Members of the following fandoms: Disco Elysium, Hadestown, The Jekyll and Hyde Musical, Death Note Musical, DND, Good Omens, The Magnus Archives, Six of Crows, etc. Writer/Artist. He/they, 21
It's wild how many non-Jews legitimately think that Ashkenazi, Sephardi, and Mizrahi are like, racial designations, and not cultural and liturgical traditions primarily defined by things like "do you eat beans during Passover" and "how many verses does Adon Olam have" and "is it very lucky or very unlucky to name a child after a living grandparent."
Like I want you to seriously imagine a world where people who think of themselves as both progressive and educated were regularly posting takes that said things like, eg. "uh... you can't be Episcopalian if you're Black lol. Episcopalians are from England??" Ok? Are you imagining that? Yeah, pretty batshit, huh? I need you to know and understand that treating the Ashkenazi/Sephardi distinction as though it is a racial one is about a million times more ridiculous than that. It's like imagining a clean racial division between "Episcopalian churches that have an organ" and "Episcopalian churches that don't have an organ". It's like if you tried to invent a new sort of congregational phrenology based entirely around the percentage of teetotaler church attendees, or how often people liked to sing "Come Thou Font."
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"what are you a cop" is bookaziraphale's entire mindset btw. "is it very angelic to hoard books and be mean to customers" what are you a cop? "should you really be married to your adversary" what are you a cop? "should your husband be parking his car there" ah you ARE a cop. explodes your ticket notebook with his mind. like in his mind if the lord herself doesn't come down to tell him off he's doing just fine. because he's doing it. and if she DOES come down (where is the flaming sword I gave to thee) well then. what is she a cop
book Crowley: you’re an angel, you can’t do the wrong thing
book Aziraphale: you are absolutely right. everything i do *is* the right thing
book aziraphale really took ‘do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law’ and ran with it
[ID: The first add-on shows tags from pronouncingitwang reading "#it is soo fucking important that not only did he lie to god #he thought it was so important that he wrote it in as a correction to the bilton and scaggs bible he wanted that shit printed+distributed" and the last add-on shows tags from indieninja92 reading "#MY BOY #as i like to say 'aziraphale did nothibg wrong... but not through lack of trying' #the greatest angel ever to sincerely attempt to shoot an eleven year old in the face" /end ID]
And when he knows he’ll HAVE to help the cops, he’s desperate to leave so that he WON’T have to help the cops!
[ID: A snippet from the Good Omens book. It reads “There was the sound of a siren outside, abruptly broken off as a bullet hit it. Aziraphale nudged Crowley.” The next part is highlighted, and reads “‘Get a move on,’ he said. ‘We're going to be knee-deep in police at any moment and I will of course be morally obliged to assist them in their enquiries.’” /end ID]
oh my god i just saw her get onto an airship with a woman whose tophat has at least twice as many sprockets as mine. i will be killing myself with an elaborate pneumatic pistol tonight
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Yeah man, this wizard sleepover is cozy. I just saw a guy gently clap his hands together and say "hot beverage conjuration" or something, and suddenly everyone was holding a perfect mug of their favorite warm drink in their hands. Nobody who was already sleeping even woke up, that's how cozy it is. I'm over here casting pillow and level 2 pyjamas. I think I just heard "power word: blanket fort" two groups over. I gotta get in there.
this wretched world uses volumetric measurements for stuff like strawberries. HOW MUCH AIRSPACE OUGHT I TO STRIVE FOR??? HOW DO I KNOW HOW MUCH OF THE VOLUME IS STRAWBERRY??? BECAUSE I KNOW ITS NOT ONE HUNDREDPERCENT!!! cant we lock in and use grams??? Fuck! !!!! but no because of Big Measurement we all have to stock bullshit like 1/3 cup measures instead of just. a scale. one scale that we could measure everything in. fuck.
this gripe is entirely separate from my thoughts about the general (US) public's refusal to just switch to SI units alreadyyyy. but rest assured. i have thoughts.
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this was submitted as a one sentence horror story, but it feels like it could be an old jewish joke, like the one about the two rabbis proving g-d doesn't exist or the saying 'people plan, g-d laughs'
Even more, it sounds like the beginning -- the set-up -- of the joke. Can’t you hear Carl Reiner opening a bit with this line, or Shalom Aleichem using it to kick off a story?
