Raven Marshal

You live. With sadness, depression. You don't have a person who you can trust. But finally, you met that person. The only one. The person who you love so much. This is the real love, which happened in life just once. You start to change. Every habit, everything what makes you evil. You cut it away. The monster you were disappearing, and someone who shines with a bright light appears. A new person. A new you. And you live, with him/her. And in one moment the person who you love tells you that he/she doesn't love you anymore. First, you are shocked. How is this possible? You changed, you tried to make his/her life better and now this happened? Later, you feel only the pain. The fucking acute pain, which rending your soul and mind. You start to hurt yourself. Cutting your skin, starving, screaming, crying. This pain is the worst pain you could have ever imagined. What did I do wrong? Where did I make a mistake? I thought it was a true love...

Yes... You thought. You. Because you loved truly. You love her/him with all your heart. You gave your heart, your mind, your soul to somebody else.

Now, you feel hate. For you. Am I such a big fucking monster that anybody can love me? What did I do wrong? You wish you could change the time. You wish you didn't love him/her so much. You wish to be someone else. Then maybe she/he could love me again? But they are just fucking wishes. You start to hate yourself. Hurt yourself. This pain is too strong. It rip you, cut you into pieces. Nobody can help you.

Hate. Hate. Hate.

Fucking hate. Why am I so fucked up? Why anybody can love me? Why?

Do you know the feeling when in one moment everything what you started to believe, what made you change everything in you for someone or something just gone? You started to believe how evil you are. How stupid you were, because you believed in love, good, happiness. You finally felt that you are worth something. That somebody can love you, the real you. But in one moment everything fell apart. Like a fucking house of cards. You can think "I will be fine, don't worry". But you know inside, that is only a lie. You try to live as normal as you can, but nobody can hide feelings inside and pretend to be fine all the time. Now, you feel only the pain. The acute pain which made you cry or scream. Don't try to avoid it. Just go away and scream, cry. Let it go. But remember, be careful who you trust.