Rate the Date

Let's flashback to a date that was successful, eh?

January of 2017, I matched with a guy on Tinder. And I recognized him as a guy I matched with on CMB but I never responded. After some playful back and forth, we went on our first date at a hotel bar. Mind you, this was while I was heavily studying for my first boards (I thought of it as a study break).

I got to the bar, and here was this tall, built guy with nerdy glasses. I didn't even have time to take my hands out of my pocket and he dove in for giant bear hug. It was very warm. We talked for about a couple hours until I had to leave because my stomach started to hurt. We kept texting back and forth, and he was very understanding of my ridiculous schedule because he himself had to go through boards/exams/clinic schedules because he was a resident in ER. Our next date was at a crepe spot for lunch, where he started showing me gross pictures of things he had seen in the ER. We started to open up to each other, sharing some more personal and deeper subjects like religion, Asian parents, cultures, etc.

The third date is when things started to get more interesting. We met up for dinner, but it was a Friday night, and the restaurant we wanted to goto was way too busy. He asked if I was down to go a little further for some Korean fried chicken. OF COURSE IM DOWN FOR KFC, ALLDAYERRDAY. So we took the T and went down to Chinatown. We start walking towards the restaurant and when we arrived, it was closed. We missed it by 30 minutes. I could see the panic in his eyes since it started to snow outside. He quickly yelp-ed another KFC spot, called them to check what their hours were, and we walked another 15 minutes to the new restaurant. All this for some KFC. Anyways, yes, I ate with my fingers for some friend chicken on my third date with a guy I haven't even slept with. It was great. We rode the T back after dinner, and when we hugged goodbye, he grabbed my waist and kissed me and whispered "I like you" in my ears. The kiss was very expected. Third date, go in for a goodbye kiss - very textbook. The whisper however was not expected and I actually got really cringy and I laughed. He gave me a peck on the cheek and sent me home. It was very adorable coming from a six-foot bear.

From then on, we usually met up at his apartment and went out to movies, restaurants, cliché date things. The "relationship" lasted until end of May when I had to leave for my rotations and he was getting ready to leave to California for fellowship. We both said maybe we can try long distance, but neither of us actually tried. It was definitely fun while it lasted! But I think it was just unfortunate timing. Also he was definitely a player.

First date of the year, and I think I fucked it up. I have been talking to a guy since late November, but I’ve continuously delayed or cancelled dates because December was a crazy month for me. But he seemed to understand, and texted first numerous times to see what I was up to, how my weekends were, etc. Honestly, I’m not in a dating mood these days, so I pretty much sucked at responding and continuing our conversation. The last time we talked was before Christmas, and I completely forgot about him (oops) until he texted sometime last week. There has been few times when I kept pushing dates off, and basically the conversation gradually halts. But this guy! Was persistent! And wanted a coffee date too! So I said, fuck it, fuck my hormone-less body right now, let’s give this a try.

We decided to meet at a “new” coffee shop that opened in NYC that he wanted to try (I love that) at 11AM on a Saturday. I’m coming from NJ and had plans to hang with some friends Saturday afternoon, so that worked out perfectly. I headed out with plenty of time to try to find parking in the city, but everything started going wrong. There was an accident on the bridge, so traffic took longer, I also got stuck behind a garbage truck and found myself stuck on one avenue for 15 minutes, and finding parking was abnormally impossible with all the unmelted snow on the streets. All in all, I was going to be pretty late. I text him I was running late, and if we could push back to 11:15. He said of course, and told me to take my time. I ended up showing up at 11:30.....

When I saw him, I greeted me with a smile, and I immediately felt comfortable. I felt terrible for being so late, but he assured me that it was fine (boy I hope it was, I still feel bad). Our conversation back and forth was fun and entertaining but it wasn’t flirtatious. I honestly felt like I was talking to an old friend and we were just catching up with life, which isn’t a bad thing! But it lacked that oomph, that spark, that nervous feeling...maybe it was because I’ve been talking to this guy since November? No, I think it’s just me and my lack of desire at this time.

