* RAGE / FILLED

{ @ragefulheart }

Armitage had been working on Cecilia’s upcoming charity event for weeks, and now that the city was finally back to normal, he knew they couldn’t wait any more time. It was an art auction, and Armitage had to agree that it was such a good idea. So know he was in charge of finding young artists that were willing to donate for the cause, and of course, get their names out there and probably get important clients. It was a win-win situation. The ginger walked into the gallery, looking down at his phone to check any messages when he bumped into someone way taller than he was. “Sorry, mate. I didn’t see you there.”

    though much had changed within his life since certain events had played out, his passion for art had not once ceased. this was a place where he could finally do what he wanted -- be who he wanted. whenever kylo heard of an art gallery that was going to be on display, he always made it a mission to check it out. opening one of his own had been a dream, at least with his false memories. even with his memories back now, it was still a dream that he wanted to accomplish. frowning when he felt someone bumping into him, kylo turned his head, prepared to snap. when he noticed just who it was, he paused. “--general??”

there was a joy in feeling so wholly loved, at the completion of their tiny family with him back in their home. emotions mixed, raging inside of her heart as she tried to keep herself in control. “— CAN I SHOW YOU ?” her smile was still innocent, unsure that she could get herself to summon the words or pass them between her full lips. tilting her chin up, she captured his own lips in a rather heated kiss and allowed her free hand to curl into his dark hair. 

   well -- definitely not the response that he had been expecting. kylo had assumed maybe she needed him to grab something, or whatever. but he was hardly going to complain about this one. kylo wasted no time in returning the kiss, hands moving to cup at her cheeks. he should have assumed that innocent little smile of hers had just been show. not that he minded. this was better than aurora asking him to do anything else.

“—– IT’LL HELP A LOT,” she said honestly as she looked to her boyfriend, leaning up from her position on the couch to kiss him in return. a hand held onto her belly, pulling back just enough after the kiss to rest her forehead against his. it was incredible beyond words to have him back, here with her — to hold him, to KISS him. a rosy blush appeared on her pale skin as cheeks warmed. “there’s something i need, but i’m a little EMBARRASSED to ask.”

    a smile slowly spread as their forehead rested together, hand reaching out to settle atop of hers. he regretted pushing her away as he had done after everything that had happened. in his mind, that had been the best solution to everything. even now, he still wasn’t sure if he was even worthy of being loved like this. not after everything he had learned. “you don’t have to be embarrassed to ask me something. tell me what you need.”

@ragefulheart || closed

BB had nothing but bad memories when it came to Kylo Ren. She knew the man had killed his own father, Han Solo, and had been responsible for Finn being in coma. However, the lack of human emotions had prevented the little droid to judge so far. She had been a machine and not able to decide who was good, and who wasn’t.

But DC had changed that. So, when walking through the streets in search for Rey, the little droid froze when spotting Kylo in short distance.

“Not good….” Wide eyes stared at him as the redhead bit her lips. A lot of thoughts were running through her head, and it was hard to listen to them all while her instincts told her to just turn around and leave.

“Not good… what should BB do now?”

    glancing around as he walked, his eyes fell across a girl. for some reason, there was a familiarity there that kylo couldn’t quite put a hand on. she seemed familiar, yet he was fully aware he’d never met her before. answers would be useful in this situation, and there seemed no better way to gather them than to finally approach her. it was clear that she was staring at him to, though he was unable to pick up on what she was saying.

“That’s actually a decent idea, wish I would have thought of that before I did anything”

   “at least you’ll think of it next time whenever you attempt it again. things go far faster when you have others help.”

She noticed his mild discomfort with amusement. Not because she was sadistic (like Joffrey,) but because she was playful. “It’s about a man who’s set to have a normal life, and then is whisked away into a fantastical world.”

   that sounded interesting, actually. a bit of the exact opposite of the situation he was currently in. “that actually sounds rather intriguing. i wouldn’t be against reading a book like that. is it discussed after everyone reads it?? i’ve never really been to one of these things.”

