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growing order sucks. and i am saying that as someone who loves birthdays - ironic no? because growing up means you will for sure distance with some of the people you never thought you would distance from. and that is sad yes. but you know, everytime i eat a muffin i am reminded of my bestfriend who used to call me that, and everytime i say Allah jee i remember a college friend who said exactly that. friendships might fade, but the impact they left on you doesn’t. and maybe thats the real treasure?

i know you think i barely remember things about you. i wish that was true. its not. i remember the tiniest details. how you always carried tissue paper and how your face has a small dimple near your neck and how you always make anyone feel included and how theres a particular way you like your coffee. i remember everything - simply because its about you. but honestly, i don’t have to try to remember all these things. its a reflex. its like breathing. its hard to forget someone who means so much, no?

this is my favorite pipeline ever like someone knowing you as friends and then wanting to be something more is so libterating in a way that - oh, you saw me through that? and you want to STILL do life with me? its like being accepted but make it 10 times better. but its also like ‘is the friendship worth ruining?’ which is so hard. of a choice. because if you tell them you might lose everything. but if you don’t, you still might lose everything, you know?

sobbing over handwritten notes, always wanting sweet treats, wearing the same necklace everyday, loving it to bits when someone sends you food, feeling cute w jhumkas on, non stop yapping (with the right people), working so hard to prove your worth, non stop hair playing on good hair days, recording EVERYTHING, always wanting flowers, doing dumb tiktok trends, taking constant flower pics, adoring cute little things people do for you

i know all of us have felt it. i know this because everyone i meet has a fear of ‘i am replaceable’ even when no one really is replaceable, you know? like everyone thinks someone better will come along and take their place - and it doesn’t matter if its a relationship, friendship whatever. everyone has this innate fear of being replaced. but you know, no one can replace who you are. like at the very core, no one can be you. so the next time you think I’m replaceable, remember that if you were that easy to be replaced for someone else, maybe they were never worth your time<3

who writes letters? well, i know you will always love them. i know you still have the ones from years back stored in your memory box. you never stopped being a hoarder, did you? can you still not start your day without coffee? you know, i am proud of you, for coming so far. for not giving up - even when things around you were collapsing. even when you felt alone. you did well, you did everything 15 year of you dreamed of when they thought 'i'll do this when i'm older'. i hope you're happy, happier. you deserve it.

it feels empty. like eerily scarily empty. like yeah, the usuals are in place - the sofa, the bed. but it used to look so much happier. or maybe it was always this glum and our presence made it better? it was our happiness that made this a happy place? but now you're gone, and with you, the happiness went. it feels like the place is soul less. ugh.


it doesn't happen over a day. over a month. it happens in bits and pieces. when you realise you no longer know their favorite restaurant, or are they even okay - because sometime during those months they stopped calling, texting, replying. it hurts. but like, was it even going to last? if we had such different lives that it seemed like there was nothing to talk anymore. maybe not. but. i thought we would be friends forever.


coffee. and flowers for no reason. going on a drive with your mom - just because you can. getting your parents something they love. the malai part of the coconut. when your lip oil looks perfect. opening a package you were waiting for. doing a working and your boss tells you 'great work'. flights. and travelling. and everything in between. getting hot chocolate. hugging your best friend. or calling her. smiling at the phone at a stupid notification. pancakes that are divine. croissants. watching a sunset. someone making you laugh after you have cried. goodluck messages from your brother. just. life.

most days are overwhelming, not in a bad way. just in a way thats like ‘im too young to be doing all this and maybe im doing it all wrong’ and then you hear your boss say ‘im so proud of you’ and ‘you will be missed’ and it stays with you. because for every second you were doubting yourself, someone was rooting for you. because they trusted you enough. and thats what matters.

ugh, we throw this phrase around all the time. sometimes i start to despise it. because in all honesty - no one chooses to be out of their comfort zone. its the necessity of life. be in one place for a longer time and you will start to despise it. a lot. so when you think you’re choosing to get out, you just really had to. otherwise you would be too bored and too drained and too confused.

hey, um, i am trying to find words to greet someone who i gave everything to and they left me in shambles, and nothing seems right? i hope you’re well. do you still like hot chocolate from that one place? i am trying to change topics - because all i really want to ask is why? why would you hurt me? why did you claim to love - when you clearly couldn’t. or was that love? if it was, its quite shitty. idk, bye. dont hurt anyone else like you hurt me - they might not be as strong? but more so because no one ever deserves it.

and they know my favorite color, but like, the little things? the painting i love the most and why or which coffee i want to drink - like you know, the things you remember only when you know someone? i think no one will ever remember those. it hurts. because i remember things for others like its second memory? maybe i ask for a lot.