Well I'm not quite an old Jewish man just yet, but let me give it a shot...
Losing confidence in Himself, G-d became an atheist. He decided to go down to Earth, to walk among humans and see how they found meaning.
He wandered the world until he came to a town, where he happened upon a pastor. "Come to our church this Sunday!" said the pastor. But G-d shook his head. "I don't believe in G-d anymore," he told the pastor sullenly. "And besides, I really shouldn't be working weekends." . . .
He continued wandering, and as night fell, he realized he had no money for a hotel. Walking down the darkening sidewalk, he passed many shivering folk, some young and thin, others old and worn and grizzle-bearded, looking not unlike himself. Just as the rain began to fall, he happened upon a priest. The priest looked him up and down, and said, "You look cold, my son. We're hosting a men's shelter at the church tonight; you can sleep there, and come to Mass tomorrow." This time G-d agreed. He slept well and was warm, and in the morning sat for Mass. They blessed him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, but he felt beside himself and decided to leave.
By this time G-d was quite hungry. He stopped by a deli, but still had no money, so all he could do was watch the fresh steaming bagels be made. On a bench outside the deli, a man was eating a bagel with lox. As he finished eating, G-d noticed there were still some scraps of food on the waxpaper. Unable to help himself, he asked if he could have the scraps, before the man threw it away. "Please sir, I'm so hungry. I'd just like that crumb of bagel there, and that little shred of lox. I think I could make a bisl of fish last quite a while." The man shook his head. "I cannot in good conscience give you my trash," he said, "But come inside, I'll get you your own bagel. I'd offer to get you coffee—but that's trash too."
So the man bought G-d some breakfast and sat with him on the bench. "Thank you so much," said G-d. "How can I ever repay you?" But the man just shrugged and said, "I'm a rabbi. Buying bagels I don't get to eat is part of the job description."
G-d thanked the rabbi again, and ate in silence. "Rabbi, can I ask you a question? I feel I haven't been on this Earth too long, but already I've seen much misery. How do you do it? How do you still believe in G-d?"
The rabbi pondered this. "I believe in joyful things. I believe in kindness, and people choosing to help each other. And isn't that a kind of godliness?" (G-d suspected there was a bit more to godliness than that, but he let it slide.) The rabbi continued: "I've prayed to G-d every day for the last 30 years, and I will every day til I die. And if He answers my prayers, all the better! But tell me, my new friend, what's your name?" G-d hesitated and said, "It's a little hard to pronounce..." The rabbi chuckled and said, "No matter. Say, it won't be anything like Shabbos dinner, but my wife is baking a delightful fig pie today, and I'd like to have you over for dinner to enjoy it." G-d nodded. "I do like figs..."
That evening, G-d sat for dinner with the rabbi, the rabbi's wife, and their four children. The meal was delicious, the rabbi's family was incredibly welcoming. Their conversation was friendly but never prying, and the children laughed and played with each other. Several times, the youngest child tugged on G-d's sleeve for his attention before her father motioned for her to go play with her siblings. G-d began to see what the rabbi had meant about the joyfulness of life.
At the end of the night, G-d stood up to leave, and felt renewed. The rabbi said, "My friend, don't leave us so soon!" And G-d replied, "I will always be with you, for I am the Lord Your G-d." And they understood it to be true.
He had done this sort of thing a few times before and generally knew how it went. As expected, the rabbi and his family fell to their knees, weeping with joy and awe. He did not expect the youngest child to walk right up and tug G-d's sleeve again. He smiled graciously down at her, and she looked up with the wonderful bright eyes of a child who understands nothing but the urge to play. In a high voice, she said, "Knock knock!" G-d couldn't help but laugh. "Who's there?" He replied cheerfully.
