[drop-kicks @cajoled at everyone] [proceeds to get a drink]
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@ravagd
[drop-kicks @cajoled at everyone] [proceeds to get a drink]

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(living moving mourning lamenting and howling incessantly)
Anne Carson, from Decreation; âBeckettâs Theory of Tragedyâ (via atreides)
me, drunk and impulsive: how abt we give oursevles a new haircut tonight?
* devilfleur !
@ravagd  got  1999  wildfire  !
â       AM   I   beinâ   too   obvious       ?       â
   â  no ,  i think passion is a very good thing.     but donât let it blind you.  â
â~Enter this Middle Earth~â

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resting his head on kakashi's shoulder â
* unprompted. / @gatesopen !
a peaceful moment in the hokage office?    that was certainly quite rare ,  which only made it feel even better as kakashi allowed himself to relax the tense line of his upper body for once.    it felt safe here (unlike most things do) ,  with the ANBU outside and the ninken sleeping right by the desk  âââ  joined by the love of his life resting at his side.    there were various papers blanking up at him in anticipation ,  letters from influental people and the worldâŚÂ    yet kakashi had his entire world right here by him ,  wide nose digging into the sturdy outline of kakashiâs shoulder pads and posture uncharacteristically slumped.
it was also rare for gai to sleep before him (at least randomly during the day like this because he always complains it is âwastedâ otherwise) ,  but kakashi would never deny his lover the rest ,  not when sleep is a luxury only civilians can properly afford.    when gai is helpless with him like this ,  kakashiâs most intrusive thoughts immediately force the many ways in which he could kill the other man upon him (and he hates himself more every time).    some would argue that it is instinct ,  but all he sees are gears that have been oiled slick enough to almost spin out of control (which is the only time he ever wishes he could rather see blood).
and yet gai trusts him.    he trusts him with his heart and life and it takes everything inside kakashi not to be overwhelmed by the intimacy of that realization every time.    he has pushed his lover away so many times in this life ,  ignored and avoided him on purpose ,  called him a fool (yet it turned out that kakashi had been the fool all along instead).    to become a head out of a soldier from one day to the other was certainly not easy either ,   but kakashi would argue that he has spent a good while learning how to disarm himself now   âââ  it would still take many years to learn this way of life (tranquility and its domestic affairs) ,  but luckily he has a strong pair of hands guding his own every single day of it.
im not sure who all still goes here but @ravagd and i are up to no good đ
kakashiâs husband and daughter are Back and weâre all crying abt it
small bodies, mary oliver
[ID: âI know you know everythingâ I rely on this.â end ID]
Hbd old man,,,,,inspired by @heytherechief s art style so I tried to imitate it
a random bust for @vrulenceâ *kissy*
a shinobi of the highest degree  :  so much power without a channel ,  dogged and never-before seen restraint .    to become the brain after living as the hand requires its own sort of reinvention   âââ  a circle of salt in oneâs own headspace (which could be deemed frightening all the ways).    similar to a childâs inability to direct its emotions at a young age ,  left to stew in it until the core of it has seeped through its pores and entered the veins  :  what become of it then?    has it been properly seasoned for the wolves of the world?    or is it overcooked enough to lose its appeal for consumption (by the world)?
only they would know ,  they without parental tongs pulling them out of it .    hate in itself is a strong emotion (but where would they be now without strength?).    with all the similarities they share ,  he had always been convinced that sasukeâs departure from konoha could not have been avoided   âââ   yet he is confronted with the same answer every time   :   everything could have been better if he had been better (though he hopes it is not too late to make amends nonetheless).     â  i never told you about my losses in the end.  â     so to whoever was dealing out karmaâs cards ,  he truly wished theyâd take this personal gutting in consideration even if he admits to using his insides as a bait (yet they were all animals either way ,  so he deems it clever more than anything else).

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you all: haha kakashi reads p*rn
me: kakashi reads icha - icha because it is the closest thing to love he will ever experience without needing to confront his fear of physical intimacy in order to feel anything even remotely romantic or intimate but Sure
so basically what iâm trying to say is donât judge kakashi for reading his damn novels while youâre reading fan//fics for the same reason hdfjdgjhghj
what if i revamped this blog...... hahaha just kidding........... Unless
Work by: @irenedkw
4.48 psychosis, sarah kane

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sutoikku replied to your post: * effect(s) of the shinobi system !
squints @ . .. let sasuke destroy the system
hjkHKJHKF i need to answer this seperately because listen . . kakashi would literally stand up against Anyone that threatens the system because in his mind , he is NOTHING without the system ! people could explain to him how fucking dumb the system is (and theyâd be right) and it would fall onto deaf ears . . as hokage even , heâs only willing to do reforms and would never even think of bringing down the system and it kills me h h h h hhhh hh
* effect(s) of the shinobi system !
a very big part of kakashiâs personality was developed by the shinobi rules , the guidebook of how a shinobi has to act that his father very harshly drove into him as a child (more on that here and also here) . . but after his father passed , he had nothing and no one left as a pillar of support and thus held onto the only thing he knew : the shinobi system and its rules.
these are the the rules we know as excerpts as third party (minus one) :
rule #04. "A shinobi must always put the mission first."
rule #25. "A shinobi must never show their tears."
rule #??. "A shinobi must follow their commander's instructions.â
rule #??. "A shinobi must prepare before it is too late to."
rule #??. "A shinobi must never show any weakness."
all of these rules of course intend to shape every child from the academy to become a weapon for the state to use , to supress their emotions and just follow orders / fulfill their missions. kakashi put his everything into it to become that perfect shinobi , that perfect weapon of the state and that combined with his intense training in early childhood (also with the fact that war was brooding during most of his active duty as genin) made it possible for kakashi to climb the ranks incredibly fast , which rewarded him for following those rules . . another fact is also that his father didnât follow these rules once and he could see the consequences that , which only made him even more set on following the rules.
this was his very clear mindset from ages 6 to 10 , when he was promoted to jĹnin and obito âdiedâ , leaving him with a very clear change of mind as he vowed to heed obitoâs wish of breaking a rule (#4) , but otherwise still tried to hold onto this structure that he spent his entire life worshipping . . that is the mindset he kept until he got out of the ANBU at 22 years of age (though it is to note that while in the ANBU , his sense of duty was the strongest (as seen in this scene) and all other rules apart from #4 were strictly enforced on his side).
after that , he became slightly more relaxed as a teacher as well , but even problematic rules that could cause emotional damage (like #25 and the last one up on the list) are still rules he lives by , refusing to show weakness or cry in front of others because it was the only sense of structure he had as a child and thus feels that if he lets go of it , his whole life would come crumbling down with it . . that is also a reason why kakashi cannot look at the shinobi system critically , because he has worshipped it all his life and the system was the only thing to ever validate him as a child , a feeling that he craved so badly and no one else gave him . . he has dedicated his life to it and thus ever trying to make him understand how these rules could be potentially damaging to his health would be very hard as he has no sense of himself as a human and only a soldier made to serve the village and fulfill his duty as a shinobi of konoha