why wouldn’t you want to give this a go?” James asked sincerely.

“Because being your friend hurts too much. I want more and I know that it’s impossible and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get to this. I tried not to, I swear. I’ve always been too clingy. I’m sorry. I understand if you never want to speak to me again.” Regulus rushed out.

“Reg,” James breathed as he moved even closer and put a hand back on Regulus’ cheek. “Why is it impossible?”

Regulus reared backwards. “You’re married, James!”

James blinked a couple of times. “What?”

“I know about your wife. About Lily.” James laughed, actually laughed and Regulus was suddenly enraged. “What’s so funny about you suggesting I be your bit on the side?!”

“Reg, love, Lily isn’t my wife.”