Suddenly from across the room, the rabbi swore loudly and rudely. Dismayed, G-d asked, "What troubles you?" He saw the rabbi was trembling, half in rage and half in embarrassment. "I'm sorry Lord! Thank you for this, thank you so much for gracing us with your light, Baruch Atah and so on, it's just..." The rabbi swore again. "Thirty years of daily prayer, Lord, and a KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE is what you'll answer?"
hey captain-acab, this is the highest compliment i can bestow: it would not have surprised me had i found that story in a book of traditional fables in the shul library
Look, someone has to be the first to make up any traditional Jewish story, why not @captain-acab? If we all keep telling it, then in a generation or two it'll be traditional.
when white history bros go 'um well actually the atlantic slave trade was ALSO the fault of the people in Africa because they were the ones selling their own and they had slavery too' i want to hit them with the
but i think maybe. they would not like that so much.
I'm not gonna articulate this well, but there's this phenomenon I keep seeing on the left that I'll call "bean soup rhetoric," wherein someone fails to understand that they are not the target audience for a particular message, or just can't conceptualize why a speaker would craft their message differently to resonate with a target audience that doesn't already completely agree with them.
"The 'God Made Trans People' billboard is stupid! God didn't make me! I'm an atheist!" Okay. The billboard sits along a major highway in Kansas. We can deduce that the target audience is not you—it's the centrist evangelical Christians driving along that road who could probably be persuaded to become allies as long as we choose our words carefully and don't make them feel attacked for not already knowing everything about trans rights issues. Another one I see a lot is, "We shouldn't be talking about how right-wing legislation catches [privileged in-group] in the crossfire when [marginalized out-group] suffers far more!" I know. I agree with you. Which is why you and I are not the intended audience of this argument!
The entire point of rhetoric is to win over someone who doesn't already fully agree with you. In this case, let's say that someone is Jennifer, the moderate center-right mom in your neighborhood who doesn't really know or care about transgender issues but would be absolutely horrified by the idea of her teenage daughter having to submit to an invasive inspection of her body just to be allowed to play soccer. Tell her, "Banning trans students from sports will inevitably subject all student athletes to invasive gender-policing," or "Legal restrictions on gender-affirming care will make it harder for you to access the hormone replacement therapy you take to treat menopause symptoms," and she is more likely to question her existing beliefs and listen to the rest of what you have to say than if you lead with leftist talking points that she already has a calcified opinion about or which she thinks do not personally affect her.
Tailoring the argument to the things she already cares about does not mean we're forgetting that she has more privilege than most—entirely the opposite, in fact. A privileged ally can be extremely valuable. Jennifer votes in every election. And so do all the other ladies at her book club, and church, and in the PTA, and those folks listen to Jennifer. There's a reason both parties were courting suburban women so hard in the last election cycle! If we can find common ground with her on this, if we can get her calling her representatives and talking to her friends and phone-banking and door-knocking and making a stink, that's how the needle starts to move. If I can convince her to take her support away from the candidates who are actively restricting my rights and throw it toward those who want to restore and expand those rights...then I'm sorry, but Jennifer is a more valuable ally to me than the people who agree that the legal boundaries of gender ought to be abolished altogether but refuse to actually do anything except complain online about how both sides are equally bad because the right is trying to force everyone to drink the cyanide kool-aid while the left keeps serving bean soup and they don't like bean soup
All right guys I don't know if it's going to make things better, but action needs to be taken so I have changed the pH level of the entire ocean to negative 100. I'm not a scientist so I don't know what that will do but I'm hoping for the best
Hi. This thing you've made seems to be mostly hydrogen ions (protons). It's 10^(107) times more acidic than water. Every liter of water has 10^(100) protons in it.
In the entire ocean, that'd be about... 1.322*10^(112) hydrogen ions.
If we round that down to 10^(112), then this is 10^(32) times as many protons as there exists in the observable universe.
Every single proton in the universe would make up 10 decillionths of -100 pH water.
From the space it'd take up I'm pretty sure this would invent never-before-seen isotopes of heavier elements that usually have, well, neutrons, in a fucked up sort of fusion reactor. Oh, and we all die.
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A HANDY CHART FOR THOSE OF YOU WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THESE. NOTE THAT THESE ARE ALL THE INFORMAL AND YOU IS THE FORMAL SO LIKE YOU WOULD ALWAYS ADDRESS YOUR SUPERIOR/ OLDER PERSON/ SOCIAL BETTER WITH YOU BUT WITH YOUR BUDS YOU CAN USE THESE.
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