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take me Back to the Night we met

To anyone pissed on the wife who cannot apologize for saying bad things to Dushik because her husband died. Have you ever lost the love of your life who you have promised your future with. Gone in a second and leaving you alone with your child. Until you understand how that feels - to have your whole world and future shatter, you'll never have to question why she didn't apologize.

To anyone questioning why Dushik is beating himself up because of something "petty." Then maybe you should try to care more. Because the more you care about people, the more devastated you get when they get hurt. The more you blame yourself and wished you could have done more for them. You get stuck with the what-ifs and the guilt eats you.

To anyone who has judged Hyejin for being so conscious of a "social standard" then you must have never felt embarrassed or ashamed that you are lower than your peers. Good for you. But try bending down and understand that there are unprivileged people who had their prides broken in pieces so now they have to defend themselves to others by continuously proving their worth.

His inner demon was himself so the only person that could really allow him to heal was HIMSELF and he did it!

it isn't grand, it isn't loud, it isn't forceful.

what it is is gam-ri halmeoni quietly leaving food at du-shik's doorstep. what it is is hye-jin calling her stepmom's braised potatoes delicious and her stepmom holding onto that moment for years to come. what it is is du-shik eating hye-jin's shitty cooking with a genuine smile on his face. what it is is gam-ri halmeoni feeding JUNE in a way only grandmothers can. what it is is i-jun giving a dalgonna heart to bora. what it is hye-jin sitting down with her parents and du-shik at a raw fish restaurant and finally feeling like a family.

Jagiya.

It also means oneself. It feels like I’ve become you and you’ve become me in some way.

To me, Hye Jin and Du Sik are proof that healthy and freeing love exists. They are the kind of love I hope to have. A love that supports, a love that stays, a love that heals, a love that warms me to the bones. A love that will never let me feel lonely.

“I’d love it if our shoes were always side by side at the door together.”

“i like her as a friend.” ★☆☆☆☆

“i've lived for 34 years without you, but each day seems to last forever since i've met you.”

it’s there, isn’t it? or at least something like it, drifting beneath them like an undercurrent, a slipstream.

it’s how du-sik always notices when hye-jin enters or leaves a room. it’s how hye-jin knows he’s about to cry from a look. it’s how they sit at dinner, close, sleeves brushing, but not quite touching. it’s how hye-jin is half-turned to him in every scene, how du-sik is so aware of her anytime she’s near. it’s how she notices he’s hurt, how she notices he’s sick, how she turns to watch him walk away. it’s how he sees mi-seon at the set and then immediately looks around for hye-jin. oh, you’re going for drinks, for lunch? let me join you. never mind that i said i didn’t want to, that was before i knew you would be there.

it’s how their interactions must be casual, otherwise they have to give it weight, give it meaning. i’m going to call you a rhino when you bump into me, because otherwise i’ll have to think about how it felt to have you close. i’m going to bicker and laugh at you while our hands touch, otherwise i’ll have to look at you and i can’t do that. it’s the way the camera doesn’t linger every time they touch but only when it matters, only when they can no longer pretend that it doesn’t. your hands on my face; you leaning in to kiss me; you holding me while i cry, when i’m frightened.

it’s how they linger here, in this halfway place between love and indifference. when i nearly kiss you, i’m going to hit my head and call myself crazy. when i stare at you in the store, i’m going to shake my head and tell myself to get a grip. i’m going to call this anything other than what it is. this is not love; it’s just kindness or attention, and i don’t care that they all mean the same thing. just don’t make me call it love.

it’s how i can’t even fit it all in here, because otherwise i’d be talking about every second they look at each other. because isn’t that what love is? not something bright and blinding, but a constant, steady attention?