We hung out for 2 hours. Time passed by really fast, and when we said bye, I could tell that overall, the date went alright. It was comfortable. It was smooth. 

He texted first after the date, and told me to hit him up again when I’m in the city, or that he’ll hit me up when he goes to Boston (he’s from Boston). I’ll take that as a good sign! But I’ll be going to the city pretty much every weekend until February, but I’m not sure if I’ll hit him up. Should I? Isn’t comfortable good? Or is that bad? How am I supposed to know? Should I go on a second date?

So many questions...but the real question is, where are my hormones?

Might as well begin my first post here with my worst/funniest/creepiest date experience. Let’s go back to Spring of 2016. I was on a roll with fun dates back to back from Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel and even a mutual friend. I was starting to enjoy first dates! it was fun getting to know someone, learning about what people would like to know about me, messing with their brain and sometimes telling innocent lies. It was exciting and I loved the adrenaline rush.

One day, I matched with a guy on Coffee Meets Bagel. We chatted on the app for a bit, very casual back and forth. I noticed that we had one mutual friend from college, someone I KNEW, but was NOT close with, which is why I said yes to a date in the first place! The mutual friend is relevant in this story so we’ll call him “Dancer Boy”. He asked me where my favorite bar was. I told him about this dingy corner bar where they had awesome beer selection, but it was cash only. We set a date. And the night came.

I arrive first, and I’m waiting by the door. From the end of the street, I see a shadow of a shorter guy. Didn’t think much until he started waving at me. It was him. His profile said he was 6′1″. He was shorter than me. He lied by a FOOT. His height wasn’t what disappointed me, I’ve gone on many amazing dates with shorter guys! But he lied (by a FOOT), and that was not a good start.

We sit by the bar, I order my favorite beer, and the first thing this guy says is,  “Sorry I’m late, I just came from a company outing and had a couple drinks already”. Oh. Okay, that’s great, wonderful. But here is the second thing he says.  “Hey, I noticed you’re close with “Dancer Boy”! We’re good friends since high school!” To that, I responded, “Not really, I just know him from college.” Him: “Wait, but you went to his graduation! You took a photo with him. I saw it on your facebook.” …..Well. We ALL facebook stalk, but no one BLATANTLY mentions it as a hello on a first date! Me: “Oh…I was close with other people in his class, so maybe that’s why you saw that photo!” Him: “But you also danced with him a few times for KASA right? I’ve seen the videos” This is when I realized something was off about this guy. Go ahead, facebook stalk all you want, but…please don’t TELL ME about it all! Him: “I’m driving back to Chicago in a couple weeks. You should come on the road trip with me so we can visit “Dancer Boy” together!” And this was in the first 2 minutes of our conversation. I knew the date was going to be bad the moment I saw his shadow, but the moment this guy opened his mouth, everything got worse.

You would think this may be the worst part, but oh no, you are so wrong.

He whips out his phone. Opens facebook messenger. And messages “Dancer Boy” right in front of me - “Hey guess who I’m on a date with? You know JJL?” I thought I was in a prank. Everything as a blur. I chugged my beer down and asked for another. I guess “Dancer Boy” was near his phone, because he responded very quickly, with something awkward like, “oh haha, that’s cool” or something. Maybe it was something else, but my brain has done a good job of trying to block out my bad memories from this night so I might be distorting me memories a little here.

After I chugged the first beer down, we continued to talk, and I was trying to figure out how to run away from this date. I looked at the time, barely 30 minutes past. What’s a good excuse? Should I just run for it?

My chance came when he said he needed to use the rest room. I took my phone out, called my roommate and without even saying hello, I told her to call me in exactly 10 minutes, no questions. She knew I was on a date, so she agreed.

He came back to the bar, and sat down, but….when he sat down, he put his hand on my thigh…I crossed my legs to get his hand off. All I was thinking was “Is it 10 minutes yet? Okay, just a few more minutes and I’ll be out of here. Almost there.”  It felt like ETERNITY. Then there it was. Louder than a school bell, my phone started to ring on the table where I purposely left it. I picked up and made up some bullshit excuse about a birthday party and hung up. My roommate on the other line was silent, just casually listening to me making up things and responding to my own statements. It was perfect.