@ragefulheart​  

    He wanted to be alone. Jacen was no coward but.. after everything that had happened, he wanted nothing more than to be alone. Memories kept flowing into his head, memories that he didn’t know were real and.. he couldn’t be near anyone right now. So, leaving his phone at home - Jacen ran, taking residence at a nearby hotel, hoping that not even Jaina would be able to find him there. As much as it hurt to be away from his twin right now, it hurt even more to be near her. Especially with the memories that he kept remembering with time, even more when he slept.  Eventually deciding that he had to step out of his hotel room or he would go mad, Jacen sighed - running a hand through his hair as he grabbed his backpack and walked out of the door, deciding to go for a ride on his bike.. hoping it would help. But of course fate was still a bitch and he couldn’t be at peace, not for long. Running into his brother Kylo right as he walked out of the hotel door, Jacen grunted, turning around immediately.. but it was of no use. The other had already seen him. “ You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me. I come here, to get away from everyone and yet… I run into my least favorite person in the world. I must be the most unlucky guy in the whole galaxy. “

    of course, the last person in this entire galaxy that he didn’t want to see would magically appear. this was the last thing he needed right now after everything that had happened. he and jacen had never gotten along before, and he knew that would never change. not now. glowering at his brother, kylo took a step back in order to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. it was tempting to just walk away and forget everything now. sure, they had seen one another, but it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to just walk away. there was nothing that kylo had to say to jacen. “cry me a river,” he snapped. “oh yes, it must be so hard being jacen. as if i want to be near you right now myself. do remember the galaxy doesn’t revolve around you.”

Send me &*& | accepting

Send me &*& | accepting 

a sigh sounded from aurora’s lips, certain that it was laced with the hopelessness that had burrowed deeply into her chest. crystalline hues shifted to him, hating everything about this moment. certainly, she’d dealt with kylo when his moods took a downward swing, but something about this felt so fundamentally DIFFERENT that it threatened to steal her breath. a hand drifted downwards, fingertips moving over her stomach. there was always some comfort in knowing that she was now never alone in anything, the presence of their baby filled her with purpose. 

“—– I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU,” her words were soft now, unsure that she could regain the bite that laced her speech just moments prior. a long breath was taken in through her nose, needing a sip of her sprite to ease the nauseating undulation of her stomach. a part of her wanted to raise a hand, to slap his drink off of the bar just to watch the glass shatter against the floor. still, she thought better of making a scene and looked to him as he spoke. “you can read my MIND now ?” aurora asked, feeling uneasy at the thought, the intrusion of it. “it’s fine. i didn’t think you’d do it, really. it’s just.. i suppose i’m not sure WHAT you’re going to do next. i’m WORRIED about you.”

   this was hardly how he wanted things to go. so much had happened. it was difficult to process it all without losing his head. his mood swings weren’t unusual in the slightest, that much he knew aurora was aware of. she just wasn’t aware of how bad they could get, or the thoughts that would enter his mind during the worst episodes. now was such a time. try as he might, it was difficult to shake all of this. memories haunted him -- ones that he wished would just vanish away from him. that’s all he wanted. 

   he shrugged at the words, gaze flickering down. kylo couldn’t look at her right now. doing so would only make things worse. he was hurting her in this process, and it was the last thing he ever wanted to do to her. she mean the absolute world to him, yet all he could do was hurt her. this entire thing was a kriffing mess. “it’s not exactly that. i can read people’s thoughts, yes. i can pull information from a person’s head, though it’s painful most of the time if someone resists.” he sighed softly. “i really didn’t mean to do it. it’s been a while since i’ve used the force, so my control is a bit lacking at the moment. i’ll be fine. just like i always am. always fine, that’s me.”

“Well in my stupid mind I didn’t think it’d be so hard. Obviously I need to stop listening to myself”

   “maybe it would be easier with two people working on it. at least there would be two sets of eyes on it then.”

“I’m planning to have the members read books.” Myrcella’s face was deadpan for all of three seconds, before she broke into a smile, gave a sing-song laugh. She stepped closer to Kylo, posture open and soft. “Well, the first book I’ve chosen is called ‘Neverwhere.’ Have you heard of it?”

   okay, that had been a stupid question. obviously they were going to read books. his expression became sheepish, almost embarrassed. why he had asked that, kylo really wasn’t all too sure. “yeah i -- knew that,” he mumbled. “i haven’t heard of that before. what is it about??”

