THIS HAS TO STOP. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO HUMILIATE ANYONE.
I thought a lot before posting this but I think this is long overdue. Besides, someone has to say it. So here it goes…
Have you ever received comments from someone such as “Anong nangyari?”, “Uy parang tumaba/lumaki ka”, “Diet diet pag may time/mag-diet ka naman”, not to mention the worst comment of all “‘Uy kumusta na anak mo?” Or “buntis ka ba”? If yes, I hope you were not emotionally affected and just ignored it and moved on with your life. But I will definitely understand if you took them pretty bad. Or are you someone who just casually blurt out these comments? If yes, then I feel sorry for you. You are someone who needs to take a step back and assess your values. Unfortunately, some people will never learn how to appreciate and will always look for flaws. It’s human nature as they say. A sad truth, really. But one can control this if they want to.
When I was growing up, I never really paid attention to what people say and minded my own business. I was an introvert and had very few friends. Typical school-home set-up. But over time, things changed and people around me did too. Like a normal highschool student, I started paying attention to how I look, act and talk. It’s also because I had a reputation to keep - to remain a fine woman, respectable and demure. When I finished college, I immediately applied and took a job a month after graduation. I never wanted to be stagnant and I would always keep myself busy. And this is where it all started - the stress and pressure of corporate life, the early morning and late night travel to and from work, and the endless need to excel and prove yourself to others and the need to conform to what the society dictates.
As humans, we are wired to be mindful of how we dress, act, talk and behave around people. We are so careful so others won’t be able to say anything bad towards us. We change the way we dress, wear more make-up, go to the gym and lose weight and everything else that make up to what you think will make others appreciate you even more. Most often than not, we become “robots” and just follow what others do and say just because we think it’s the right thing to do. And when things don’t go the way you want it to be and you don’t feel appreciated, it breaks you to the core. I feel you. I definitely do.
2 years ago, I started gaining weight. I got so tied up with work (with too much travelling) and felt too much pressure that I started to use food as comfort whenever I feel stressed. I also lost the motivation to exercise and eat healthier because I was too tired. I spent my weekends just resting and sleeping because I feel like I’ve used up all my energy on weekdays. This went on and on until people around me started to notice and asked. I would always say I’m stressed and don’t have time to be physically active. Because it’s true, every job can be physically and emotionally tiring, you know. We all have our own ways to cope and you can’t expect everyone to be so cool about it.
So why do we really bother asking why someone gained/lost weight, what changed and why they don’t look like how they used to be? These kinds of prejudice and feeling the need to “call out” what you don’t like or not used to are totally unacceptable. You have the right to look and assume only because it’s unavoidable, but you don’t have the right to comment in any way you want to. Just because you think it’s okay to point out that something changed doesn’t give you the right to do so and humiliate someone regardless if you did it while others are around or not. Have you ever thought of how someone would feel whenever s/he is told that something changed? What if s/he went through/is going through something serious? What if s/he has health concerns? What if that is his/her only way to cope with a stressful life? Never assume it’s okay to point out someone else’s flaws (even if you are dying to), because it is never okay. It may destroy someone’s self-esteem and you’ll never know that you caused it. Give that person the chance to see for him/herself and let them decide. In this matter, no one owes you anything. SO PLEASE STOP MAKING YOURSELF FEEL GOOD BY MAKING OTHERS FEEL BAD.
To those who were body shamed and received negative comments about your physical state, it’s very difficult to hear these hurtful comments, but never ever let others dictate how you should look. There is no need to conform to how the rest of the world wants you to be, but change yourself because you want to, not because others told you so. You are beautiful, and everyone should feel confident about themselves.
We still have a long way to go in promoting body positivity and creating a non-judgmental environment where everyone is comfortable to be themselves and doesn’t pay too much attention to what others will say. Nevertheless, let us not forget that any form of body shaming may completely affect one’s state of mind. Let us all be mindful and think before we act and avoid putting someone in a bad emotional state. Every single creature was beautifully created and you should learn how to appreciate. Otherwise, just SHUT UP, K?
