He follows a pattern to tell some truth when it suits him, primarily motivated by his own inadequacy, when he feels slighted and emasculated.

His motivations are made ambiguous from the way he made his coming out. It starts with Ruben pushing him to talk and then, whether motivated by throwing off the scent off of him or Alby's push, he is there sitting in the one situation he dreaded his whole life.

But Ruben is nothing but accepting. This moment he couldn't believe would happen which he made his whole life around, is shattered, leaving only him and his fuck-ups. He can't wrap his mind around it, and Ruben is only proud, smile a real smile you can only dread what Niall might come up next, what would be the hang-up he would desperately cling not to crumble under his own bitterness over his life. Ruben swoops in, giving back to him the same amount of raw vulnerability he displayed.

For once, I truly believe they felt accepted and seen. A taste of what could have been.

The Mona slip up happened during the only moment that felt genuine between them, after confessing their love to one another.

He felt guilty himself for having gone behind Ruben's back, but he's a self-destructive man, and his fatal flaw is to think he could evade Ruben's violence which he always somewhat redirected towards everybody else.

" - Those kinds of secrets they'll destroy you from inside out. - They won't if I tell him. If I wipe the slate clean."