A letter from yesterdays that I hold the closest to my heart. May Allah bless the one who wrote this & comfort them
Know, may Allah fill your heart with hope and set your eyes upon what is only attained by sabr through affliction, that you are being trialed and placed where you need to be placed so to bring about what is necessary to be brought about.
And of Yousuf عليه السلام Allahu ta'aala said:
وَقَالَ الَّذِي اشْتَرَاهُ مِن مِّصْرَ لِامْرَأَتِهِ أَكْرِمِي مَثْوَاهُ عَسَىٰ أَن يَنفَعَنَا أَوْ نَتَّخِذَهُ وَلَدًا ۚ وَكَذَٰلِكَ مَكَّنَّا لِيُوسُفَ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَلِنُعَلِّمَهُ مِن تَأْوِيلِ الْأَحَادِيثِ ۚ وَاللَّهُ غَالِبٌ عَلَىٰ أَمْرِهِ وَلَٰكِنَّ أَكْثَرَ النَّاسِ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
{And he of Egypt who purchased him said unto his wife: Receive him honourably. Perchance he may prove useful to us or we may adopt him as a son. Thus we established Joseph in the land that We might teach him the interpretation of events. And Allah was predominant in His career, but most of mankind know not.} - 12:21
All of of what happened to Yousuf despite the wishes of the mighty and honorable prophet, Ya'qub عليه السلام, wishing for his most beloved son that the same destination was reached but by a different path than what Allah ultimately brought about.
And about the youth of the cave
وَلْيَتَلَطَّفْ وَلَا يُشْعِرَنَّ بِكُمْ أَحَدًا
إِنَّهُمْ إِن يَظْهَرُوا عَلَيْكُمْ يَرْجُمُوكُمْ أَوْ يُعِيدُوكُمْ فِي مِلَّتِهِمْ وَلَن تُفْلِحُوا إِذًا أَبَدًا
{"...And let him be careful and let no man know of you. For if they come to know of you, they will stone you (to death or abuse and harm you) or turn you back to their religion, and in that case you will never be successful."} - 18:19-20
Yet, despite the path they wished to take to get to the destination, Allahu ta'aala immediately says
وَكَذَٰلِكَ أَعْثَرْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ لِيَعْلَمُوا أَنَّ وَعْدَ اللَّهِ حَقٌّ وَأَنَّ السَّاعَةَ لَا رَيْبَ فِيهَا
{And thus We made their case known to the people, that they might know that the Promise of Allah is true, and that there can be no doubt about the Hour. } - 18:21
And then again the story behind Surah al-Burooj, as narrated in Muslim. What was the wishes of the Monk? His wish was that the truth be preserved and to do this he done his best so that he would not be harmed and so that the boy would not be harmed but Allah exposed them and they were harmed.
Ya'qub wanted to be with his Son, his most beloved, in safety and for his lineage and Ishaq's lineage and Ibraheem's lineage to be honored and preserved through tawheed and preserving tawheed. He wanted it to happen one way. But Allah chose other than it, trials. And what was the destination? It was what Ya'qub desired in heart but far greater than he could have ever imagined and far greater than the result of the path he wanted to choose.
The youth of the cave. What did they want? They wanted the Deen of Allah preserved and to be in safety where they would not fall into shirk. They wanted to stay hidden. Instead Allah exposed them to trials and chose another path for them than they desired, and gave them in increase due to this.
And the Monk. He wanted the Deen of Allah preserved. The Deen of Allah was accepted by an entire population and they were all made shuhadah and their firm belief is made a lesson for eternity, mentioned by the Creator, Allah Himself. That would never had happened by the path he wished.
And repeatedly, this is the story told to us in different forms throughout the Qur'an and Hadith.
And this is the Sunnah of Allah.
My heart hurts too. Today I also struggled to move. I don't want this world. I want to serve on the path of Allah. I asked Allah for help and Allah reminded me of all the bushra. And I believe. I am a Mu'min and I believe in Allahu subhanahu wa ta'aala and I love Him and I seek His forgiveness and I want to live for Him and I want to stand before Him and have my Rabb laugh in Mercy of me and Allahu subhanahu wa ta'aala has said
وَمَن يُؤْمِن بِاللَّهِ يَهْدِ قَلْبَهُ ۚ وَاللَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمٌ
{and whosoever believes in Allah, He guides his heart [to the true Faith with certainty, i.e. what has befallen him was already written for him by Allah from the Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], and Allah is the All-Knower of everything.} - 64:11
So when you receive this waswasa you need to seek refuge with Allah and you need to remind all the signs Allah has showed you. And you need to be patient and have sabr upon the harm and this is the first thing learned in Thalathatul Usul
And I need to be patient because Allah guided me here. Allah guided me to this place. And Allah has perhaps sent me more hope amd bushra and encouragement and gave me more understanding of His Kalam than many people even though they wish and even though I will never be deserving.
Allahu Akbar I must be Patient!
You, Matilda, you must be Patient.
We will continue to feel saddened. You will continue to have times where you just cannot move. But you must keep your heart moving to the shukr of Allah. You must believe in His plan. You must be thankful of the things he showed you and you must protect yourself from shaytan stealing these gifts of Allah away from you.
So know, may Allah strengthen you with firm resolve upon serving him no matter what you face, that Allah has tasked you to this and it is His decision. Know, may Allah unite us upon Fawzun Kabeer, that you asked Allah to live for Him so now you must submit to His plan and you are obligated to believe that He is providing the best way for you even if your heart ache and sadness will at times wish other.
Know, may Allah love you eternally, that Allah placed you in my heart and although my heart aches I trust in Him.
You are stronger than you know.
