Never Been The Kind To Let Them In

I look at others and I feel so sad for myself. I’m just existing. And they are living. They are able to move on and get ahead in life but all I do is stay stuck in the past and suffer

It’s getting bad again but it never even got better.

The way I think of it is that I’m completely worthless and people don’t even give a fuck about me but if anyone bothers to waste their precious life on me it will only be to hurt and break me because for some reason I’m not aware of, that’s all I deserve and am destined for

I’m such a horrible person, I deserve all this pain and agony I’m in. Maybe that’s why I can’t die, because I need to suffer for my sins

I cannot remember the last time I had a good nights sleep. Sometimes, I lay awake being tortured by all my thoughts. Even if I get some sleep, I wake up every two hours. If not this, then it’s the nightmares.

To think I had the audacity to believe that someone would want a person like me. But life always shows me the reality and that is that I am meant to be alone. I am an unlovable piece of garbage, nobody is ever going to want me. And the sooner I get that into my head the better it will be for me.

Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

Sometimes I wish my poor mental health would manifest physically so people around me would take it more seriously

i want to go home. i will always want to go home. even when i am at home i want to go home. but i’m not really thinking of a place, it’s more that feeling of everything finally being over, of seeing the light in the windows of your house on a cold night, of being safe, the relief of leaving a party you’re not enjoying, like when you felt sick at school and they sent you home, or when you got upset at a sleepover and they called your parents. i want my mam to come get me. i want to go home.