honey

you didn't ramble, but you did prove my point, while also 100% reaffirming my view towards transgender theory, specifically towards trans identified males and your tangential, nebulous connection to "womanhood."

in order for you to present as a woman and experience euphoria/decrease your dysphoria, you have to call yourself something you're not. you have to pretend to be something you're not, because otherwise, you're mentally (and possibly physically) discomforted. i empathize with that.

but that doesn't:

1) make you right in your choice to claim woman/womanhood nor does it

2) give you the right to claim woman/womanhood.

i'm not sure if any woman has ever told you that your outlook on the world, and your own fabled sense of womanhood, is impeded by your birth sex. your opinion is not relevant in feminist discussions, on the basis of being male, regardless of your internal identity. there's a very good chance that since you're trans and seemingly politically minded that other women are kissing your ass on this subject and validating whatever you believe womanhood is.

i refuse to do that. you believing you have a claim to womanhood, that you ARE a woman, is incredibly relevant to the fact that you are male, and have been able to grow up in a society where your male sex was prioritized, both in mind and body, on a grand scale of access that women (of any class, race, or ability) do not have and have not had.

so i'll break down the significance of that. regardless of your personal experiences otherwise, being born of the male sex means that you have a higher chance of your feelings, as a boy, being catered to more than your female family members and female peers. your learning needs and overall mental cognizance and ability has had a statistically higher chance of being prioritized in a classroom setting, and you had a higher chance of being motivated, and encouraged, into participating in physical sports and activities which strengthen the body as well as teach cooperation, solidarity, and responsibility to its players. the motivation to do so in males is taught young, as they are given mini versions of sports equipment like toys that mentally connect them to a series of hobbies and interests that (very often) follow through into adolescence. girls get make up sets and other accessories. by the time they get to school and are able to access the same opportunities (theoretically, not so much since trans identified boys and men are claiming to be girls and women and taking sports away from women little by little) they are no longer even of the belief that they should access those spaces as well.

being seen and referred to as a man makes me uncomfortable not as a function of the associations of manhood, but as a feeling in and of itself that its deeply wrong in some way.

italics mine. because your discomfort is directly related to the function and the associations of manhood. and you are distancing yourself from that. i will not allow you. do you not see women's discomfort? or do you just believe your discomfort being referred to as a man (in a society where you are socially privileged for such, no less.....) is more important that female discomfort at males like you calling yourselves women? that it's more important that our definition be changed in order to accommodate you and other men? our language, and the way we relate to ourselves and our bodies, is compromised because of YOUR personal belief system that is centered around YOUR personal discomfort with being male?

my euphoria at being seen and referred to as a woman come not from it allowing me to act femininely (i can tell because i don't. by coincidence, most of my behavior and interests lie within what most consider "masculine") but from the feeling of it "feeling right".

and this is why i spoke about male socialization at the beginning of my answer. your socially regarded masculine behaviors and interests are not coincidental, as you state, and are entirely outlined above as the product of socialization, as well as access by way of maleness.

i would have had slightly more respect if you had actually ended up saying that you act in a feminine manner, as i do believe that feminine/gender non conforming men are targeted by other men, and i do think it's disgusting and terrible. the more gender non conforming a man is, the more he will be targeted by the dual mixture of male misdirected misogyny and homophobia. but you’re not even claiming feminine and woman...just woman. so....you just "feel like" a woman, and that means that i'm supposed to believe you, which automatically and inherently erases myself in the process. your "euphoria" at something "feeling right" means that we get definitions like this:

because otherwise, our definition wouldn't include you, and the euphoria, and your ability to "feel right" that i'm supposed to be prioritizing at the forefront of my feminism, and my definition of my own female sex by way of popular demand.

the definition of female, of woman, and the experiences of womanhood explicitly, 100% excludes you unless our definition becomes circular, like the ones above. unless we force and bend and break ourselves to include you. if those people above seem ridiculous, it's because they are. but they're ridiculous because they're no longer being taught that the definition of woman is female, so they have to make shit up instead.

the construction is fake anyways, and using it this way fulfills one of my moral axioms, which is that social constructs (and most other things) should be used in a way that maximize happiness.

and this is also why i don't believe you're a woman.

Many mothers consciously reinforce patriarchal ideals, but this is not the only way that we learn patriarchy. We observe and internalise our mother’s place in the world, how men treat her, what work she has to take on and what she doesn’t, we learn what to expect from our mothers vs our fathers and match up what we know of them to society and vice versa. Pretty much all of us will realise our mother doesn’t hold the most power and we will also be conditioned to expect more from her ourselves (the classic example is the father hurts the child and the child is angrier with the mother for not protecting them)