R€NA!$$ANC€✌A£CH€M!$T

Like they’re evil,I don’t think boys can love like girls do!

All my life I have been disappointed in them. currently i’m 17 years old,and want to tell you all about them.

In my life I have only liked 4 boys and when I think about it it’s kind of funny,if it weren’t so depressing!

To start with first boy I think i liked,and notice how i say “think”,it’s because i was ashamed to like boys,because it was awkward to me.i was about 9-10, and he was kinda popular,I think everyone liked him,and that is what caused me to like him too.He was from small town,which is my mom’s hometown. It was easter and we were going back to her home,on the way there,there was a big fuss about someone dying tragic death,someone young,someone full of life ,and than there it was,it was him…

I actually don’t remember how i felt or what i did,but I remember whole town crying.RIP to my first crush ever.surprisingly he’s the one who broke my heart least.

Second one… he’s the one who i think i really liked,and I consider him my first crush,I know it’s confusing,just stay with me.so i was about 13-14 when i “met” him .and for the first time in my life i felt like someone actually liked me.i met him online (ik it’s weird),we got along fine.he was kinda of dirty minded but I didn’t give a crap because I thought he was perfect. I told my “bff” about him,but for some reason she decided to allegedly say-“Nuka is ugly anyways,I don’t think she can have him”- after this she texted him,liked his photos and stories,and worst part is that it worked! He texted her back. I didn’t know this was happening behind my back,eventually me and her had fight for some different reason and that’s when I found out all about what she did.I deleted him,but added him back 2 months later.I changed myself for him,curating what he liked and gutted myself out to fit “his type”.but we didn’t even had “contact”. I wanted him to like me so bad,that i did everything embarrassing that girl can do like creating fake boyfriend account to make him jealous(which worked),and even confessed my feelings to him.but he rejected me,rightfully,because he really didn’t know me,and after all we had never seen each other IRL.i loved version of him that i created in my head,im sure if anyone would ask him about me he wouldn’t be able to remember me because im sure i meant nothing to him,im just hopeless romantic, i liked him for years since then,even today I think about him,the boy who saw me as a woman.

My third crush was punk,he had electric guitar,big mullet,eyeliner and was my friends friend, he was actually really touchy,but whatever,I decided that liking him would help me forget about my second crush ,but it didn’t work so after a week I stopped liking him,plus that I found out my other friend liked him in past,so whatever.(this year I found out he’s gay,and has a bf.no wonder I liked him we both love lady gaga,but it pisses me off how did i not know he was gay)

I genuinely hate my fourth crush! I met him at my friends birthday party,he seemed nice and talked to me about everything,we got along well. When we started texting i was the only one asking about his day,interests and ect.from time to time he kinda started fat shaming me but i ignored it (I know I’m stupid).but i genuinely thought he liked me,even bought matching shirts. So he likes rock music,and there was a classic rock concert in my town,me and my bff were going,she was bringing her other friend,and i thought I would ask him too! When I asked him he told me he was going on date! And after he got back from date he told me everything in detail!!!!

After that i stopped texting him because he had a girlfriend.

In the autumn I saw him in the metro,and I’m not kidding when i say this,I ran away! Later that day he texted me,asking me why i did that,but i just dodged the question.

Then he told me he was looking forward to my friends birthday,and asked me if i was going to be there(i was ofc going).

On the day of the birthday I got there late,they were playing some games,i said hi to him and sat on the other half of the room.he was looking at me every time i looked away.

I talked to him after games catching up and stuff. Birthday got kind of boring so they decided to play another game-pass the ring-.

So I don’t really know anyone there,but on the first round they gave me a ring for being the most annoying one there,which really hurt my feelings,than I turned to ask him if he felt i was annoying,and in front of everybody he said i was!

After that I just stayed to myself and was on my phone when they gave me that fucking ring again! When i stood up to give my ring to another they revealed the question and they gave me the ring for-“who do you think needs dieting”-implying that i was fat pig, at that moment i wanted to die,but I got ahold of myself and just walked away. Every girl whom I didn’t know defended me,everyone asked me how i was feeling,I told everyone i was okay,but deep inside I wasn’t,i just wanted HIM to follow me and ask me how i was. But he didn’t say anything to me or those people who treated me like that! Even if he doesn’t like me,as a “friend” he should have asked me if i was alright,if total strangers can do it so can he!

After that i swore i would never talk to him again,and after a while when he sent me a comment and told me this is so you,i just flat out told him to leave me alone.

So this is my horrific experience with teenage boys,wouldn’t wish that up on my worst enemies,i hope I wasn’t too annoying❤️.