When we were about to leave, he realized he didn’t have any cash on him, but insisted that he wanted to buy tonights drinks. I did NOT have the patience, so I took out my money, paid for both of our drinks and headed out. Boy was I unlucky, because his walk to the train station was the same direction as my apartment. I continuously rejected his offer to walk me home, and when we said our goodbyes, he came in for a hug. I thought it was a hug. But then his face came VERY close to mine and I realized he was coming in for a kiss. So I couldn’t take it anymore. So I literally pushed him back and said, “NO. Bye.” and walked away without turning back. It was so satisfying.

That night, I get a super long text from him apologizing for his “behavior” and begging to take me out for a nice dinner. But he earned his spot on my “Blocked” numbers for the first time in a couple years.

All in all, I walked away alive from the date having chugged two great beers and a great dinner/party conversation topic.

I’ve always had an idealistic scene of what I wanted my first kiss to be like. I think the closest scenario is represented well in the movie called “What’s Your Number”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrZbLkWGLmQ. The scene above is probably my ideal scenario because I had a HUGE crush on this older oppa for 2+ years. And this guy LOVED basketball. So...I learned to love basketball. What does that mean? I made my brother teach me about the NBA. I memorized all the teams and their rosters. I found my favorite players and favorite teams. I asked my friend Justin to literally TEACH me how to play basketball and horse. I played 2k with my brother during the holidays. It was ridiculous the lengths I went to to like something that this dude liked. It was to the point where I actually was able to hold legitimate conversations about the sport and actually wasn’t a bad player.

But I idealized this guy too much. I froze and said stupid shit whenever we interacted and I would avoid him in real life because I didn’t know what would potentially come out of my mouth. Also, I talked about him A LOT so everyone and their mother, including him, knew that I like him. He was not my first kiss.

It was after KASA Show 2014. I realized I was a senior. 22 years old. Almost graduating college and haven’t kissed anyone in my entire life. Like GIRL, come on. So I heard from a friend, that this random Asian guy that lived in the building next to us thought I was cute during a smoke session. I had heard of this guy but had to look him up to figure out what he looked like. 

If you have ever performed on stage, you will know the adrenaline rush that happens after you finish a show. Everyone is READY to party and go ham. And in usual Northwestern fashion, the afterparty was at WABA. The guy who thought I was cute was there. And with my LIQUID soju courage, I went over to him and introduced myself. I spit my basketball expertise that I learned from trying to impress my crush and trash talked / teased him about his fav team and players. He asked if I play basketball and I said not really but I have never lost in HORSE. I ended the conversation saying that we should play sometime and exchanged numbers.

Then the buses took us all back to campus. Me and my friends went to Burger King for drunchies and I get a call. “Yo are you ready?” It was the smoke sesh WABA man. I asked “Ready for what?” He wanted to play HORSE and said he would be outside of 620 (my apartment) in 10. I made up some stupid excuse to my friends and ran back to my apartment to change from going out clothes to basketball shorts. And he was there with a basketball. He said we were going to the Plex courts.

We got the courts and he set rules. Every time someone misses and gets a letter, they have to peck the other person on the cheek. The person who loses the entire game has to kiss the other person on the mouth...so there’s really no loser. This dude actually had some game. OKAAAAAAAYYYYYY smoke man. Also by this time, I was sober and he was crossed so in the beginning of the game, I was dominating. But unfortunately, he started to get good and I lost at the end. Begrudgingly, I had to go in for the kiss in the middle of a basketball court at 3AM. We sat on the bench and talked a little more. The kiss was honestly not the best, maybe because I was sober? Maybe because I didn’t know him or really like him? Pros: the situation was definitely 10/10. 

