under heavy co .

@ravagd    got    1999    wildfire   !

❛            AM    I    bein’    too    obvious            ?            ❜

* unprompted. / @gatesopen !

a peaceful moment in the hokage office?        that was certainly quite rare ,    which only made it feel even better as kakashi allowed himself to relax the tense line of his upper body for once.        it felt safe here (unlike most things do) ,    with the ANBU outside and the ninken sleeping right by the desk    ───    joined by the love of his life resting at his side.        there were various papers blanking up at him in anticipation ,    letters from influental people and the world…       yet kakashi had his entire world right here by him ,    wide nose digging into the sturdy outline of kakashi’s shoulder pads and posture uncharacteristically slumped.

it was also rare for gai to sleep before him (at least randomly during the day like this because he always complains it is ‘wasted’ otherwise) ,    but kakashi would never deny his lover the rest ,    not when sleep is a luxury only civilians can properly afford.        when gai is helpless with him like this ,    kakashi’s most intrusive thoughts immediately force the many ways in which he could kill the other man upon him (and he hates himself more every time).        some would argue that it is instinct ,    but all he sees are gears that have been oiled slick enough to almost spin out of control (which is the only time he ever wishes he could rather see blood).

a shinobi of the highest degree    :    so much power without a channel ,    dogged and never-before seen restraint .        to become the brain after living as the hand requires its own sort of reinvention     ———    a circle of salt in one’s own headspace (which could be deemed frightening all the ways).        similar to a child’s inability to direct its emotions at a young age ,    left to stew in it until the core of it has seeped through its pores and entered the veins    :    what become of it then?        has it been properly seasoned for the wolves of the world?        or is it overcooked enough to lose its appeal for consumption (by the world)?

squints @ . .. let sasuke destroy the system

a very big part of kakashi’s personality was developed by the shinobi rules , the guidebook of how a shinobi has to act that his father very harshly drove into him as a child (more on that here and also here) .  . but after his father passed , he had nothing and no one left as a pillar of support and thus held onto the only thing he knew : the shinobi system and its rules.

these are the the rules we know as excerpts as third party (minus one) :

rule #04. "A shinobi must always put the mission first."

rule #25. "A shinobi must never show their tears."

rule #??. "A shinobi must follow their commander's instructions.”

rule #??. "A shinobi must prepare before it is too late to."

rule #??. "A shinobi must never show any weakness."

all of these rules of course intend to shape every child from the academy to become a weapon for the state to use , to supress their emotions and just follow orders / fulfill their missions. kakashi put his everything into it to become that perfect shinobi , that perfect weapon of the state and that combined with his intense training in early childhood (also with the fact that war was brooding during most of his active duty as genin) made it possible for kakashi to climb the ranks incredibly fast , which rewarded him for following those rules .  . another fact is also that his father didn’t follow these rules once and he could see the consequences that , which only made him even more set on following the rules.

this was his very clear mindset from ages 6 to 10 , when he was promoted to jōnin and obito “died” , leaving him with a very clear change of mind as he vowed to heed obito’s wish of breaking a rule (#4) , but otherwise still tried to hold onto this structure that he spent his entire life worshipping .  . that is the mindset he kept until he got out of the ANBU at 22 years of age (though it is to note that while in the ANBU , his sense of duty was the strongest (as seen in this scene) and all other rules apart from #4 were strictly enforced on his side).