She loved him. Fuck, she did. It wasn’t just those memories of a happy childhood together, or always being there for each other. She loved him here just as much as she had loved him in their galaxy, even after everything he had done. Because he was her big brother, the one who had protected and loved her no matter what, the one who had always been there for her. She loved him and hated him, and kirff, wasn’t that messing with her head.

“You will never be wanted here. See, I live here with Poe. The man you tortured? Yes, that one. You almost killed him, I may add. Despite the fact you knew, you just knew, that I loved him.” He had taken so many things from her life she simply couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact her own brother had hurt the person that made her happy, and fuck, she would never be able to forget that.

“I can’t believe you right now.” That was so stupid. She couldn’t deal with the jealousy and their childish rivalry in a moment like this. Jacen and Kylo had always tried to be better than the other in everything they did, including their relationship with her. And Jaina couldn’t deal with that, because she loved both just as much, in different ways, but just as much. “This has nothing to do with Jacen. And that’s where you’re wrong. It had everything to do with us. You accepted it, embraced it, and went around killing people, including us! Just like you did back in our galaxy. The thing here is that Jasa didn’t kill them all, Jasa didn’t kill our father, Jasa didn’t torture my boyfriend, Jasa didn’t kidnap a girl just because she was force sensitive, and Jasa didn’t destroy our uncle’s Temple. No, that was you, all you!”

She jumped when the bulb shattered, even closing her eyes for a split if a second. “What the fuck is wrong with you? This is not your place!” It was hers and Poe’s, and they were building a life there away from all the shit Kylo had made them gone through, and he had no right to ruin that. “It makes me a survivor, because that’s what you made me. Because you left me then, when you decided to join Snoke, you left me behind like I meant nothing to you. Because you killed me here, even when we always talked about being a team, and you went around and killed my father, the person that means the world to me. So yes, you’re the monster under my bed, always breaking my heart, always dragging me down.” Jaina didn’t want to cry, because he didn’t deserve it, but soon tears were clouding her vision and rolling down her cheeks.

   nothing else seemed to matter aside from all of the bad things he had done. predictable, of course. he should have known better to think he could have something like this in his life. once all of his memories had come, it really had been a matter of time until then. nothing good ever lasted in his life. he wasn’t allowed those luxuries. not after he had chosen the dark side. it didn’t matter anymore. jaina had chosen.

    “we were at war,” he remarked. “don’t pretend that you and the resistance are innocent in any of this. you don’t understand a kriffing thing. do you really think i did it just to spite an hurt you?? please. the pilot had information that was necessary, and when normal methods weren’t working i was called in. your boyfriend was the one who resisted it and made it all the more painful for himself.” she clearly hated him already, why not add more fuel to the fire. nothing was going to change any of this. it hardly mattered what he said or did. whatever relationship the two of them had was gone now. 

   so that was what it was all about. of course. just like kylo had always known -- he was the monster. that was who he was. eventually one had to embrace it. after all, most people viewed him as a monster. why not show the entire world the monster that he truly was?? he shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping. “i’m the monster people whisper about. the one that so many people in the galaxy fear. it doesn’t matter what you think of me anymore, jaina. i know exactly who i am now. at least i’m brave enough to accept exactly who i am while all of you pretend to be something you’re not. i chose my path. you chose yours. we both know i was always the outcast in the family.” 

   that anger only swelled even more. brown hues flaring. this time, he spun around. fist slamming into the wall. “how do you think i felt all of those years??” he shouted, spinning around towards her once more. “he was in my head ever since i could remember. do you have any idea what it’s like to have a voice in your head your entire life?? no, you don’t. do you have any idea what it feels like knowing the uncle that never gave up on darth vader gave up on his own nephew and tried to kill him?? no !! don’t pretend to know a damn thing, jaina. yes, i’m the monster. i chose that. but you have no idea what any of it was like.”

anya practically floated through the library, slipping books back onto their shelves and almost dancing as she hummed her grandmothers lullaby. she was completely in her own world, and didn’t even notice someone in the aisle with her until she twirled with the song and spotted them. “oh! sorry, did you need help finding anything? or i can just… go…” she stammered out, not even looking at the person as her cheeks flushed red in embarrassment.