Cons: He definitely wanted to do more but after we made out, I said I wanted to go home. He asked if I didn’t want to go further because I was Christian smh. At the end, he asked if he should hit me up again, and I said “Do whatever you want.”. I thought I would never see him again but I saw him 1) before I graduated awkwardly on Sheridan but did not make eye contact, 2) Sound Bar when he came up to me drunkenly and asked “remember me...?” like a creep 3) Coachella but for less than 30 seconds interactions 4) him moving to LA -_-

Hopefully this story is over. But since he moved to my city, we’ll see...(5.2014)

After thinking too much about a certain fuckboi, I was given advice that the only way to stop thinking about a guy is to think about a different guy. From the same friend, I was also told that online dating at 25 is casual and fun but fast forward to 2-3 years later, it’s way more serious. And I don’t want a looming cloud of marriage and commitment hanging over my head when I go on my first online date.

I’ve always had Coffee Meets Bagel because I thought it was fun to go through guys like a menu to see what’s out there but I never really talked to anyone or met up with anyone. But I decided to go for it. Literally the next day, I matched with a guy whose first chat to me was “Wanna get coffee sometime?” I said “Wow ok sure!” And we met up that night because I didn’t want to lose my spontaneous confidence over the course of a few days.

So I gave my mom the coordinates of the crepes place that we were going to meet up at. I walked in and he was definitely not as cute as his picture. Stocky body type and slightly awkward movements. Shorter than what he put on his profile. But because I just worked out + showered and had the post shower glow, I was feeling myself and confident. I asked him how old he was and found out he was a year younger with a sister my age. Already, my posture changed due to being a “noona”. Pros of the date: it was never awkward, no silences, both of our first online date, and both of us were actually trying hard to get to know each other. Cons: the content of the date. I didn’t know someone could want so LITTLE out of life. I always thought I wanted a guy who was down to chill and not really do much at home, but I was wrong.

I thought he was cool from his profile because he was an animator for the game, League of Legends. Went to Pasadena Arts Center. But when I asked him about anime / animation / cartoons, he said “I watched Pokémon and Digimon a bit. And watch a few Miyazaki movies”. REALLY. It’s your craft and job! But okay fine, maybe not everyone is into anime. Then I asked “What do you do on the weekends?” he said, “I go home to family and go to church.” Me: “Oh nice! Are you close to your family? You hang out with them a lot? Do you serve at church?” Him: “No, we are in the same house but we don’t really like hang out. And no I don’t serve at church, I used to...but I got too busy with work and I live far from home”. I’m thinking, ‘too busy with work..ok I get that. my first year I did nothing but work. Okay then “What do you do for fun? Traveling? Hobbies?” He said “No traveling is tiring and I used to play video games but I don’t really anymore.” He asks me and I talk about dance/kpop/music/friends/family/movies/traveling/etc. Back to him, I asked “Have you dated before? Do you go out with friends” and he responds “No never dated (just like me). Also, didn’t really drink in high school or college or even now. Sounds tiring.” BUT I swear, it seemed like he was really trying so it wasn’t like he was being short or bored with me.

Finally, I asked him, “What’s the most exciting thing you did the past 5 years?” I gave him FIVE years. Give me something to work with man. The conversation is below:

“Oh last year I went to Lake Tahoe”.  “Oh! Did you go snowboarding? Or skiing? Ride a boat? Or any water activities?” “No, we watched the lake.” “Oh! You mean fishing?” “No, me and my acquaintance watched a lake.” “Oh! Did you and your friends rent an Airbnb and just chill out and eat in a cabin?” “No. Me and my one acquaintance just drove from LA (10+ hrs) to Lake Tahoe. Sat in our car and watched the lake and drove back down” “............................................oh nice.” By then, I was done.

At the end, he asked if we should continue talking or meet up again. I said “I guess...sure? But let me know how OTHER dates with other girls on CMB go!” He got the message.

I’m glad I ripped off the online dating bandaid in 2017. I definitely thought less about the fuckboi due to this date even though it was meh. Not a bad experience for sure and I’m less scared of meeting strangers now. (12.2017)