Like I said I do want to talk about the Pyro shipping discourse, and while I was planning on waiting for everything to calm down, but I'm being reckless and talking about it now.
I want to start this statement off by saying that this isn't a critical analysis. More me talking about my emotions. I'm a teenager who doesn't know how to properly deal with my emotions surrounding all of this. This isn't a statement on whether Pyro should've made this boundary or not; it's only about how it makes me specifically feel.
This is all coming from a place of my own trauma. Like some of my friends who follow me on here know, I was doxed last year. It was a very upsetting situation and, to put it simply, only came about because I didn't like a ship someone more than 10 years my elder did like. (I won't specify further for the fear of the person this is about, figuring out this is me and me getting harassed and doxed again) Because of this, I've gotten a fear that if I say or do the wrong thing online, it can ruin my future career. Simply because someone might dislike me.
I've considered deleting this Tumblr in the past, even though nothing bad has ever happened to it aside from one slightly strange ask once (This was only one single ask being rude, if you had an ask that I didn't respond to, this was most definitely not you. For the rest, I've only ever gotten really sweet asks. I've not been responding because I've been overwhelmed, not because any asks were upsetting.)
That is why the whole situation with Pyro saying that people should make tickets. The fear of me saying something that has no bad intentions getting taken out of context and leading to hate, and me getting banned from the Discord and Twitch scares me. I've seen how negatively people have responded to someone who said they didn't know how to feel about the shipping thing, and it scares me. The fact that people are willing to be this horrible to others simply because of a video series scares me.
I spoke with some friends when the statement about the shipping was just made, and agreed that I personally didn't really care for the ships that much anymore, either way, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me. But now I feel like if it would have been a big deal for me, I'd have gotten in trouble. I asked clarifying questions in the stream that spoke about the shipping, and got really aggressive responses from people in the chat when all I wanted to know was how things would move going forward.
I told my friends that while I didn't think I would keep posting on my tumblr that I didn't plan on deleting it, I knew the feeling of sadness when I fic I liked even an unfinished one was deleted, and I didn't want to cause that feeling to others, but my fear of getting harassed on here has gotten a lot worse, which has made me reconsider that.
I'm afraid making this statement can cause me to get banned from the Discord and Twitch, even though I don't mean any harm to anyone. Because, while I don't have a Discord account linked to this Tumblr, some people know of the connection.
I think it's been made clear that I do not plan on finishing any of my shipping fics. And honestly, I don't plan on finishing any of my non-ship ones either, since they give me the same anxiety as the shipping ones. I don't plan to pivot my account to any of my other interests, since I doubt any of the people who follow me are here for anything other than vampires. Especially since my other interests don't relate to mcyt. (I don't think you guys would want to listen to me yap around tarot.)
I do not plan on posting any pyro stuff until I feel like it's safe to do so again. Which might never happen, as my anxiety is very bad, so even if it were safe, I probably wouldn't feel it.
To sign this off, please be nice and respectful to everyone. There is frankly no reason to send people rape and death threats, ever. And I send all my love to the people who are being attacked by horrible people for something as unimportant as this. While I know this isn't what Pyro intended, it is what is happening, and it scares me.
Please take care of yourself. Much love, Nalo.
